How do you deal with this?

[Guest endthesilence]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

[Ravin]

How do you know you haven't?

[Guest Kelly-087]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

We have plenty here in Portland.

[Guest endthesilence]

How do you know you haven't?

.... very true I think I was just feeling sorry for myself last night when I posted this. i don't often but you make a good point! Have a good day.

[Guest Chrysee]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

We have plenty here in Portland.

I was just about to say that I don't know any but then again I never go anywhere. But I'm here in Rosaria (Portland!) and yes there are many. My partner works at Portland State and sees transgender people almost daily. . .and then comes home to me.

On another note: you mentioned 'pansexuality' and I recently became acquainted with that term here at Laura's and was so grateful as it describes me.

Anyway, hang in, Sweetie. If you want to actually see someone like you, perhaps we could Skype vid. call sometime?

With love and lots of Starbucks' magick elixir,

Chrysalis

Servitor Mundi Morientis

[Guest Kelly-087]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

We have plenty here in Portland.

I was just about to say that I don't know any but then again I never go anywhere. But I'm here in Rosaria (Portland!) and yes there are many. My partner works at Portland State and sees transgender people almost daily. . .and then comes home to me.

On another note: you mentioned 'pansexuality' and I recently became acquainted with that term here at Laura's and was so grateful as it describes me.

Anyway, hang in, Sweetie. If you want to actually see someone like you, perhaps we could Skype vid. call sometime?

With love and lots of Starbucks' magick elixir,

Chrysalis

Servitor Mundi Morientis

Ja, I attended PSU for a few terms before all but dropping out by all but definition, mostly brought on by GD. But I knew and saw quite a few. I thought about how great of a school it'd be to be at when I was out. Ultimately didn't make it that far! xD

But if you go to Pioneer Square, and the surrounding areas, you'd no doubt see some Androgynous people. Whether they truly identify as androgynous like you would, Chrysalis is another question! I actually saw about two androgynous people on the way to and back from my GT last week on transit.

[Guest Chrysee]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

We have plenty here in Portland.

I was just about to say that I don't know any but then again I never go anywhere. But I'm here in Rosaria (Portland!) and yes there are many. My partner works at Portland State and sees transgender people almost daily. . .and then comes home to me.

On another note: you mentioned 'pansexuality' and I recently became acquainted with that term here at Laura's and was so grateful as it describes me.

Anyway, hang in, Sweetie. If you want to actually see someone like you, perhaps we could Skype vid. call sometime?

With love and lots of Starbucks' magick elixir,

Chrysalis

Servitor Mundi Morientis

Ja, I attended PSU for a few terms before all but dropping out by all but definition, mostly brought on by GD. But I knew and saw quite a few. I thought about how great of a school it'd be to be at when I was out. Ultimately didn't make it that far! xD

But if you go to Pioneer Square, and the surrounding areas, you'd no doubt see some Androgynous people. Whether they truly identify as androgynous like you would, Chrysalis is another question! I actually saw about two androgynous people on the way to and back from my GT last week on transit.

I'm in Felony Flats and rarely get downtown anymore. Out this way I get to Clackamas Town Center occasionally to hit Barnes & Noble or Charlotte Russe but haven't noticed anyone that appeared to be TG so either I'm blind, oblivious, or they're just blending iin really well.

P.S.U. was the first place that I ever went to outside of the house. This was two years ago on Transgender Remembrance Day. I was completely in drag and felt amazing (albeit a bit nervous) taking TriMet. At P.S.U. I was amongst others in drag and used a gender neutral restroom.

P.S.U. also has the Queer Resource Center with all sorts of outreach info for students.

Nice talking with you.

With love & local color,

Cissy

[Guest Zeda]

ack home. They were passing me and I thought back to highschool. I had felt alone, like I was the only person willing to act outside of my assigned gender, how on a bus one day, my confidence was sparkedA few months ago, I was walking home from college. It is about 1.5 miles home, following the main road in and out of the small town. It was the first time that I was wearing anything associated with the opposite sex aside from makeup. I was extremely nervous. Twice I had heard a slur or some other load verbal discontent voiced from a passing vehicle (on previous days, not that day). And as I passed the only gas station in the area I thought to myself,

I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

It was 3:30PM, so the school buses were taking kids back home. They were passing me and I thought back to highschool. I had felt alone, like I was the only person willing to act outside of my assigned gender, how on a bus one day, my confidence was sparked. I asked myself, "Where is that confidence now?" After that, I placed a smile on my face and walked happily the rest of the way home

Why did I do that? I realised that one of the kids on that bus could be looking out the window and seeing me might turn a light bulb on. They could be as lonely as a I felt, but seeing me might have given them a connection. They lived in a place where people are not accepting. Sure, in the immediate vicinity of the campus there are many liberal-minded people, but even a mile outside of campus, things change.

This is how I identify with the public around me. I think of people that might be in the crowd, that need to see somebody like me. As long as everybody is afraid, waiting for somebody to be seen that they can gravitate towards to feel comfortable, nobody will act. I am not saying that this is the best way to go about life, or the healthiest way, but it might help you to think that there very well could be others waiting to meet you, just as you are waiting to meet them.

[Guest Delphinus]

How do you deal with only seeing cis men and cis women everyday everywhere you go? What i mean is I am androgynous/pansexual and I would kill to see someone like me in the gas station or super market All day I walk around feeling like I am invisible because I cannot identify with the public around me. Once in a while Id like to bump into a face and say oh we get it... cool were not alone.

Hey,

I think it's OK to "feel sorry for yourself" to an extent. I mean, it's hard, no? When I was younger, I felt this way so much of the time that I lost the ability to speak to strangers for a number of years - I simply couldn't do it! As an undergrad, I was pretty talkative (as you've noticed I am) but I felt invisible. Sometimes, it weighed on my mind very heavily, and I felt like I was having a panic attack. That kind of loneliness can be overwhelming for anyone. At times like that, I would either find something to occupy my mind or go find someone who I knew cared about me, even if they didn't "get it." Even now, I feel isolated for a variety of reasons, not only gender. Sometimes, I get frustrated and I just think 'argh! what the heck am I, anyway!??' Haha. I'm not a man but I'm not really a woman, either. I'm not a child but I haven't become fully realized as an adult yet, either. I identify strongly with only one part of my ethnic background and yet, the other parts are still there so, I'm not completely how I identify. I'm spiritual but I don't belong with any religion. At the end of the day, I often wonder if I belong anywhere or with anyone. As I get older, this becomes even more intense for me because I've only ever been in love with one person, and I can't help but worry that maybe I can only ever truly belong to her even though I will likely never see her again. It's sad? Yeah. But I keep on living and breathing and seaking out the people and experiences in life that make me happy, even if I'm "different." I deal with it because I have no other choice except to just stop living, and I refuse to do that.

I'm sort of in between the generations of those who didn't/ don't feel that they can make substantial changes to themselves or their social roles and the kids now who are able to transition starting from an early age. I've been as I am now (from a gender perspective) for nearly all of my life so, simply "giving up" and defaulting to a female identity would be as difficult as transitioning to a male identity. I don't know how to "be a woman" any more than I know how to "be a man." I'm just me; there really are no options but that. Would it be nice to see another androgyne? Sure, that's part of why I joined this site but even if I did meet someone who looked like me in that regard, we would likely be very different in other ways. We have to pick sometimes. We can have friends of our own religion, gender, ethnic group, etc. but we typically won't have friends who share all of those identities (unless they're clones!). Even my surrogate mom who is very, very much like me doesn't share my gender or ethnic identity but almost everything else, and it's enough. Its enough so that I relate to her strongly, and combined with our mutual affection for one another, it's enough to make me think 'I'm home' when I'm with her.

Anyway, this isn't advice-ey at all but I just thought I'd share where I'm coming from in the hope that it conveys to you that you really are not alone, that people do understand, and that there's more than one way to find some sense of belonging.

Take care,

Del

[Guest endthesilence]

Del your amazing!!! Thank you so very much for your response!!! Its the best way ever to wake up to know someone is there. Thank you:)