Am I The Only One?

[Guest Jayce]

Hey everybody. This is my first time posting around here.. I've just been reading for awhile, and I guess I'm confused about some things because I feel like I can't connect to everything posted here.

I wonder about myself alot; I had alot of girlish tendencies when I was younger, I used to dress up in dresses quite often, and I still really enjoy it now, though I feel like I suppressed the feelings for awhile to the point in which I was pretty surprised to discover I could be transgendered.

It's just a big step to go further than what I've done, I suppose, and I'm afraid of all that drastic change. I think about things like, "Well, what if I am confused? What if I don't like how things will turn out? What if I regret physical changes?" I guess it's something like denial to think I'm confused; these feelings have more or less been with me all my life.

What really kills me is the expectations placed on me in my current biological gender. I just don't respond to any of it anymore; it's like it is very, very alien and pointless to me. And I do want everything physical about being womanly, as well as alot of the social aspects that are attached to it.. but I look on these forums, and I see alot of trans women striving for what I feel is very stereotypical molds of what women are, and I guess this is where I don't quite see my connections with everyone as well. Maybe I'm just alittle more androgenous feeling than others, but I feel like I wanna be a very unique, strong woman. (I also wouldn't mind looking cute, of course.. ) I guess I just can't see myself surrendering to complete feminity. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a woman, and be recognized and treated as such, but not in the inferiority sense..

Am I the only one that imagines this being their sort of "ideal" self after transitioning? I hope I've been clear enough about it..

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Jayce..

How very nice to meet you!

Have some hot coco and a few cookies while we all talk, ok?

Well, Hon..I understand what you're saying...but as we tend to tell people there are different "comfort levels" in this crazy process...what some people want is not for others and vice-versa. My wife supports me 100% and even buys me clothes, etc...but she'll still say "Why in the heck would anyone want to be a woman on purpose!!??"

You can't be in everyone's head and know what they want..

Some of us want everything we can get as to being a woman.....some of us want to be all man! Some are on a sliding scale up and down between those two things...The ""Comfort Level"

You aren't required to go any further than you wish and where you want you stop...some go between different levels all the time...so, one size does NOT fit all...

Hon I see myself as a strong woman, too...no one wants to be inferior...my Grandma was strong and she was my hero!!!

Bottom line..is be yourself before during and after transition, if thats where you go.....you don't have to be anyone else!

Enjoy your stay with us....you are very welcome here...

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Welcome Welcome Welcome

Others will be here soon to welcome you.

You write well and are very articulate - I really hope you join us here in posting a whole lot. It's really great to have a place where you can ask anything (well, in the confines of the rules - we are very G rated and we never use personal attacks if we can help it - you know how that is) and we never judge. You will sometimes have a key to someone's problem - it is amazing!

So jumping right in.

Androgyne - well there are many who suspect and some who know they are more androgyne than in any other catagory - so you actually fit in. Ask specific questions on that. You will get plenty of response.

I personally am MTF transsexual and really am glad to be leaving most of my male emotions, attitudes and mind-set behind. It was always play-acting anyway and never sincere.

But I hear your question about femininity taken to the extreme - so evident in many postings.

It bothered me at first. I then realized that people who have been denied any essense of femininity in their life are finally given the chance to touch on it? They can go wayyyyy out in the other direction. That's my theory I suppose.

As an example - I am older and have been at this 50+ years (ten years as just a person - ha - no known gender feeling). I have always felt better dressed as a girl or a woman. I thought I might be a cross dresser, although the definition seemed slightly off for me.

And - here is the example - I wanted to dress super-feminine at first. I bought,borrowed or stole things that I considered very sexy. I wanted to feel pretty and even 'hot." At age 15, 24, even 32 I could sometimes achieve all that as my male body was thin and fine boned then. But it got so I felt I was actually diluting myself dressing that way. Hummmmm.... what's that mean???

I turned toward more gender appropriate dessing (female is gender approriate for me) and learned that wearing a simple blouse or even a teeshirt with jeans worked just fine for me. I then realized I wanted to be a woman of everyday, dressing approriate to my age, the situation, and the weather. I dressed and forgot about it, going on with my daily routine. Well... at home. I was never out in public.... and am limited out in public now.

So I was dressing super-feminine to gain a self-image that wasn't really necessary. I was in girl puberty and I had a credit card. I was constantly experimenting. I am a grown up girl now - woman actually, my therapist insists.

And this maturity in being a woman in my body, brain and soul is healthy for me. I am transitioning as I said - I am on HRT and getting second looks in public. My therapist says I will grieve over my loss of male priviledge, and I see that happening a bit, but it is too soon.

BUT your question, am I capitulating to being a woman who is treated poorly by society? Lord no! I want the same as every modern woman wants, equal treatment and fair pay! Will I get it? - no more likely than any GG - and I will have to bear the T-girl status forever, anyway and that make s things a little less do-able.

And you are correct. Women's Rights groups hate us MTF transsexuals. We are THRILLED to be calles 'girls' and 'broads' and 'gals' and the like. Nobody has ever done for to us before and we don't realize how degrading that can be to a woman. We will learn. And so on...

Good point.

I can see why you would like to keep male priviledge and strength, and gain female sensitivity and insight - Androgyne!

WELCOME one more time...

You are not EXPECTED to connect with everything said here - so jawbone a bit. We value the chance to hear new ideas.

You are not EXPECTED to know what you are and how you should act. A therapist can work with you on that - it's absolutely the next step for you if you haven't taken it already.

Lizzy - opinionated as usual

[Sally]

Dear Jayce,

I know a bit about the lose of male privilage - my therapist calls it 'giving up the male perks'. We have discussed it so that I won't suddenly down the road go, "If I had know that!"

I have a little trouble with viewing women as 'second class citizens' because my family has always gone 'against type'. In the 1920's when women hardly ever worked and married women almost never, my grandmother (also my hero, Dona Jean) worked as a bookkeeper and became an ordained minister, she never had her own chrch she just held a very high office in the denomination's main office. If she had wanted to preach in a church of her own - she would have!

When you read the posts of the 'men' who need to become women, because really we already are, look at their ages and think back to what society was like when, I'll admit it, we were first convinced that we were terribly wrong and sinful to even think such a thing! Look at the stereo typical male ad female at that time - the movies, the literature and sports say a lot about a society. In my day - born in the 50's - men were men, tough, ruggid, silent and most of all totally emotionnless adnd women were women, obviously the total opposite, soft, tender, vaunerable and very emotional. Here is an example - movies, sci-fi - in the 50's the women were all running around through the woods in 4 inch heels and tight skirts, screming and falling down to be rescued at the last minute by a dashing hero (men totally domanated Hollywood), in the 70s and 80s an new bred of female leads, in "Star Wars", Princess Leia fought along side the other heros and then the biggest step - "Alien", where Sigourney Weaver brought us a truly different view of women - fighters, survivors and more determined than ever before.

The times dhange and with them so will we, remember when we first post we are in the puberty stages and view being a woman a lot differently than we do as we grow and mature. In my early days I wore mini skirts, why not it was the style and I had the legs for it! If I wore a mini skirt now I would get the same disbelief that any nearly 60 year old woman in a mini skirt would get.

I don't want to 'become a woman' and get married and be supported for the reat of my life - well actually that doesn't sound too bad, but that's not the way of the world anymore. I missed that while I was trying so har d to be a man.

The point is, the longer we have hidden who we are the more of a stereotype we might aim for in the early stages, hopefuly we can mature during transition and be 'normal' women, whatever that may be.

Come on in and help us grow, some of us can use a little supervision from someone who sees the world through different eyes, we;ve been looking through the same set for so long.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Liam]

Pardon my intrusion into this part of the forums.

There are all kinds of trans women out there. There are as many ways for you to be a woman as you can imagine. There are trans women who are butch lesbians, and very feminine straight women, and everything in between. Don't worry about fitting a stereotype. Just give yourself time and do what feels right to you.

-Liam

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Hi Jayce...um it's a good thing to be assertive...that's a goal for anyone/anytime/anyplace to strive for. I believe thats what your speaking of...mainly...LOL although being cute wouldn't be that bad. See...THAT is Cute aaaaaaand...so you are. The phyiscal issue IS important to a point...and some are more hung up on various attributes than others. Those extreem types go on Dr. Phil to boost his ratings...ignore that tripe as that is exactly what it is...but I wouldn't put it in MY menuedo, cooking is too important to me. Sooooo...if you like to wear dresses thats ok...me too ...pssssst...there's more company there than you may possibly imagine out there, isn't THAT hilarious...and you were worried. Don't let others or, just as importantly, yourself bullyrag YOU into making choices irrationally or attempt to convice you there is 'something bizarre about your business'...as in fact, there isn't. Consider yourself somewhat elite having posted here as this is possibly THE most diverse group of individuals I have ever in my life had the pleasure of inter-acting with. This is a very safe place so do explore...there's LOTS to learn. If you see something said the piques your intrest on a post ask more...we're all pretty friendly people here...and there's always an ear. Your friend, Kelly Ann

[Guest RainBird]

Very interesting topic!

Very true about stereotypical criteria, just let yourself cruise along and adjust naturally, your heart will guide you! Don't think too much about what is expected from a particular gender, everyone is so different

I am a MTF female, though I do not consider myself to be transsexual funny enough even though society does, I'm just a girl who has bits that need to be fixed imo (stepping outside of labels hehe)

I'm very gentle and feminine in nature, my orientation is straight and I enjoy mostly gender neutral hobbies and fishing with my male friends, just be you and don't let stereotype or sexist opinions deter you from doing what you love.

Hugs!

xxoo

[Guest amie]

Refreshingly sincere. I've detected a lot of superficiality on here myself. Stay real and true to yourself no matter the matter, Jayce. Lemme throw yu an A+ for this very pleasant reading.

Thank You.

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

speaking for myself, i am overcompensating, i've been acting male for so long

it feels good to be feminine, even ultra feminine

i figure it'll balance out eventually

i surprise myself both ways in these forums

sometimes being more feminine than i realized

sometimes more masculine

as far as women and inferiority....

i never understood that

i've never known any weak women

(i've had many karate instructors that you wouldn't want to refer to as inferior, it would be a painful experience...)

i strive to be a strong capable compassionate woman, like the women i know

but i do notice that i do sometimes fall into the stereotypical ideas of what women "are"

(my seven year old niece does that too... sigh)

anyway, my advise is:

be who you are and don't worry about what the rest of the world is

also, i've been through the "what if i'm confused" stage, for me it was denial

for you, maybe you are just confused, maybe it is denial, i can't tell you that

be patient you'll figure it out

looking forward to hearing from you more!

[Guest Jayce]

Thanks everyone.. It's kinda hard to post here for the first time for me.

I guess I can understand everyone's point of view here; I just think of myself differently..

Then again, I'm practically still closeted. Oh well! Workin' on that.

Anyway, thanks.

[Guest amie]

Is anyone here like me (Ha! lay claim to that, huh Cupcakes. LOL) that hears far too often a Transgender girl M2F say things like, "OMG, I sooo wanna know what an orgasm feels like." or "I wanna wear certain clothes" or "I want an hourglass figure." ETC! Nothing wrong with any of these thoughts save the fact I feel they seem to be verbalize or wished upon prematurely. I seldom to never hear another like myself say something to the effect that they just wanna be in a position to act naturally in the presence of others and fear no negative judgement.

If I were in therapy and a counselor asked me if I felt like a woman I would probably reply with, "No, I feel like a girl, that would like to develope into a woman, and eventually and become a lady."

When I worked at Walmart DC I was sitting at the charging station waiting on my lift to charge up, right? When I looked over and seen a girl doing the same but she was swinging her legs freely beneath her while seemingly lost in pleasant thought. The funny thing is, I had begun to do this same thing but caught myself for fear of being ridiculed for a "gay-like" action, right? But this is what I'm talkin' about, Just the freedom involved in behaving naturally no matter the time or place would mean the world to me.

I heard a girl on YouTube say, "A lotta transexual girls choose not to follow through with SRS due to the fact they may not have an orgasm after the surgery, then you can't do anything with it."

Wow. This is priority in the correct order, huh?

Again, I wanna know what some of these things are like myself, EVENTUALLY. But for the most and certainly before all, I just wanna feel as much a girl as I possibly can. SRS would allow this for I would likely then find the lucidity and freedom of expression necassary to make the advancements forementioned that I so desire.

[Sally]

Amie ha hit the real reason for transitioning in either direction, to be free to be yourself. Women can get away with masculine behavior if they are cute - otherwise they are 'butch', but men can't get away with feminine behavior no matter what they look like!

People made fun of John Wayne's walk, because he was pigeon toed and it made himwalk with a little more hip action than most guys - but come on - John Wayne - the Icon for macho - the cover photo for 'Tough as Nails' weekly! An older reference, but everyone has seen 'The Duke', if he wasn't free to have one feminine characteristic what chance do other guys have?

We do tend to obsess on the trivial, if only we could all just be ourselves!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Sarinah]

I think everyone else already pretty much covered the topic so ill just stick with welcoming you to the forum... have another cookie.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

I got a chuckle out of the bit on leg swinging Amie...I've always done that...I just never thought anything about it because it just felt good, it is usually when I'm distracted. I've also been know to bounce up and down while sitting if I get overly excited...my hands have also always tended to 'speak along' with the narrative...lots of things I've never considered until these last few months...it is really the small stuff because it adds up to the whole in the end. Sally...your mamma didn't tell you about the Duke??? The funny walk??? I am sooo choking up right now in laughter...I forget if it was Jack Parr or Mr. Cavet that got him to "fess up"...but he did that walk...steady yourself here everyone...because of a girdle...I swear to all I hold dear and love with all my heart THIS IS TRUE!!!! It started because of getting dumped off a horse and a back injury and the director liked whatever he was doing so it became part of the schitck...I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE!!!!! I am so giggling... J. Edgar is going to arrest me from beyond the veil...the truth is always stranger than fiction. Smiling and chuckling Kelly Ann

[Guest Evan_J]

Hmm. By now- looking at this list- I would say "so I guess you know you're not alone right"? But I know you meant beyond the only transgendered person. Everyone here is different. Sure, some are more similar than others but in the end we all (humans that is) are one of a kind. If there are 300 million women there are 300 million types of women. All crafting and defining themselves based on different things. You sound like you'd like to a be a very "new school" (dare I say) "feministy" type? No stillettos and wondering how you look batting your eyes? That works. I actually read an article not too long ago that said that in the United States the "tomboy woman" (defined as one who felt "capable" at most tasks necessary in her life including giving her vehicle a tuneup or dropping her own ceiling, but that enjoyed "feeling like a woman in a black evening gown should the occasion arise") was the most prevailant type of woman in existance at this day and time.

If that's even marginally close to what you had in mind, you're in good company.

Take fair notice though, the "inferior" thing will be "assigned" to you. People will purposely tell you that in fact thats where you fit in. They'll work night and day (some of them) to get you to believe that you "imagined yourself all wrong". But thats not because of your version of "what is a woman", that's because ALL people regarded as women encounter it at some point. Its then up to you to have a strong enough sense of self to not be swayed either way. Its a requirement for being a woman and not ending up with your head in an oven.

All women, even one's who want to wear stilletos and hold hankies, have to kick a little butt sometimes to defend "what kind of woman they are".

Glad you're here and welcome to the board. And no matter what you hear about me.....heck I probably started whatever you hear about me so.....