I Have Not Posted In This Forum In A Very Long TIme

[Sally]

The fact is that I have been posting very little in the past few months, I have a couple of good excuses:

1) I am not really having any trans related difficulties anymore, I am just living my life.

2) Living my life involves dealing with all of the issues that I was assuming were just trans issues but run much deeper - depression and low self esteem are not exclusive to being trans.

I have been accepted as a female generally without question and even if they know, no one seems to mind at all so that has been a great help.

I am living alone again, sometimes I believe that I must be very difficult to live with (at least that seems to be the consensus of my ex, my family and former roommates) and at times I must admit that I find myself difficult to live with.

It is due to this low self esteem that I have a difficulty in relating to anyone who seems interested in helping me - my therapist is the exception (apparently if you are on my payroll I will listen to you and believe you) but I tend to doubt myself all of the time.

What does this have to do with weight loss?

Everything!

Given this mindset food often becomes your only friend, the one that comforts you when you are sad, celebrates with you when you are happy, is the center of your social life and eating becomes your only joy - your day revolves around when, what and where you will eat.

My happy little food filled world is coming to an end this Saturday - I am starting on Nutrisystem and the food shipment is scheduled to arrive sometime on Friday.

With 28 prepared meals - breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack for each day of the 4 weeks there is no room for eating out, no more fried chicken, all you can eat buffets or late night pancake feasts - the end of more than a third of a century with food as my crutch to get me through hard times.

People without eating disorders may not understand but to me this is very much like losing a best friend or family member, a house, a job or most of your possessions - I am now losing all that I had left.

It is difficult to express all of the emotions going through me at this time but basically an emptiness that I would normally try to fill with pizza or hamburgers but now must remain until I can some other way to fill it.

To say that I am frightened, depressed and feeling so much more alone than ever before is still an understatement - I am counting heavily on my friends for support and most of you are right here in the Playground.

I have been here helping for a while now but as things change I find myself in need of help so I have come to the one place that I can truly count on.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Tamar]

Youre a brave lady, Sally, and you have my utmost respect and admiration.

[Guest angels wings]

Sally your such an amazing woman . To be able to admit that is strong lovey . Many of us hide behind food because it is a comfort we learnt it fills something and feel content for a few min . Until we realise that it's not filling what we truly need . It's our shadow that follows us . But you my friend are breaking that . I'm here for you all the way . You have the strength to get through this were right beside you dear friend .

Angel (((((((hugs)))))))

[JJ]

Hugs Sally. Believe me I can relate to what you are saying. For me there was also a deep fear of failure because I had failed so many times before. But then it came to me that I was not giving up anything or losing that comfort-that friend- I was actually just setting boundaries on the relationship. And giving myself a different focus in my life that had the potential to replace that self loathing I had from how I looked and felt and all the failures to change it to self esteem and pride.

You'll still have food and I think you'll still find it satisfying and something to look forward to but it will actually have greater meaning and that meaning will fill you up in a way food never could before if you are anything like me.

Today marks the second anniversary of the day I started to change my life-and the biggest change I made that day was changing how I ate, I don't diet-I just eat differently before and set boundaries on food, That's how I have to handle it all mentally because dieting for me is a word and a concept freighted with failure and loss and self-denial and none of that was involved in losing that 200 lbs I did.

Nothing special or remarkable about me either. I just got lucky and found my key. I know that you can do it too. And I can't wait for you to share your journey with us. I hope it is filled with exhilaration as mine has been

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest]

Hi Sally,

My mate and I were doing pretty much the same as you. Whlle food allergies kept me from gaining a lot of weight, my mate had gotten into dangerous weight levels. For us, food replaced nicotine after we stopped smoking about 6 years ago, and we were just as addicted to food as we were smoking. It was about 3 years ago, that I stumbled onto the diet that we used and really still use today.

We did stop eating out, became a bit reclusive for a while. We both lost the weight we needed, and are now working on a happy medium that includes social foods on occasion with more spartan diet the remainder of the time - in combination with exercise, of course.

It felt extremely good to gain control over something that was threatening our health, and I felt that I was finally really over my nicotine addiction because I no longer was trying to replace it in some way.

Anyway, I do have faith that you'll meet this challenge: Look at all of the challenges you've met up to now! We'll be here for you as you need... Best of luck, honey!

Love, Megan

[Guest LizMarie]

I found myself turning to food at a younger age but what broke that cycle for me was a bout with cancer and 6 months of chemotherapy. When I came out the other side, I was determined to eat well and I simply did. Those 6 months were a time when I could barely keep anything down at all. My oncologist simply urged me to find 1000 calories a day until the chemo was over. I did, though it was definitely not healthy - box mac and cheese and applesauce almost every day since those were the only things I wouldn't throw up.

I do not recommend chemotherapy as a way to break your current eating habits! And I wish you luck with your efforts. Just remember, there are worse ways to unlearn bad eating habits!!

[Carolyn Marie]

Sally, I think you shouldn't view the new diet as a "loss" at all. As I see it, here is what you will gain:

• Better health
  
• Increased stamina
  
• Improved self image
  
• More self confidence
  
• More happiness because of all of the above
  

Those are some pretty big gains, my friend. Plus, you aren't giving up food. You're just giving up some foods that were bad for you.

We'll be here to support you every step of the way. Hang in there, Babe. You have friends around these parts.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Sally]

Today is the third day and so far no real issues of hunger - the food is very good, the only problem is trying to eat on any kind of a regular schedule while working in retail.

It is not going to be easy while working but I am determined.

The only regret I have for my starting date is that I will miss King Cake Season - it is over at the beginning of Lent - maybe I will be able to break over and have a slice next year.

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

Sally I'm not familiar with your program but found for me I had to build in a day when I could have the things I love or I'd end up binging and feeling guilty etc. I also sometimes have just a single bite of something and throw the rest away or give it away before I have a chance to do more than that. Someone in a convenience store once saw me take one bite of a donut I bought and toss it in the trash and exclaimed how wasteful it was. I then asked if it was less wasteful to eat it and add weight and make myself less healthy? Or if she wanted it after someone had taken a bite? Shocked the woman but changed her outlook as well. It feels wasteful to toss something good but it isn't. And it also feels good to be that in control.

Congratz on making a great start! Determination can be key. Can find answers that we don't otherwise see.

Hugs

Johnny

[Sally]

Just to let you know, I was 346.0 pounds when I started on Saturday morning - today, Wednesday morning I weigh 338.8 that is 7.2 pounds in just 4 days - that will not keep up but it sure is a huge boost when you are starting out.

Also the food is good and I do not feel hungry all of the time.

Love ya,

Sally

[Michelle 2010]

Dang girl! Thats a great motivator for sure!

Congratulations!

Michelle

[Sally]

Just ending week 3 and down 18 ounds.

I am feeling better about myslef and better in general.

Life can be good even while others are trying to put you down (I work at a place that has never heard of positive reinforcement).

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

Fantastic Sally! Knew you could do it.

Maybe you could teach those people a work how good positive reinforcement feels? Some people will never get it but other times just one person can change the whole atmosphere. Changing my approach dramatically changed my family this past month. And made life a million times better here for all of us. Be nice if it worked that way at work for you. At the very least it will make the negative people worry what you are up to.

So glad to see you back. It just isn't the same without you. You welcomed me the day I came and hundreds before and after me. Made us feel welcome and at home. I'll never forget you warm words and kind heart. You are an important part of Laura's.

Love ya

Johnny

[Sally]

Today is Mardi Gras day and to celebrate I decided to go to a parade, the weather has been very iffy and a pouring rain last night made me think about not going.

I found a parking place only 6 blocks away from the parade route - last year I would have had to go home because I could not walk that far and still stand.

This year down 21.2 pounds from my starting weight after only 3 and a half weeks I have more energy and the weight taken off of my knees allowed me to stay for two parades before I had to head back to the car - walking was a bit harder on the way back - probably all of those beads!

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Slow or fast, Sally, improvement is always a good thing. Congrats on what you've accomplished so far, and best wishes on where you go from here.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie