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Guest beautiful

hello i am a 40 yr old male but you would never now cause i have a baby face all my life so i look like i am in my 30 's and i have baby blue eyes. i have been married for 7 yrs to a great woman and have 2 wonderful boys 1 is 2yrs old and my other son is 5 yrs old and just started kindergarden.

There is only 1 thing i haven't been able to gather much strength to tell my wife and that is since i was around 15 or 16 i have been dressing as a woman. there were 2 times when i was still at home where my dad and brother caught me in the act and i felt embarrassed but my dad told me to change into my normal clothes cause my family is very catholic and i use to be very involved in the church.I still go to church and love the lord with all my heart and would not be where i am today without the Lord.

Recentley i have been going to counseling cause my wife and i have been having a tough time as all couples do but we are so much b etter now. but my counseler knows that i have this problem and she lets me comes dressed in my dresses and skirts and heels to my sessions cause everything we discuss is just kept between me and her and she makes me feel very comfortable and thought this would pass me by and just a phase but 12 or 13 yrs later im still doing it.

I do it on mondays's at home when my wife is at work and my 5yrd old is at school. i also by my own clothes i have many dresses and skirts.i also have many pairs of heels the very tall ones i also by my own jewlery and makeup and i by my own wigs . i have a blonde wig and a orange red wig so sometimes im blonde and sometimes im a redhead.today i am actually as i right this have a one piece shoulder length skirt on that is just above the knee casue i like to show off my leggs. i think thsy are myy best feature. i also have victoria secrect's nude nylons on and a nice pair of balck pattern leather pumps on with the strap that goes across the front. i also by my own panties,slips and bras and also my own nails which i have on right now they designed ones with the little beads in them.

I have always felt that there has to be a reason why i keep doing this and i feel i have some female inside of my male body that is trapped and wants to come out because i feel comfortable when i am dressed as female and when i am male i feel kind of depressed wishing in a perfect world i could just come out so i can stop feeling like this.

I recentley went to the store and bought these supplements called natural curves you take them for or 3 to 6 mnths and your breasts increase 1 to 2 cup sizes. i haven't taken them yet but i am on meds for stress and anxiety.

I have also gone out in public quite a few times i'll tell you it was nerve racking at 1st but after a while i was going into shoe stores trying on shoes and clothing stores to try on new outfits and eve victoria secrets to get nylons i love wearing nylons nude,beige,natural and jet black i think they make your leggs look more sexy especially with dresses or skirts.and they all treated me like i was female.

I don't have that typical deep male voice its like a squeeky and i get mistaken on the phone as a woman. so when i go out they treat me like i am i a female and always get me to join a club where if you buy so many things after your card is stamped 6 times you get free things or things half off.

I also get comments from guys when im walking down the street they whistle at me and even the women compliment me about my outfits which makes me feels good.

Then i did the real test and went into a restaraunt to eat by myself as female and sat at the bar and they treated my like female. i can't lie it feels good being this way it makes me feel like i am female i even use a women's name if someone asks me and i tell them that my name is Josselyn. I love that name it is beautiful and i fits me.

I know i will not be able to keep this secret from my wife for too much longer and im gonna have to tell her.i just don't want to lose her or my kids i love her with all my heart as well as my kids all 3 are my life.

And so there is no confusion i am not gay by any means i am not into men at all i love women and love my wife i just want to be like her.i have always been jealous of women they get to wear the best outfits,shoes and there is always a new style of something that comes out for them that they can mix and match thier outfits. us guys we have jeans and sneakers and shoes boring if you as me. so i don't know what im going to do im hoping my wife will be understanding i know it will be a shock to her and it will take her a while for it to sink in but this is who i want to be i can't keep living this lie when i know who i want to be. I know both families aren't going to accept it

My 2rd old saw me like this he smiled and puthis head on my leggs if i could get that kind of response from every one else in a perfect world i could just come out feel better start with the slow process of the male to female tansition. but i know that is not going to happen

I have a long and bumpy road ahead of me i know that its never easy when someone has something that needs to come out and if throw everyone for a loop. but i am confident in who and what i want to become it makes me feel like a girl and it makes me feel special. that is why i came on here to hear other people's testamonies and maybe get a sense of what i need to do myself and maybe from time to time ask questions to laura. i am so glad she started this cause it makes me happy to know i am not alone and there are people out there that care about people like us. and i just wanted to say to everyone and laura thank you for accepting me for who i am yours truly with kisses,BEAUTIFUL

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Hello Josselyn, and welcome to Laura's Playground :)

I hope you don't mind that I moved your post to the introduction forum and gave it a title. You have come to the right place to help you find answers to many of your questions. We will do our best to help guide you on your difficult journey. Also you might want to search the forums the answers. There is a wealth of information here. There are many here who are, or have, walked the same path. It is not an easy path to follow.

If you haven't already I'd like you to read the terms and conditions. A link can be found in the bottom right corner of almost every page.

I hope you are able to feel at home here with like-minded people.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

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Guest Gypsyfeenix

Hi Josselyn,

I'm new here too :)

I read through your post, and one thing really struck me. You said " but my counseler knows that i have this problem"? You were born the way you were born, and that's all. You know you don't have a "problem", right ? It breaks my heart to see an individual so scrunched down by society and it's "norms" that we are afraid to be who we are. You are a beautiful creation, different and unique - just like the rest of us, my friend ;)

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Guest miss kindheart

Hi Beautiful,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We have Intersexed meetings -Wed 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

:wub: vanna

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Playground, hon. I can see by what you've said that in some ways you know what you want and need, and in other ways you are still a bit confused. That is not at all uncommon. I'm glad you have a counselor or therapist, but I am curious if she has experience working with TG clients? That would be the best situation, but a general therapist is certainly better than none.

I will give you an unsolicited piece of advice here; please don't waste your money on the herbal supplements. They will do little or nothing, will cost you plenty, and could cause unforeseen side effects. If getting an A or B cup could be done with six months worth of supplements, do you think any woman would bother with hormones or breast enhancement surgery? Nope.

Please look around the forums, ask any questions you like, and we'll try to provide honest answers. You're right about this not being an easy path, but it can be done, one can keep their family intact, and happiness is obtainable. But it takes courage, work, and determination.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Hi Josselyn and welcome to Laura's. There are many resources here that you can access.

I was confused when I started out. Also thought it was a phase. Now nearly eight years later,

I've never been happier.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Laura's Playground Josselyn. You'll find a lot of people here to share your thoughts with and support for wherever you path takes you.

Johnny

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