What to do on a daily basis in a close minded environment?

[Guest new2polish]

Hi,

Something I had disused with a friend, and niether of us were able to come up with an answer. What can I do to keep that feminine feeling while at work, where work is a close minded environment?

I had for a while worn nail polish on my toe nails, but it just wasn't seeming enough. And this may be part of the reason I stopped, and maybe for a few months stopped enjoying anything CD.

I work in a large organization, where most are closed minded and unfortunately many act like children - meaning if it was discoverd I would be chided and embarssed daily for the rest of my life, likely.

We had discussed it. Panties and obviously a bra are out as they would be revealing (lines). Pantyhose was seemingly ok, but could be easily revealed. MOST feminine jewelry would be too feminine (this is a possibility with the right suggestion). The nail polish could always be explained, a bet perhaps, but as I said, it never felt "enough" for me to be happy with, I needed more.

Does anyone have any suggestions? It would prefrably be something that could be easily explained and maybe just have short lived embarassment. I have to spend maybe 20 more years here, so I'd ike them to be relatively smooth.

[Charlize]

I could never find anything that i felt didn't give me away. Like you i wanted to live my female self even while presenting as male. Perhaps you could get your ears pierced and wear small studs. Many guys do that now. I did that but was full time less than a month later.

Perhaps you should talk to a gender therapist(GT). I was able to talk to another about my desires and situation and that alone helped me to be honest with myself. I am not suggesting that you should do more than cross dress if that gives you the peace of mind you seek but it is good to discuss that with someone.

I do think that you could get away with panties unless you have see through pants or feel you'll be outed in the men's room.

Best of luck. I'm fortunate to have not been in a corporate world. My little business had just a few of us and we became close friends. I never told them about being a cross dresser but did tell them i was a woman now before they first saw me.

Hugs,

Charlie

[VickySGV]

If this is something that needs a constant level of acting out, you should be seeing a therapist who has experience with gender issues. It is possible, with a therapist's help to find something that may not even be outwardly feminine, but which to you is symbolic of or functions as a reminder of your femininity. Also, work with a therapist could help you to understand the dynamics of human observation, and let you get to a point where the dreaded panty line is an acceptable risk. The need to have an "excuse" ready for any behavior may not be as great as you think it is. A therapist can help you work out the issues and determine the true level of risk you are in, they may not be as great as it seems just now.

The other option is to find an IRL support group in your area where you can go and be completely comfortable with others who have lived in your high heels.

[Guest new2polish]

Thank you both for your input It's certainly somewhere to give me a start with this, and I may have to look into a therapist. Greatly appreciated.

[Guest JeepGirl90]

This is an interesting question, and I really felt the need to post. I am in a similar work enviroment, and the one thing I have realized during my transition, is that to feel feminine you don't have to look feminine. Being on HRT I think I'm a little different situation than you. on warmer days I wear a compression sports bra, but the reason I use it is to keep the girls from looking so obvious. a Tank top seems to effectively hide any lines that the sports bra could show. so there is an idea you could do. Also if you want to wear panties, and are afraid of someone seeing them (not sure of what line of work you are in, but for me its a concern) I wear a pair of Boxer shorts over them because once again it hides them well. Now I also find that Blistex Silk and Shiny Chap stick is great as well it gives a slight shine to your lips, but not even close to as extreme as lip gloss would, and if anyone questions it then you can claim you have chapped lips . I also wear Clear nail polish alot of the time, once again, not very noticable. but you know its there . On a other not I have been getting my eyebrows done for probably 6 months now and noone has seemed to notice or more likely just didn't feel to make any comment about it.

Hope that helps

-Christina

[Sally]

I was in a similar situation for years before I finally transitioned so I am familiar with those feelings.

I had a very dear friend who suggest to me that I wear an ankle bracelet - it can be hidden under your socks and if someone is staring at your ankles enough to detect the tiny line - it looks like a wrinkle and gets dismissed immediately.

Also you can use a nail hardener on your fingernails because it is easily explained - weak nails are a problem for a lot of men as well as women - you are simply trying to avoid the chance of breaking a nail so dep that it bleeds.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

I was in a similar situation for years before I finally transitioned so I am familiar with those feelings.

I had a very dear friend who suggest to me that I wear an ankle bracelet - it can be hidden under your socks and if someone is staring at your ankles enough to detect the tiny line - it looks like a wrinkle and gets dismissed immediately.

Also you can use a nail hardener on your fingernails because it is easily explained - weak nails are a problem for a lot of men as well as women - you are simply trying to avoid the chance of breaking a nail so dep that it bleeds.

Love ya,

Sally

Count me in with Sally, baby. Heck, back in Florida still in guy mode, I wore women's shorts, an anklet, a toe ring and a gossamer silver bracelet (obviously a female one) while wearing a muscle shirt, dude's baseball cap, being generally hairy (in guy mode) as King Kong's backside and my favorite junk-yard dog mean-butted scowl. This, every day at the mall!

Did I get stares, laughs and comments? You betcha, baby. What'd I do? If they were decent about it, I'd smile or say a greeting to the people. If they were mean or threatening, I'd say, "What about KMA don't you understand, chump?" I DO NOT advise this tack! That's just me. I'm half-Italian and half-Jewish and could summon my Lucky Luciano/Meyer Lansky mojo when needed; however, I was more buff than a male stripper but not as developed as a competitive bodybuilder. Hence, I could basically get away with this. One dude wanted to get into a throw down. I diffused the situation, we departed shaking hands and laughing. I can be preternatrually full of crap when necessary. Smooth, Lacey, smooth! Again, DO NOT try this!

Time to be your own Stonewall Riot of 1969 in New York City, baby: Get out. Get proud. Get real!

Just my 2-cents' worth. Do what works for YOU!

Rock On Lacey Lynne

[Simon/Sarah]

I understand also your frustrations New2polish. As I wear very loose fitting heavy duty work clothes I can pretty much get away with wearing anything feminine underneath like panties, stockings, bra or bodysuit but when I did wear those feminine items under my work clothes it was NEVER enough, it just fueled my need to go all the way and rock up to work in a dress!

Since then I have undertaken the usual actions to start permanently transitioning from MTF and since then my desire to wear female clothing at work as I now know that it is just a matter of time before I become a woman all the time which has brought some relief to my emotional angst.

I know this isn't really the answer you were looking for sorry, hope you got something out of it though.

[Guest new2polish]

Thanks to all for your help and suggestions! All are good, and I especially appreciate the advice of the first two of a counselor... sounds like good advice I may have to act on at some point.

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi New2polish

I know exactly how you feel. I work in a fairly quiet environment that is not childish and could, on a reveal, cope. It's an office environment and there are no hi-jinks. Daily, I under-shirt treat myself to a nice satin vest-camisole with some lace, or just plain and slinky (no revealing thin straps - it looks like a vest and is easy to wear under a shirt). I don't bother with a bra because it would be too obvious. And to be honest I find wearing a bra too long just becomes an itchy, uncomfortable hassle; don't know how the ladies do it. As for below I love a pair of hold-up stockings, sometimes tights (pantyhose). They feel fabulous! I have sometimes worn knickers but rarely do so due to personal choice.

As for jewellery I have a range of pendant necklaces that I wear. The chains are visible, so look as if I am wearing something simple, like a crucifix. My current favourite is a lacquered lavender diamante leaf cluster. Others are of all sort of designs. But the pendant is hidden, only the chain is visible. I've had the odd problem when pendants got caught on my lacy camisole and I had to extract it without looking too odd!

At home I get away with more. I always wear bracelets but near-enough 'man' style to avoid odd comments. Currently I'm wearing a Sears & Roebuck snake bangle that could be feminine or...just might not be. I also usually wear some flat heels ladies boots indoors under my jeans that I find far more comfortable than men's slippers. The family are so used to this they don't comment. (My wife knows I am a CD, but the kids don't, although I have a sneaking suspicion our daughter suspects...). I often end up in the shops with bangles, boots, the lot and no-one ever comments.

All of this works for me. No-one notices at work and I feel comfortable and happy.

Eve