"I am beset

[Guest Jennifer T]

by the ironies of my life."

Are there lives any more ironic than those who live with something so visceral, so corporeal and defining as those who live a life as something when they are something else indeed?

What are the ironies in your life?

[Guest Jo-88]

education is ironic to me... we are taught growing up that going to school can change your life, the irony is that it does change your life... it destroys it. (at least for me it did)

[Guest Jennifer T]

Jodie, may I ask how education destroyed your life?

[Michelle 2010]

Education loans in a recession are a scary thing. I was afraid for my son getting out of college that he would not find a job and the loan payments could pile up.. I believe its the only loan in America that will follow you to the grave. Bankruptcy is not an option. There are many adult children of working class parents who had to finance education through loans rather than family resources and are now eyeball deep in debt and out in the work world vastly unemployed due to the current economic conditions. I don't think most American's knew the reality of the signature papers until @ 2008.

Not saying that Jodie's situation is thus... but thats the grim statistic for many who bought into the American Dream that existed from the 1960's thru the early 2000's.

Michelle

[Guest Jo-88]

focused so much on doing good in school that I didn't get much of a chance to get any work experience, I also racked up ridiculous debt. Now I cant find a good job because I don't have the experience, and I can't find a reg min wage job because I have less experience than your average high school dropout... but if I list my education then I am overqualified. Higher education is a scam in my honest opinion.

bingo Michelle

[Guest Jennifer T]

In this regard Michelle, I feel truly blessed. Both of my children went to school on full tuition scholarships. No debt.

[Guest Jo-88]

Yep I am looking at around $140k in student loans at the moment and can't even get a min wage job... and my parents are cosigners, so they take all their frustrations out on me even though I am doing my best to find work. It seems like an impossible situation, sometimes I don't know if I will ever recover.

For my generation there is no american dream, its a joke.

But I digress, that was the irony in my life... I dont want to derail the thread. I am sure others have some of their own to say (hopefully more positive)

[Guest Jennifer T]

Jodie, you are young. I'm not sure what you can do about your debt. However, in the longer run, I believe your education level will pay off. I've seen it time and time again. I do know however that it looks difficult where you are. What is your degree in?

[gennee]

Jodie, you spoke a lot of valid topics. I believe that students aren't not taught in the right way. School should be a place where one can experience man things. The education model the education has is restrictive, boring and does not foster critical thinking. I have a degree in childhood education and a minor in English. I refuse to teach a dumb down curricula. I would rather tutor at this point.

I may start tutoring independently and I'm working to get my teaching certicificates. With all the budget going into the military industrial complex, and all the jobs being shipped overseas, the jobs available are low paying service sector jobs. THe same thing is hapening in Greece, Spain, England, Portugal and Italy. THe difference is they are out in the streets protesting and forcing those who caused this mess to leave. That's what needed here in America.

[JJ]

My irony is finding my peace and my place to stand so late. And after the money that would have smoothed the way in so many ways was gone.

I'll set aside time to think about that some day. But for now I have already lost all the time I can afford in the misery that it has caused me and I'm not prepared to give it even one more hour until it's all I have left to do in a nursing home or something.

Johnny

[Guest Jennifer T]

I like that, JJ. Blessed be your journey.

[JJ]

Thank you Jennifer and may yours be blessed as well

[Guest Jo-88]

Jodie, you are young. I'm not sure what you can do about your debt. However, in the longer run, I believe your education level will pay off. I've seen it time and time again. I do know however that it looks difficult where you are. What is your degree in?

I have a B.S. in Information Technology and an M.S. in Entertainment Business... I am actually working on a second M.S. in Game Production and Management but the only reason I am doing my second M.S. is to defer the existing student loans that I can't pay (some of them aren't deferrable anyway)... more irony.

[Drea]

And student loans can't be dismissed in bankrupcy.

From what I seen, higher education facilities are often very wasteful of money.

Education costs like helthcare costs are completely out of control.

Healthcare, since not paid by individuals has no basis on the cost they are willing to pay. In fact individuals are penalized if they wish to pay themselves and billed many times what they accept from insurance companies.

Education perceived as always a good return on the money and easy student loans grew costs to a point where now there isn't acceptable payback and the relevence of education for the fields it porports to educate people for is further from the needs than it has ever been.

[Michelle 2010]

Hey, I've been hearing for six months that North Dakota is the hot spot in North America for jobs! Well, its on the cover of the current National Geographic and true...Kind of like Alaska 30 years ago. While jobs may not be in your field, the pay is 2-3 times what can be made elsewhere for similar jobs. Heck, MIS jobs are needed there too for that matter. Many kids years ago paid off a year's school debt working in Alaska for a summer. Might put transition on hold for 2-3 years but being debt free and 28 years old would be pretty cool... Or maybe you would not need to go stealth, who knows without checking it out?

Michelle

[Guest Natalie64567]

The irony in my life is I always hated myself and my body and never knew why and I just thought I was ugly but found out differently. I remember a teacher in school once told me and the rest of the class "Never try to be someone you're not. Its the worst thing you could possibly do." Well now knowing who I really am and that to be myself would be wrong is ironic and I feel I was much better off being ignorant to who I really am and now wish that maybe I shouldnt have tried to figure out what was wrong with me and exploring who I am is one of the wrost thibgs I could have done. Its so much easier being in the dark and not knowing. Sorry for the rant just feel I needed to get that out.

[Guest LizMarie]

You would have figured it out eventually, Natalie. The question now is what do you do with that knowledge? And really, the only person who can answer that is you.

[Guest Natalie64567]

You would have figured it out eventually, Natalie. The question now is what do you do with that knowledge? And really, the only person who can answer that is you.

You're right, and I guess better now then later on in life. The only direction that we can really move in life is forward. At least now I know WHY I always hated myself and why my face never looked right in the mirror.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Natalie, I know the feeling. To be who I am is wrong. Yep, I know that one.

I'm purchasing a new car. As I cleaned out my old one, I found some correspondence I had with a therapist back in 2004. And I was trying to tell her who I was. And I remembered how tenuous reality seemed as I wrote those words. When we sat together and talked, telling her those things was like opening Pandora's box. Have ruminated many times since, "why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?"

No apologies are necessary here, Natalie. I suspect many know this feeling and this fear.

[JJ]

Natalie I felt wrong on some level all my life but it was because I was trying to be what I was not because I never knew I had a choice. Sure sometimes I hear a voice in the back of my mind saying this is just crazy. But I look at my life, I look at the science that has proven this is a birth defect and I look at how right I finally feel and I know that who I am is NOT wrong. It's an accident of birth. Nothing more or less. Not right or wrong. It just is.

But feeling wrong is a habit. A hard one to break too. It can be broken and attitudes can be changed. Maybe that was really the scariest thing about all of this. That I could change and that I could be happy.

Starting to be happy and starting to like yourself is actually terrifying at first. And makes the roller coaster of up and down that comes during transition even harder to bear I think but it is worth going through and worth relearning. It really is. What you ARE is not wrong but what you think about it may well be, No one is born wrong in that sense. It is what a person does and becomes that determines right or wrong and the good news is that it can be changed as long as you draw breath.

If I could wake up one morning and choose to be transsexual -that would be wrong. I didn't. No one does. Or can make that choice.

I do not feel pride in what I am-and I refuse to let myself feel shame either. But I do feel pride in looking it in the face and doing something about it. To make my life right for me and good for me. And in accepting that it is what it is. In facing the ignorance and bigotry and patiently and kindly explaining who I am and why.

We got a raw deal. Others get raw deals too and if I had to choose there are some things I'd rather be transsexual than be born with. But focusing on that won't do anything except make me miserable. I've already had enough misery and I'm not going to inflict any more on myself for what I could not help or change.

For me-I thank my Creator every day I did find out before I died broken and feeling like I failed at life without being able to figure out why. I figured it out at last and I fixed it and if I die tomorrow it will have been worth it all to have the time I have had. Given how many years of pain and misery-and failed suicide attempts as well-I have behind me that is saying a lot.

Give it a chance. Try to make it good. You may be amazed at what can happen

Johnny

[Guest Natalie64567]

I know that its not my fault that I am trans-sexual but I still always felt ashamed of what I am. I just find it ironic that when we were younger we were told to be ourselves and society is telling us that to be ourselves is wrong. I'm sorry if I offended anybody by saying it that way its just to me, that society thinks that way and that somehow we had a choice when in reality we didn't.

[Guest Jennifer T]

You know, I am not ashamed of what I am. I am however prudent with whom I share who I am. Does that make since?

[Guest Jennifer T]

Natalie, when I was young, yes I was ashamed. And you are correct, it is an oxymoron that society tells us one thing then treats us the opposite. As I have aged, I've come to understand that I am what I am. Nothing more, nothing less. :-)

[Guest Natalie64567]

I still am young and have a lot of growing to do mentaly and emotionally. I feel happy for you that you are not ashamed of what you are because we shouldn't be. I just found out recently and am still trying to accept myself.