Justed Needed To Vent

[Guest karma]

I knew this wasnt going to be easy. But right now Im going crazy! My emotions are all wacked and I dont even Know why. Im happy Iv come out but now I feel like Im at a stand still, worse than before. I know I need to be calm, everything happens for a reason. I just need to vent my feelings. I feel depressed, axinous, scared, and helpless. On the other hand I dont have to hide as much and that feels good and gives me hope. I do want to start becoming more woman like and learing the other side of the fence if I may. How to act, to walk, the do's and dont's of everything. I hid so well I never let myself learn and now I want to. I want to be free from this male prison but Im scared. I need to talk to someone but I cant afored a therapist. I feel like im going to expload. I know everything will turn out as it should, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

Always Karma

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Karma sweetheart don't worry - everything you are feeling is normal and is to be expected. I say this because I am not that far ahead of you, and have been at this for about three months. And you are right it is defiantely NOT EASY. In fact it is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, most probably.

Your emotions are all over the place - yes. Consider this: you have play-acted at being male forever. The conficts against your sense of self were overwhelming you, or you wouldn't be here now. But you are here now, so what is happening? Well... all at once you can release your true self,

Your true self is female. You are really a woman in mind and soul, and it is the body that needs some work. You don't really seem to feel your body is you at all - never was, never will be.

That in itself can make you feel CRAZZZZZZY. And suddenly you are adding a new stress level - coming out? Yikes. Happy-scared don't describe it sweet - try THRILLED-TERRIFIED! It's not your emotions alone, it's your survivial instincts kicking in. Flight or fight is what it's called in biology.

Stand still? Feeling powerful and powerless at the same time. Now that you know in your heart what you know, you gotta get moving on it? Hey, CLASSIC sign of a transsexual, my dear - classic! Impatience! Angst! Frustration... you got it baby... now ya know... gotta MOVE it... but can't seem to get it going?

Okay - a secret here - Liz reveals it all - hee hee

You wrote " I do want to start becoming more woman like and learing the other side of the fence if I may. How to act, to walk, the do's and dont's of everything." SORRY too late. I thought the same thing. I would look at a woman in actual life situations and think ,'I can never be like her - it will take me FOREVER to learn all she does and knows without even thinking."'

BUZZZT - WRONG.

Too late- because you are ALREADY a woman. You already know how to do and think like a woman. All you have to do is let it out. Be a woman in your head and you will soon start to act, walk, move, sit and even talk like a woman. All you really have to do is refine a few things. To do that? Keep on watching - review a few sites for some pointers - then just it go.. Too late to learn - you aready are there - you ALREADY know. Just polish up your act and lose those male trailers... and LET IT OUT!

And hey sweetheart - ya HAVE TO SEE a therapist. They are the key to your options. They not only help you get your head on straight, they show you the way to go to get happiness and contentment in your life. I am not a psychologist, but - according to what I read in your post, you seem to know your mind.

I am MTF and in transition. I am on HRT. I had to do this through a therapist or I would done somthing desparate, I know... I was getting a bit self destructive because I hated myself - not suicidal, but ready to crash and burn because I just didn't care anymore. So there I went, therapy - here I am - thrilled and terrified just like you... but I am finally moving, not fast enough for my taste, but moving none the less.

I hope this helps - will send a bill - hee hee

Psych Lizz

[Guest DeniseNM]

Karma you are going through what all of us go through as TG/TS, a few weeks ago I wrote about some of the same things. Liz said it all so very well. You are here and that is a very big step, as was coming out but now you also have the stress of as well as fully discovering WHO you TRULY are. You just don't have to hide now (from yourself or the world). You're not going crazy you are just going through new things and that in itself is wild, frightening, exciting and overwhelming at times. We are always here for you and each other, so please feel free to vent or cry or laugh or whatever you need to here because we do trulyunderstand what it is like and what you are going through. I am sure some of the folks here would even be willing to let you email them if you needed to, all you need to do is ask (hint hint ).

As has been said before - It isn't easy being trans and it sure isn't for sissies but it sure can be a heck of a fun wild ride.

Denise

[Guest Rayne]

I knew this wasnt going to be easy. But right now Im going crazy! My emotions are all wacked and I dont even Know why. Im happy Iv come out but now I feel like Im at a stand still, worse than before. I know I need to be calm, everything happens for a reason. I just need to vent my feelings. I feel depressed, axinous, scared, and helpless. On the other hand I dont have to hide as much and that feels good and gives me hope. I do want to start becoming more woman like and learing the other side of the fence if I may. How to act, to walk, the do's and dont's of everything. I hid so well I never let myself learn and now I want to. I want to be free from this male prison but Im scared. I need to talk to someone but I cant afored a therapist. I feel like im going to expload. I know everything will turn out as it should, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

Always Karma

Sis,

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, transition is the hardest thing you'll ever do - unless you're fighting cancer or something like that.

it's a struggle that's both external and internal. You're trying to come to terms with who you are and at the same time, redefining relationships that you've had for years.

It's tough, but it's worth it.

[Guest mia 1]

Karma allow me to let you in on a dirty little secret. Those of us who aren't transitioning and are in the androgynous group,in my case meaning someone who appreciates his male parts and yet realizes the female emotions and mental thoughts are so much part of their existence that to deny them could lead to depression etc. feel similar thought.

The other day I went through depression, anxiety, regression, denial, anger,and self loathing. All within a 12 hr. period. I had been to my therapist the day before, but by venting, crying,and sending out a gazillion P.M.'s to those I trust and love, plus postings for our larger family, I realized we are all in this together whatever our goal line hopes are, and that no on is passing judgement on our transitioning.

So therapists are great, expensive and in the long run meeded, go with what you've got and you've got us................Hugs and love....Mia.

P.S. When I said "Those of us who aren't transitioning"in the traditional sense. But we are all in the state of transition,and dicovering our new selves all the time.

Make sense or am I just babbling?

My point is take advatage of us we are ready, willing and able and the cost is very afordable.more Hugs..............

[Guest Martin]

Not being able to afford a therapist is tough. Have you tried your local mental health center? Often they will accommodate those with financial problems. If there's a college nearby with a grad school for psychology, you can see if there are students there who will see you for less. Some gender therapists will also do sliding scale. Just remember to screen any therapist carefully. At a minimum, they need to be capable of listening, willing to support you in as far as you need to go (including writing letters for hormones and/or surgery if that turns out to be your path), willing to learn, and respectful of your identity. A great therapist will go beyond this and will know more about transitioning that you.

It is possible to do this without a therapist. People have done it. However, I suggest looking into all possible avenues for an affordable therapist (if you haven't already done so) before throwing in the towel. Therapists can be very useful/helpful.

[Sally]

I am not that familiar with the situation in Nevada or if you are in one of the large metropolitan areas, but I do know that in many of these, particularly ones with Universities, there are transsexual support group meetings held by a psycologist and ask only a donation to attend. Look for one of these in your area. As Evan so often says, "Google is your friend."

As far as learning to move and act like a woman, just watch them at your local mall, out on the street, getting in or out of a car, just get the images in your mind. Then tell your mind that's what I want to move like and see what happens - if you let yourself be feminine instead of forcing yourself to be feminine it will be much easier and the results will be more natural.

Don't work so hard on transitioning, think of it as fun. We call it the journey, but we so often start on it with dread like it was the last mile, look at is as a vacation! You are on your way to place that you have always wanted to go, but instead of taking a plane and just being there, you've decided to drive and enjoy all of the sights and adventures along the way.

PollyAnna strikes again!

Love ya,

Sally