What does Real Life Test test exactly?

[Guest]

Thinking about this, it isn't the pushing, in as much as it is the leading. I am a fairly up person, I more want to share my smiles. I do cry a lot, though I no longer question my decission for me. Only for me. I did a huge amount of soul searching, self discovery and dismantling that old person to get where I am today. Tomorrow is an unknown. One should never move forward when they can truly say, "I'm fine right here". Unfortunately, we tend to slide forward in our knowledge of ourself and our needs. When I opened Pandora's Box, I didn't need HRT, now I do forever, then I need a name change and gender marker, who knows where my "I'm fine right here" ends. Every phase is a life changing and hugely perception altering event, that does not favor U-turns at all.

I have stated many, many times for new transitioners, to first study women and womanhood from a girl's perspective. There comes a time when almost nothing male any longer applies. One needs to be really ready to change camps. That also includes the support of genetic females too. I speak from MTF, but much of it may apply, for others going in the other direction. This is a hugely uphill journey, it will take everything you have to give to the climb. What you don't loose in life, will be the bonus blessing from God, in my book. Saying Your Mileage May Vary, is not the standard cop out here. It is the severe wake-up call that no one can share your exact journey. We are all just climbing the same huge mountain together. Hug. JodyAnn

[JJ]

Even if it is the right decision for the right people it can still come sooner than a person can cope with. For any major life changing event-from weight loss to losing a loved one or winning the lottery-almost all therapists used to recommend not making any other major changes of any kind for at least a year. Changing a part of identity-even if it is a surface presentation and not inner self identity is massive really. It takes awhile to reintegrate those aspects of ourselves and for many there are major internal realignments as well. Just facing the learning and awkwardness and fear are majorly stressful.

So to be psychologically healthy many feel that year is necessary. No matter how good the event -how much a dream coming true-the stress can be overwhelming and people can crash in flames. You see it with sudden celebrities and lottery winners and overnight successes - it is a cliche because it is a part of our psychological makeup. We are no different. Not immune to that.

When I first came to this I was outraged that the restrictive policies were in place. That there were gatekeepers like we were children. But in time I came to see that isn't it. The most reputable plastic surgeons impose limits on their patients as far as how frequently the can alter appearance and other ilfe altering surgeries like restoring hearing or sight also often require counseling before and afterwards. Some barratric surgeons require it for the same reasons.

We have seen here time and again those who came in and rushed through the processes only to crash and burn while those who took it slow and adjusted to each step before making the next ended up thriving. I understand the push we feel. The need to get it fixed yesterday if possible when we finally do start our journeys. But because we feel so driven doesn't make it right or healthy. Sadly not all therapists focus on that aspect and write letters before people are ready but it does help to have that check as well as a RLT.

With any major life change what looks so straightforward and easy is incredibly complex and hard. Can't be done overnight.

Johnny

[Guest Hannah]

the fact that I would see girls my age living normal lives..

That...is very hard. It's like watching everyone run around and have fun knowing that you've been a cripple and still have a strong limp. But I think some of it, too, is idealizing normal women and their lives. It helps me, to get to know cis sexual women who have had hard lives, too. Somehow it errodes some of the cis/trans sexual divide in my own head, and lets me use my situation to connect better to these women. I'm just another woman who's had a hard life...

If someone doesn't actually have dysphoria but believes they do because of a midlife crisis or some other psychological issue..

Dysphoria is sadness due to someone's gender situation, if I'm correct. In theory, it's correctable by correcting problems in ones gender situation. If something else corrects the sadness, it wasn't gender dysphoria. Someone should make small corrections and test the result before doing big irrreversable things. OK, I'm with you there, I think.

I'm just saying if someone is unsure of what they should do then pushing them with encouragement could be bad.

Yeah, I guess I can understand that. For awhile, I've been telling people that I'm a girl. And people would sometimes nudge me toward hair removal or surgery or something, and I resisted, thinking, I'll just be a girl who's OK with her male body. I had live like that for awhile before realizing that it's just not going to work for me very well, and to realize that I really would like to be hormonally a woman as well as socially.

I guess the problem is more when people try to push cookie-cutter solutions on others...

Thanks for talking to me, Sarah. There are a lot of things going through my head, and it helps to get some of my ideas out and hear the points of view of others as well.

[Guest Hannah]

...then HRT and RLE is quite sufficient to do so...

Best of luck, Hannah! :-) hugggsssss

ps: I use RLE (real life experience) in place of RLT mostly because, well, many people now view this stage more as a progressive self-discovery stage, and less as a kowtow-for-the-letters stage.

Hi, SamWithE. *hugs* I agree with you. (I am a little frustrated that SRS is required for legal transision because to me, I'm not completely sure I want it, and if I do, it's last priority. I bet a lot of people feel the same way, and the topic is another issues in itself, but it does relate to the idea of a cookie-cutter solution. To be a woman in the eyes of the law, you must get SRS. Anyway...sorry, rambling...)

Hi, KimberlyF. Yeah, your example quote follows from a lot of assumptions, and I can see how it could mislead someone. Thanks for sharing your throughts.

[Guest Hannah]

One should never move forward when they can truly say, "I'm fine right here".

Hi, JodyAnn. I think that's a good point. When I was younger I really took to heart the Thoreauvian ideas of living simply -- do you convince yourself you needs things that you don't. For me, I realized several months ago that I needed to communicate my gender to others -- it was the only way to live with a sense of honesty. Now I feel as though removing the male hormones would make me happier. But yeah, one step at a time...

Thanks for sharing your experiences, JodyAnn, and best of luck in whatever your future holds. *hugs*

That there were gatekeepers like we were children.

Hi, John! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Gender related procedures are certainly not unique in that they have gatekeepers. I guess the parts of the formal process that cause a little dissonance in my head are that it seems to imply I have to "prove" I'm a woman. It's something my parents wanted me to do. It's meaningless, really. There's no way to prove your gender.

The second implication is that there's this giant crevase separating men and women. Genders are two bell curves that somewhat overlap, anyway. And the third is that I'm choosing to be a woman in the same way someone chooses to buy a new car.

But I guess these dissonances are really probably more in my head. The wait seems silly, but it really means I should have contacted a therapist months ago. Except I was too stubborn, and wanted to try to fix my problems without help. Anyway, it's like you said, more about having time to adjust to changes in your life, I guess. In my case I have no trouble being treated like a child when necessary --- as long as you let that child be a girl.

Have a great day, John!

[Guest JazzySmurf]

oooh you're in Minnesota!The last time I was there, I tried to board a plane with my old driver's license. The TSA people were a bit freaked, but things went over smoothly once they called the cops... well, the cop just verified that I wasn't trying to steal somebody's identity, and then let me through. Anyways, he asked about my surgical status, and, after I told him about it, he said, "Oh, so you're still a....." and then just smiled.

Best of luck with your transition :-) I know that sometimes things can be super frustrating, but just keep your head high and live your life. I think you'll be A-Ok!

[Sakura]

That was what i ment about cheerleading and its dangers kim, ( you hit the nail on the head with the point i was trying to make)

Though i have been here along time. most of my transition has been done on my own. my contact with the community limited ,i was on hrt 6 years prior to even coming out I am just a highly independant person anyway and never subceptable to peer pressure. the thing i notice when some one does have a doubt , that doubt and or fear is validated as a positive. Like if some one wants to detransition . or maybe thinking this is wrong for them. they are caccooned in validation. and encouraged to stay the course. " it gets better" .... but for some it will never get better or may and likely never meet thier expectations of what this was supposed to be.

I think the real issues with the RLT as an idea is most use it as a waiting period " i have to wait a year !!! uuuuuhg" when one wheather they seek srs or not should use it as a period of growth in the gender they are aiming to be. That first year or 2 is usually a train wreck of name changing coming out on the job and attempting to get your life restarted and settle back in anyway. the real growth and transition into living female happens i feel after that is all out of the way.

But i am really no one to preach to any body( i hope i don't come off as preachy :?). i started self medicating hrt as a teen. came out started transitioning and then seen a therapist about this all. about as basakwards as it can get. the only regret i have is i did not know that hrt would sterialize me ( the cons of not talking to a dr first huh ? ) i think at the time i still would have done it , baring that one dakr spot on my concience. i know with out a doubt that i have taken the right path for my self and my life. i pass stupidly well , well ajusted to my life as a woman but my results are not atypical. so it is why i attempt to refrain from cheerleading. as i have a different set of tools and skills. i sometimes feel rather usless to other trans folk as much of my advice and experience is just not practical to most but i do have the abilty to cheer up and offer moral support like no ones buisness and i do get accused of being insprirational for some odd reason.

Sakura

[Guest Melissa~]

I'm no expert but perhaps three things. #1 can you live with yourself in a post transition state? #2 can you function in a post transition state, (maintain a job/school or at least properly use resources to get help.) 3. Do you have regret or need to crossdress for any reason (back to previous name/presentation.)

My therapist is very much a gatekeeper, and a failure of any of these points wipes out RLE time. A thumbnail size bit of her gatekeeping is her use of February 12 as a start date for RLE, rather than February 5 which was the departmental meeting about my name change. That was outside perspective, that I didn't have my new clearance badges prepped on February 5.

[Guest Hannah]

Hi, Melissa.

While your therapist seems like she's trying to help, these requirements seem silly.

If some guy ends up homeless, we don't typically take away his gender, because "he couldn't make it as a guy."

To me, it's not about whether or not I can function as a woman. (If I could function as a man, I would be doing that now instead of this.) I am a woman. I will make it as one until I die as one. The only reason I am seeing a therapist is so that she can help me function better as a woman.

Sorry to get worked up... But, nonetheless, good luck, Melissa. I hope you do just fine with your "test."

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Absolutely Hannah, I've been in a pretty reflective mood as of late. HRT has opened a lot of flood gates long sealed for me.

I can honestly say that I feel I need SRS to get to where I want to be with how I view my self and my own body, but I am also not going to rush into it blindly. I am glad that there is a minimum year requirement, it will give me time to adjust to all the changes in my life that are going on, and all the feelings that come with it. I don't even know if I'll rush into it when the year is up either. I will have to see where I am when the time comes. Right now I am just relieved to be where I am in my life.

[Guest Hannah]

i have a different set of tools and skills. i sometimes feel rather usless to other trans folk as much of my advice and experience is just not practical to most but i do have the abilty to cheer up and offer moral support like no ones buisness and i do get accused of being insprirational for some odd reason.

Sakura

Sakura, you are brave. And that is always inspirational.

Yeah, you look really good. I think it's easy to envy those who came to terms with their feelings earlier, but I imagine there are challenges to transisioning early, too. I may not have been very happy for the first 25 years or so of my life, but it was probably simpler than yours. Plus, even though I wasn't masculine in behavior, I didn't express my feminine side either, so I can't say I was ever really bullied or harassed as a child.

I guess for me, the three months prior to getting the testestrone down is what bothers me most. Once I have that taken care of, I'm not so worried about the rest... (Sigh...I know, it's only three months, I'll live... )

though I have wanted SRS forever, that year also gave me the time to reflect, really consider whether it was my answer.

I am now a few weeks postop, having gone through a real trial, but always firm in my conviction that I did the right thing.

So much of RLT is about convincing the therapists that you're convinced. But do make the best of your time.

Love, Megan

Well, it's great to hear your moving along, Megan. And that you passed the test. I...don't want SRS very much. I almost wish I wanted it more, since it's what you're suppose to want, I guess, and what you need to be legally a woman. Perhaps my feeling will change, I don't know...

In my perfect world, my genitals are the business of my doctor and lover (if applicable), and no one else... Guess I don't quite live in that world, yet. :/

Best of luck with your transition :-) I know that sometimes things can be super frustrating, but just keep your head high and live your life. I think you'll be A-Ok!

Oh, thanks Sam. *hugs* Good luck to you, too.

Right now I am just relieved to be where I am in my life.

Well, that's a good place to be, sweetie!

[Drea]

While RLT, in my opinion, is a period, at the start of living full time can be important as far as personal development and starting to re-socialize, I don't think it really "tests" anything.

What I feel is more important is getting thrugh all the challenges one may face starting RLT. That is getting thru legal name change, dealing with the trans issue on the job, comming out to people, etc. That and the concurrent therapy that one would go thru during the RLT period.

Otherwise it is little more than a speed bump.

What I see as making RLT more and more irrelevent is the concept of "gender therapy" not involving therapy (i.e. dealing with ones issues in a broader sense, not just gender stuff). That and the various ways that people "cheat" RLT and try and equate it with being full time or even a temporary full time. Where they may "retire" to start RLT in order to avoid the employment issue while they really can't retire yet they have the funds to get a year or two so rahter than confront the issues, avoid them.

As far as preparation for SRS, I see RLT as meaningless. Again it is the concurrent therapy which is important in my view. And if one isn't planning SRS, there is no need for RLT. As I said before, it is just a speed bump.

One of the things I find curious are the objections raised about RLT. How is it someone who obstensibly wishes to live in the new gender role, objects to living in that new gender role? I know there are the few exceptions out there, but outside them, what is the point? Since RLT is only relevent to meeting a requirement for SRS, and SRS has nothing to do with passing or presentation in the new gender role, what difference is there to have to live in that gender role before SRS?

[Carolyn Marie]

.

I...don't want SRS very much. I almost wish I wanted it more, since it's what you're suppose to want, I guess, and what you need to be legally a woman. Perhaps my feeling will change, I don't know...

Actually, Hannah, there isn't, or at least shouldn't be, anything "you're supposed to want." There may be a few who feel like there is, but most of us do not. What you're suppose to want, if anything, is to be happy, and be comfortable in your own skin. That might mean cross dressing, it might mean HRT, it might mean SRS. But it's important for you to figure out what that might be, and not be pressured into doing something you don't really want.

There are a few states that require surgery to legally become female, but they are fewer and fewer. You know, I'm shown as female on my DL and passport, but haven't and won't bother changing my birth certificate. But honestly, who asks for that anymore? Is it really worth having major surgery you don't want, just for that?

There are too many "should haves" in our Community's unofficial rule book. The only one that counts is what your heart and mind tell you that you should do.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sarah Faith]

I agree completely Carolyn that is exactly what I was trying to get at.

Hannah, whatever path you take for your transition you don't have to appease anyone but your self. Only you can decide what is truly right for you, and ultimately only you have to live with the choices you make. If you do not feel that SRS is the right path for you, and you find what you need with out it that is wonderful. Don't let someone else tell you that you have to have SRS or anything else just to appease their beliefs.

[Guest Hannah]

Hi, Drea!

ne of the things I find curious are the objections raised about RLT. How is it someone who obstensibly wishes to live in the new gender role, objects to living in that new gender role?

I guess I do object. Mostly on principle, though.

The criteria for something like SRS should be simply, does it make you happier? If there is a waiting period, the only test should be whether you understand the procedure and it's effects on your body, and whether the desire for it is persistent. Rather than worrying about whether your fit into what the therapist thinks a trans woman should be, the therapist should be worrying about how the procedure would effect your happiness...

Everyone's transition is personal -- I imagine there might be someone who wants SRS but doesn't care for social transition. They just want to feel comfortable about their body.

If your desire is to socially transition, rather than worrying about "official RLT start date" your therapist should be helping you with the practical and emotional difficulties as you find greater happiness in your gender expression...

I know to some degree these things are compromises. I think at one time a trans woman had to be heterosexual to qualify. Now that's not the case, so things are moving forward. It's hard for most to think outside the boxes of "man" and "woman." I have to realize I think about gender an awful lot -- most people don't spend months and years agonizing about it... So to me, this whole process is not bad, and practically pretty reasonable...it just...could be framed better.

And I mostly expect to jump through the hoops myself, even though my endpoint will probably not be SRS.

Sorry, I'm in such a weird mood to want to assert my opinion. Not very ladylike of me I'm afraid.

Hi, Carolyn and Sarah!

It is my hope that legal transition becomes more liberal as time moves on and when I get to that point -- assuming I don't choose SRS -- I can still transition legally to some degree beyond a name change.

[Guest RachelAnn]

Hi, Hannah.

I'm a firm believer in letting the medical profession doing what they are charged to do: Making sure we stay as healthy as possible. When I first went to my doctor - a general practitioner but also with a dozen or so transgender patients - he said to me: "First and foremost, we're going to make sure you are healthy." He told me that I would want to go faster than he felt was safe, and that was to be expected. But he wanted to see me as a healthy human being first, and a healthy woman second. HRT is not a natural thing to the body and there are repercussions. (For instance, going through emotional puberty again in your early 40s makes you a bit... unstable.) And he was right.

HRT started at low doses. I worried that they wouldn't work; that I wasn't really a female; that I was some sort of horrible freak. When I voiced my concerns to her, my gender therapist said, "Trust me, we'll both know for sure in two or three weeks." And she was right. After about three weeks, I went into a calm, inner peace I'd never experienced before. It was new to me: A sense of being normal. Of course, that calm turned into happiness, which went to bliss, which went to euphoria, which eventually comes crashing down. Emotions are all over the map for months. Hot flashes kick in. It felt like I had only one hot flash... that lasted five years.

The orchiectomy came a couple years after that. At the time (around 2002 or 2003), there were only two doctors that would perform an orchiectomy for purposes of transgender treatment. And no medical insurance paid for ANYTHING related to transsexualism ten years ago. So I had to pay to fly out to Oregon from Pennsylvania with my wife, have the procedure, lie face down in a motel room for a week to heal, then fly back. (Oddly, the other doctor was in Philadelphia, where I am, but charged so much it was cheaper to go to Oregon and have it done by a highly recommended surgeon.)

In other words... rather, in the words of my physician, who has now seen and treated dozens of TG patients, "Take your time and do it right. You get one chance at doing this, so take care of your health first." Or, as I put it to him once, to show I understood and agreed with him:

"Better to be a live A cup than a dead B cup."

Hope this helps!

Rachel Ann

[Guest Melissa~]

Oh I'm not ambiguous, I want SRS. Pretty much when my ex removed her self out of my life, I moved forward fairly rapidly on transition when it was clear we were not able to reconcile our differences. So, with me not getting any younger, getting RLT started is of significant importance. I really wanted to live under my new name and role, I was one of those "full time, except work" people for a while. With work properly addressed, it's been a great experience. I do not proclaim to be an expert and defer to the experts that RLT/RLE is a good idea as part of the psychological review of individuals seeking SRS.

[Guest KimberlyF]

Rachel Ann,

It's interesting that according to this last post here and the one on the religion board, you are not living as a female 24/7, but have had genital surgery(Orchi)?

If this is true how did you meet what was at the time a one year requirement for RLT for an Orchi according to the SOC v 6?

Did these surgeons require letters at the time?

[Guest Hannah]

Hi, Hannah.

I'm a firm believer in letting the medical profession doing what they are charged to do: Making sure we stay as healthy as possible.

Hope this helps!

Rachel Ann

Hi, Rachel! Yeah, I agree with you. I hope my doctor does the hormonal transision gradually, my main goal for now is just to not get more masculine... I'm trying to be patient -- I have to wait a few months before I can talk to a medical professional, I guess...

Anyway, I got the name change paperwork ready. Deep breath...it'll be the first truely difficult to reverse change I've made...

Oh I'm not ambiguous, I want SRS. Pretty much when my ex removed her self out of my life, I moved forward fairly rapidly on transition when it was clear we were not able to reconcile our differences. So, with me not getting any younger, getting RLT started is of significant importance. I really wanted to live under my new name and role, I was one of those "full time, except work" people for a while. With work properly addressed, it's been a great experience. I do not proclaim to be an expert and defer to the experts that RLT/RLE is a good idea as part of the psychological review of individuals seeking SRS.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex, Melissa, but I'm glad you were able to transision at work. My transision at work is less of an issue now. Like an overdue oil change becomes less of an issue after you park you car, forget to put the parking break on, and watch it sail off a cliff. I hope that dosen't keep me from at least starting on a low level dose of testestrone blockers.... I guess I don't know, depends on my therapist... On a positive note, I get to start over as "Hannah" when/if I find a new job.

[Guest RachelAnn]

Rachel Ann,

It's interesting that according to this last post here and the one on the religion board, you are not living as a female 24/7, but have had genital surgery(Orchi)?

If this is true how did you meet what was at the time a one year requirement for RLT for an Orchi according to the SOC v 6?

Did these surgeons require letters at the time?

Kimberly,

Even back then, the RLT was not set in stone. I'd been under medical supervision, gender therapy, and counseling for three years. (Maybe four, I've lost track.) I was in my early 40s, had a stable family and a work environment that accepted me. The reasons I was not 24/7 (nor, sadly, ever will be) were to address the needs of others, not myself. Finally, my doctors had urged me to seek SRS because of the disruption the gender dysphoria had caused my entire life. (I can only do the "him" thing for a day or two at most before I start getting irritable, and it goes downhill fast from there.) So I had in effect been living RLT - as it was available to me - for a couple years.

So, yes, I did need letters from both my gender therapist and my doctor. I even talked it over with my pastor, though no letter was needed. All advised me to have the procedure. So had it done as soon as I gathered up the $3,500 or so dollars I needed for the trip and procedure.

*hehe* During the Q&A I do at the lectures I've mentioned, I almost always get the same two questions from a male medical student:

1. Did you.... REALLY... you know... cut them off? (A medical student, but he can't say "orchiectomy".)

2. Don't you... don't you... like... miss them?

My two answers are unchanged:

1. Yes, I really did. (A few guys will sit up a little straighter and cross their legs.)

2. Not for a single heartbeat have I missed them. I miss them about as much as you'd miss cancer.

[Guest jamiejcmo]

Just my 2 cents worth but I think the RLT is important. My psyc is old fahioned and makes people follow the older guidelines( certain time frames for different steps). At first I was impaitent but after all these years I'm glad she made me do it that way. It made legal and work transitioning easier. There were 5 of us that my Dr. took on at one time and I was the only one to make through RLT and the next group was 3 and only one made it out of the next group. Everyone made it up to the point of part time but when required to live full time including work most could not make the transition at work. I am in a very conservative area and it is extremely difficult. It thas been difficult but after being verbally and physically threatened I am still here. I put up with crap from coworkers everyday still after 4 years but most of all I am happy now. I wish everyone the best and hope everyone has a chance to be happy.

[Guest Hannah]

I've been thinking about this whole issue more, and I think I know more what's bugging me:

The process of treating transsexualism stems from a fear of letting someone end up inbetween genders. Perhaps it's done to protect patients since to some degree society fears the inbetween. Perhaps it's just rare that someone wouldn't want full transision. For me, I rather expect to end up inbetween to some degree. I don't feel passing is one of my goals... We'll see how that works for me, I guess. :/

--

Hi, Jamie! I'm sorry you have difficulty at work. *hugs* You must be a strong person to put up with four years of difficulty...you'd think your co-workers would get bored eventually... I hope things get better. But I'm glad you've found happiness, Jamie!

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Just my 2 cents worth but I think the RLT is important. My psyc is old fahioned and makes people follow the older guidelines( certain time frames for different steps). At first I was impaitent but after all these years I'm glad she made me do it that way. It made legal and work transitioning easier. There were 5 of us that my Dr. took on at one time and I was the only one to make through RLT and the next group was 3 and only one made it out of the next group. Everyone made it up to the point of part time but when required to live full time including work most could not make the transition at work. I am in a very conservative area and it is extremely difficult. It thas been difficult but after being verbally and physically threatened I am still here. I put up with crap from coworkers everyday still after 4 years but most of all I am happy now. I wish everyone the best and hope everyone has a chance to be happy.

Hmm I just don't view it as a RLT at all, I'm just going full time because I felt ready to go full time. Didn't really ask my Therapist permission, I just more or less told her that's what I was doing. For me it's just me living as me, I don't feel like I need to prove anything to anyone, I still definitely feel the need to go through with SRS but I also know I'm not ready for that just yet the time will come when the time will come. I'll just keep workin with my therapist and working on rebuilding my life. I really don't view my therapist as a gate keeper, but more of an adviser to help me make not so insane decisions.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Hmm I just don't view it as a RLT at all, I'm just going full time because I felt ready to go full time. Didn't really ask my Therapist permission, I just more or less told her that's what I was doing. For me it's just me living as me, I don't feel like I need to prove anything to anyone.

I didn't even tell my therapist because at the time, I didn't have one. I just did it. I felt ready. I was a little bit scared, worried about what I was going to open myself up to, but in the end it all worked out. My first meeting with my therapist she said "Well you're obviously full time". I finally have an appointment for HRT in 3 weeks. Can't wait! But yeah, I did my transition all backwards, lol. My therapist was telling me she considers the start of living full time when you legally change your name, which to me would have been 3 years ago but in my definition of RLT as living and presenting as your chosen gender, I've only been doing this for 1.

[Guest KimberlyF]

I've been thinking about this whole issue more, and I think I know more what's bugging me:

The process of treating transsexualism stems from a fear of letting someone end up inbetween genders. Perhaps it's done to protect patients since to some degree society fears the inbetween. Perhaps it's just rare that someone wouldn't want full transision. For me, I rather expect to end up inbetween to some degree. I don't feel passing is one of my goals... We'll see how that works for me, I guess. :/

I have not gotten this feeling at all. Most therapists should not have a vested interest in where you stop. It is their ethical responsibility to try to get you to a place or help you maintain mental health. Whatever form that manifests itself as, shouldn't factor for the most part.