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How did you come out?


Guest Jamie_cd

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Guest Jamie_cd

As the title states, I'm a curious to know how you girls came out to family and/or friends. A few people already know, my wife and her sister. Both of whom have been really supportive and loving. Luckily I don't have too many friends or people I'm close to so the list of who to tell is kinda short. It's nerve wrecking to think about telling my dad since he's 65 and is stuck in the 1950s way of thinking. My little brother, and only sibling, is pretty cool and we're very close. So I think he'll take the news ok. I work for a railroad here in Chicago, il so I'm sure there would be some people who look at me funny since the majority of people I work with are guys. It's all a bit overwhelming to think about right now but I don't wanna hide something that's a part of my life.

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Guest Nicole9

Hi Jamie,

The story behind the first time i 'came out' is a interesting one. I was having lunch with a good friend and out of the blue she confess to me that her father was post op- trans and i stupidly remarked back "wow, so if she had the surgery 5 years ago she would have been what mid 60's, wow how did she manage that, i didnt think they would preform srs at that age" needless to say that was followed by some weird looks and some explaining :) But hugs after! As for your question you have to ask yourself what more important being true to yourself or having lots of 'friends'. And any real friends will support you as long as your not hurting yourself. Just remember you have to live with yourself not your friends. Thats probably the best advice i can give.

(((Hugs)))

Nicole

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Guest BrenGirl

I've come out a number of different ways to different people. I came out to some friends either via instant message or in person. My brother was in person. I told my parents through a letter I dropped off at their house when I knew they weren't home. It can definitely be overwhelming like you said. The advice I was given was not to read too much into people's first reactions. It's shocking news to get, and a lot of times the initial reaction is only temporary. Also, you never know what will happen. People can and will surprise you.

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So far, I have only told two people. A friend of mine and his wife. I had noticed that his icon on FB was the red and pink Equality symbol and asked him what his stance was towards TG issues, and he said he was supportive of them, I then told him about me, and he and his wife were really helpful and in support of me. AND they promised to keep my secret!

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest baily

Like some have posted I have come out to my family different ways pretty much was mainly by me getting caught tho. So was more of a Oh my goodness type situation. But, in the end alot were understanding. Which i was so thankful for and very lucky.

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Guest Jamie_cd

I don't wanna get caught. My wife and her sister both know and have been really good about it. I'm still on the fence about telling anyone else. Right now I think I've got a decent plan; dress in what I want and be happy. If anyone says anything then explain it briefly. and seeing a therapist is out of the question right now for financial reasons.

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Guest Guest_

I don't wanna get caught. My wife and her sister both know and have been really good about it. I'm still on the fence about telling anyone else. Right now I think I've got a decent plan; dress in what I want and be happy. If anyone says anything then explain it briefly. and seeing a therapist is out of the question right now for financial reasons.

Hi Jamie: It sounds to me like the most important person in your life knows, and you are one lucky person. I also love your plan it follows my beliefs that you should enjoy your life the way you want to. Amber L.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Jamie_cd

I don't wanna get caught. My wife and her sister both know and have been really good about it. I'm still on the fence about telling anyone else. Right now I think I've got a decent plan; dress in what I want and be happy. If anyone says anything then explain it briefly. and seeing a therapist is out of the question right now for financial reasons.

Hi Jamie: It sounds to me like the most important person in your life knows, and you are one lucky person. I also love your plan it follows my beliefs that you should enjoy your life the way you want to. Amber L.
Thanks amber. My wife's very understanding and reasonable. Hopefully everyone else is too as things progress.
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Guest ~Phoebe~

Came out by going to my first Tri-Ess chapter meeting dressed in female attire. I had gone out a few times dressed before however was scared to be arrested by police impersonating a female ;) At that meeting there was a police Sergeant who gave a talk about being safe when dressed and appearing female. One of the members asked the Sergeant if driving while in female attire was against the law. He advised not against the law with this qualification. That your not presenting female to commit a crime or fraud.

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Guest Jamie_cd

The last part is definitely something I hadn't thought about. It makes a little sense I suppose to dress as the opposite sex to commit a crime.

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I have yet to tell my mother, I feel real nervous about this, still haven't figured out just how to tell her. But I DO plan to, soon, soon as I can get my words straight.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Paulette B

I'm on my third marriage now and have told each of my wives. The first thought it was kinky and dirty and at first liked the idea. We lasted a year and a half before I divorced her, and by that time she hated my dressing (which was only in our home). My second wife accepted it but never wanted to see me that way, so I hid it for the 40 years of our marriage, purging and hiding, and never going out en femme except at night where no one would see me. My third and current wife welcomed this and even expressed some relief because she had been mildly bi- and this allowed her to enjoy me as both male and female. I think I'm incredibly lucky.

Other than my wives and a collection of useless psychologists, I told no one. Then, about two years ago, two years after my second wife had died and I was about to marry again, I told my son (a 43yo) who said it was fine by him, and that our mutual friends would accept this without problem. He was right, they have, and most are quite supportive. One of my two brothers hasn't spoken to me since I began coming out, and the other probably hasn't noticed. All my sisters seem cool with it. Shortly after this I came out on Facebook, where I can be found under my actual name, and have since written a dozen or so essays in my Facebook Notes and on my blog (www.erictheoccasional.blogspot.com), talking about cross dressing. It's been very liberating for me.

I only dress in women's clothing for Rocky Horror Shows, on Halloween, at Burning Man, and now that I live in the NOLA area, perhaps at Mardi Gras. Otherwise it's something that sometimes happens with my wife in the privacy of our home. I also underdress sometimes, but I don't push it far enough to ever be discovered by anyone but an EMT.

So why do I tell anyone at all outside of my family and close friends? Because I think it's politically important. I've been an anti-war and civil rights activist since childhood, so this is just another form of activism for me. It's important to me because when I was discovered stealing from clotheslines at age 12, I was put in a locked ward and given a series of electroshock treatments over a period of six months. They had no affect on my obsessions/compulsions but they scared me enough so that I hid and played "cured," At that time in the early nineteen-fifties no one knew crap about CD, and I had no significant help from the series of shrinks I went to. I was left with the idea that I was probably a homosexual, certainly too weird to be let out in society, and mentally disturbed.

It took me many years to overcome all that (and the help of one Jungian psycholgist). Years of hiding, shame, and anxiety that could have been avoided if someone had just said that I was not alone. I want to be that someone for the CD kids who come after me, so that maybe they will have an easier time growing up and finding their place in society.

So that's why I write about it and don't hide, even though know one would ever know if I didn't tell them.

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Guest Eve Caillard

Crikey, Paulette, what a history! You seem so calm and well adjusted in your post but your life has been dramatic and you have endured some awful pain. I wish you well.

As for Jamie's original question, I've only come out to my wife. You can read my history on my earlier posts - in that at the age of 53 I crashed into cross-dressing after a huge gap since teenage years. I knew I had to tell my wife of 30 years because we are very close and I know she would notice even the subtlest of changes. So I wrote her a long e-mail and went and hid while she read it (I'm useless at talking). I knew she accepted when she said "I knew I was the one who wore the trousers in this house". She accepts, but does not want to see or know. That leaves me free to store my clothes in our wardrobes, and dress when I am alone and she accepts that. Without that small support I would find it very difficult and so I am eternally grateful to her. I don't want to involve our kids, nor my family. My parents would not understand as they are very traditional. My sister might...but I don't want to push it right now.

Good luck all,

Hugs

Eve

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Guest Jamie_cd

Paulette, you've had one heck of a roller coaster life! It's nice to see that you've taken all your experience and are using to help to others. It's definitely appreciated.

I've been slowly telling people who I'm close to. A few guys at work have asked a good friend of mine, who's also a coworker, what's going on with me. But no one will say anything to my face. And that's fine too. So for now things are going well and I'm happy. This coming week I'm getting my new glasses finally, hair cut more feminine and ears pierced again. My wife's ok with it all which is great. Without her support and everyone here, I'd be a wreck.

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Family members,they have been great so far.My daughter Kendra knows too,came out to her when she was 10.Sat down one night and told her.Said she still loved me as her dad.The bad.My ex girlfriends,they were not good to me and made me quit.My ex wife I divorced a year ago,the same way.Came out when we were dating and went to crap.My father did not accept it at all either,said I was a freak

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