Without Visual Cues, My Voice Ain't Making It

[Carolyn Marie]

I volunteer at a museum, a very visual place. I have had no trouble being seen as a woman by the hundreds of people I've met.

Until today.

A woman and her visually impaired companion came to the museum. i was explaining to them where in the facility they could go to experience some hands on exhibits for their enjoyment. The handicapped woman said to me, "Thank you, sir." Her companion corrected her, and she apologized and called me "Ma'am."

So my voice is not making it, at least not at that particular moment. It was about the best I can do, and I have to conclude that without the visual cues of my appearance, my voice isn't cutting the mustard (whatever that means).

It's OK, I still get by 95 percent of the time, and that's a pretty good batting average. I'll do great with any hearing impaired visitors!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

There are many things that go into voice and gender identification and voice can be perfect if word choice and speaking manner provide different cues.

I would say, so what. The same sort of situation plays out with the telephone, but is such incredibly important that nobody ever mis-reads voice?

Seems to me that there isn't much point about dwelling on it.

[Guest otter-girl]

Hi Carolyn,

Coming from the other end of the spectrum where I only get by 5% of the time Id just like to say that the woman misgendered you just as she would have any woman with some masculine features in her voice. Having come so far there is still the tendancy to think it is our mistake rather than theirs.

Hugs

Rachel

[KathrynJulia]

Carolyn

After working on my own to feminized my voice for a year,I feel that i totally wasted my time. I've now had 22 hours of professional voice work with graduate level speech pathology student and her Supervising Professor. Today they put me through an oral exam because next week Lauren has to prepare a report on my progress. Then Lauren my grad student voice coach and Gwen who is supervising compared my voice today with my voice 11 weeks a go. We played my voice over the phone when I started and how it sounds now over the phone. Carolyn, I can't begin to tell you how stunned I felt. I hear two entirely different people.

They want me back this fall. They are going to begin advertising MTF voice therapy as an offered therapy in the Speech and Hearing Clinic and use segments of my therapy as a teaching aid for new speech students. My new voice I use on the phone sounds so different to me. Kathryn

[Carolyn Marie]

That's fantastic, Kathryn! You have every right to be proud of yourself. Hard work pays off.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Carolyn -I know that it is hard not to be disappointed when someone misgenders by voice but it was am isolated incident and may even be that she is around some male with a more feminine voice. There really is quite and overlap between male and female voices.

The other day I was in a store and there was a checker who was not like a natal man in spite of his light beard-softer jawline, skin and body shape more female-but his voice was deep and masculine. He called someone over to help - a guy who was unquestionably masculine but when he spoke he sounded just like Mickey Mouse. I grinned and was reminded just how diverse the human population is in both genders.

I know that transwomen spend a great deal of time and effort on their voice and understand that but an occasional misgender doesn't mean you don't pass muster-it is more likely to be something in the background or perception of the person who responded incorrectly.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest Jenn348]

I have to wonder if transition is ever really over. Sure, you can get to passability, but like all things in life stuff comes along that reminds you that you aren't perfect and still have more progress to make.

Life is a process. To the journey!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

That's been my issue. In person, I have no problems at all. On the phone, however, is where I get called sir time and time again.

I've played around with my voice but my current voice I'm comfortable with. If I try to raise it, to me it sounds awful and has no real inflection so that to me means it's not a good direction. I've tried to emulate Bailey Jay via listening to her podcast but her voice seems really nasally and that to me sounds equally awful.

For now, whenever I am on the phone, I try not to let mis-gendering bother me...but it does a little.