what do i do?

[Guest Angel Heart]

-sigh- now what?

i've become an alcoholic, on top of everything else i am. :/

although it is pretty cool to get wasted to the point of barfing, then waking up the next morning without a hangover (like this morning) haha

but anyway, yeah............

[Guest]

Walk away from it Love!

It's an expensive habit and really hard on the body.

I can only wish you strenght to keep away from the monkey.

Wish I was closer.

Huggs,

Joann

[MaryEllen]

Accalia, alcohol will solve nothing. Sure it will make you feel good for awhile but when you sober up, all your problems will still be there. If you feel that you're an alcoholic, contact a local branch of AA. Or you can sign in to the AA meeting Sunday evenings on the chat. You seem hell bent on self destruction but it doesn't have to be that way. You are not a worthless human being as you seem to think. You need to get that thought out of your head. You are just as good as anyone else. We all think you're a decent, worthwhile person. Don't prove us wrong.

[Guest Angel Heart]

lol a decent worthwhile person, eh? hm. interesting.

yes, yes she is very focused on self destruction. it is very hard for her to cope with all the abuse from her childhood. I will make sure she tries to get to an AA meeting here on sundays.

If she is too young to even be drinking in the first place, can she go to a local AA meeting?

Joann - is it really that simple? Just walk away? I don't know about that. She finds drinking to be better than cutting, so she sticks with it as much as possible. again - she is having a terrible time coping with all the body memories and flashbacks

[Guest RockmtalQueen]

<--offers Accalia the biggest virtual /hugs

Part of the reason I moved out of my parent's house after graduating high school was due to my mom's alcoholism. That, and the constant yelling that would ensue from her and my stepdate on an every other nightly basis

/hugs

Lexi ^^

[MaryEllen]

If she is too young to even be drinking in the first place, can she go to a local AA meeting?

Yes, you can go. There are no age restrictions. If you are too young to legally purchase alcohol then someone has to be getting it for you. Whoever it is is doing you no favors and certainly has no concern for your well being.

[Guest Angel Heart]

thank you very much Lexi. (((((hugs)))))

My friend is getting it for me with my money. i told her i needed it and she understands.

ps - sorry for speaking in 3rd person before. i was kinda dissociated haha

[Guest Bellexia]

I understand the process you are going through, maybe not exactly what you ARE go through but I am having a similar process. The disassociation, horrible memories, flashbacks and the alcoholism. Alcohol or cigs are not something easily walked away from. I am dealing with it myself. I may not have any answers, I do have the offer of that you can talk to me if you need to vent. That said, it's probably best to just drop it. Maybe replace it with something else. Gaming or something.

[Guest Angel Heart]

i've dropped cutting for drinking. this was only recently. i'm not sure i'll be able to stop on my own. i need help. i will message you

[Guest Bellexia]

Sure thing hun, my inbox is always open

[VickySGV]

The rooms of AA have seen people as young as 12 or 13 in them with serious alcohol problems, and there are meetings for younger people in many places, where the only role of older people is to remind the teens that they can get older and have successful meaningful lives. If you go in to an AA meeting, no one will flinch an inch to find out how young you have began your association with the booze. Many many many can honestly admit they were bombed out during junior high school classes, and the number increases exponentially for the ones who gave a new meaning to the term "High" School in their relationship with booze. For some of them you have started well up in years.

Sure, drop on over on Sunday nights at 9:00 PM Eastern time (for you that is 6:00 PM). We have never kicked anyone out yet, but maybe bored a few of them talking about drunk stuff and what it takes to become honest and ready to work for a new future, It is hard work, but the rewards are not what you can expect at this point in your life, they are so much better than what your expectations can handle just now.

Until Sunday, google Alcoholics Anonymous with your Zip code, and I'll bet there will be one you can walk into less than an hour after reading this, do it for yourself.

[Guest]

lol a decent worthwhile person, eh? hm. interesting.

yes, yes she is very focused on self destruction. it is very hard for her to cope with all the abuse from her childhood. I will make sure she tries to get to an AA meeting here on sundays.

If she is too young to even be drinking in the first place, can she go to a local AA meeting?

Joann - is it really that simple? Just walk away? I don't know about that. She finds drinking to be better than cutting, so she sticks with it as much as possible. again - she is having a terrible time coping with all the body memories and flashbacks

Accalia, Love!

No it's not simple to walk away from.

Find yourself a different outlet for your frustration. Anything. Go weed the garden. Vaccuum the car. Walk in the mountains. Bask in the sunshine.

Bake. Paint the bedroom. Whatever, it really doesn't matter what you choose to do but stay away from the monkey. I could write a family bible on my stuupors but that's another post.

My PM is always open(except for when I sleep).

Hold on Accalia.

Huggs,

Joann

[Charlize]

Vicki is right. there are meetings everywhere. i'm out of town for two days 300 miles from home and have found and attended 5 meetings in two days. i've met so many nice people, found the best restaurants , gotten hugs and love and stayed sober instead of drinking in the motel room. Nobody will give you trouble with being too young and i actually first came out to straight people in the rooms of AA. I shared that i was trans with a room of strangers at 7:00 this morning and got only hugs and support in a small town in NH. Give it a try dear, if you give it a real effort it will help with more than drinking problems.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

PM'd you, Accalia.

You can hold on.

Huggs,

Joann

[Charlize]

Accalia, I just wanted to let you know that later in the day on Friday i went to a speakers meeting and was welcomed and made to fell at home by several of the women from earlier meetings. They know i'm trans. I am open about that in the rooms often as it is a place where i'm safe and my honesty sometimes helps others.

Hope you can make tonights meeting at 9:00 eastern(Sun.). You can always stay out and drink and things only get worse. The end of this disease is death or institutions but there is a choice.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Guest_]

Accalia: There is not much more advice that I can give than what has already been spoken about. My father was in AA for 33 years. I thank god for that every day. He is gone now, (76) but if it was not for AA we would of lost him along time ago. Nothing in life is simple and some times it can throw us a curve ball. That is when we need to step back and collect ourselves and get ready for the next pitch. Please find the time to try a meeting or to. You are such a beautiful young lady with alot to offer. I am no expert at anything, but I am here for you If you need someone to talk with. God Bless you Amber L.

[Guest Angel Heart]

Thank you very much, everyone, for your support.

[Guest]

Good to have you back Accalia.

Thank you for checking in.

Hope you're doing better.

Huggs,

Joann

[VickySGV]

We missed you last Sunday in Chat.

[Guest Angel Heart]

I know i'm having computer troubles. I have to use campus computers while mine is in the shop; the library isn't open late enough for it, - plus i'm not big on staying at school late

[Charlize]

I'd recommend that you google AA for your location. There are GLBT meetings in every area where you will find support and help with your drinking. Usually the meetings are in the evening but there are day and early meetings as well. I know in my fairly rural area(hard to believe in NJ) i could get to 3 meetings a day.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

Accalia, If I may, let me show you Jody's crystal ball and drawer full of T-shirts which are not badges of my honor:

My first whiskey stolen fron my Grandfather at age five, Mmmm that stuff is good!

Swiping Pop's beer, pre-teen. Seduced by a boy about the same time, that caused me to get raped twice under threat of death, by his way older brothers friend. The hatchet was very convincing. The second time, taken to a graveyard. Do, or don't go home, live here! Yes it affected me...

Otstasized by every adult and friend in my peer group that I tried to get help from. Now branded the town queer in a little hick town so small it didn't had a cop shop or a fire department.

Thirteen. My first road motorcycle. Discovered sex with girls! Wow! Bye bye, boys! Stole my first car and got caught by a neighbor, stole my first bag of pot.

Had my own car at fifteen, that was my escape! Off to the state line with a false ID to get to the liquor store. Soon they knew me by name.

Smoked in the day at school and after, ate supper and went drinking all evening. Never in the little hick town. Weekends were just a blur.

Made new friends elsewhere and started drinking underaged in two out of town bars almost nightly.

Went to a new school and my drugs and drinking got bigger. By the time I graduated high school, I was a full blown drug addict and alcoholic.

I spent the next twenty five years cheating myself out of every dream and the best years of my life. Nearly ODed twice. I spent more money in my addictions than my classmates spent on homes, cars and raising families. So Jody, woe is you and boo hoo... Yeh, sort of. Let's just say I was functional.

I found Alcoholics Anonymous and a whole new life. The coolest friends on the planet, of all ages. We all found a great way to live and succeed. We laugh and party without a drink or a drug. They don't mooch my money or steal my dope, like everyone did in the past, including me. I could have never transitioned back in that day. I hid in shame, guilt and in the closet. Numbed and dumbed in outer space. A red eyed existance in the Twilight Zone. Not today girl frenz!

Now let's look at Accalia's T-shirts: Young, beautiful, hugely talented. Forget the closet, she can be out and about in this new day and age. She is very intelligent so she could break through the denial and find the address of the AA hall. She could make friends, win their hearts and move about, in any LGBT or straight meeting she cares too. Why am I so sure? Because I do! Honey, I'm working with way less than you do. Go grab the world by the tail! Be the star that you are. Booze and dope is a huge garrantied dead end. Your life is your vessel girl, fill it up! Don't drink it up.

My kids have more sobriety than I do. They have both been going to meetings with me, since they were tots. Cheep booze is aged for days, expensive booze is aged for years. There is no age limits in AA because drunks get pickled in about the same time frame. Giggle.

I'm not trying to be preachy, but you are so worth investing in you. Don't let your demons tell you differently. Love. JodyAnn

[Charlize]

Amen sister, please listen to Jody Ann

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Angel Heart]

you failed to mention all my bad tshirts, which out number the good by a long shot.

yes, maybe it is amazing to live as myself every day, and to have a wonderful amazing boyfriend. but, that just doesn't cut it.

my pain. my agony...you were raped twice at the threat of death. I am so sorry it sounds absolutely horrific...

i will need a thesauras to describe all of my rapes..

i am sorry...i've just begun my addiction. and it helps in the ways that i need.

[Guest]

I'm happy to see you back Accalia.

Try to get the monkey off your back while it's still young.

PM me anytime.

Huggs,

Joann