what do i do?

[Michelle 2010]

you failed to mention all my bad tshirts, which out number the good by a long shot.

yes, maybe it is amazing to live as myself every day, and to have a wonderful amazing boyfriend. but, that just doesn't cut it.

my pain. my agony...you were raped twice at the threat of death. I am so sorry it sounds absolutely horrific...

i will need a thesauras to describe all of my rapes..

i am sorry...i've just begun my addiction. and it helps in the ways that i need.

Its said that when the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of change, we addicts and alcoholics change...

So... when the solution of "using" to escape "pain and agony" no longer allows escape, you will have pain and agony when not using and pain and agony when using... that is when many of us find sobriety. For many of us that is the only way... The flip side is that some people learn that the elevator only goes in one direction and that is "Down"... but we can choose the floor we get off on. For people who understand that, they escape alot of nightmarish existence and loss.

I wish you well on your journey.

Michelle

[Guest Angel Heart]

i don't deserve to go anywhere but down. trust me

[Guest]

Aaaaaawwwww, Accalia.

You deserve much more than that.

Know that you are loved by us here.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Angel Heart]

i've noticed... your love is what is keeping me alive

i went to an aa meeting today...

[Guest Sarah Faith]

i've noticed... your love is what is keeping me alive

i went to an aa meeting today...

Accalia that is great news, I hope that it went well for you! I hope you keep going, I think in the long run you will find that it'll be a really good thing for you.

I have to agree with Joann we all do care about you and want to see you build your life up and thrive hon. We're here for you!

Hugs,

Sarah

[Guest]

i don't deserve to go anywhere but down. trust me

Worst news I could hear...

"i've noticed... your love is what is keeping me alive

i went to an aa meeting today... "

Way best news I can hear today!!! The steps in the program are simple. They are like the washing machine for our messed up T-shirts. They help us decide which ones are so beat, holed and raggety that they need to be discarded. Which of our T-shirts just needed washed and maybe pressed, to be good as new. Then we can see if some of our T-shirts may help others, so if they fit, we give them away. We do love you. You are worth clean and sober with a happy wonderful life.

You have no corner on the market for pain and denial. It is the standard upolstery for the chairs in the meeting halls. When one stands up, takes the steps, life gets really cool. "Some times quickly, some times slowly, they will always materialize if we work for them." The Big Book doesn't lie. Giggle.

Don't worry about all that just yet. Just keep going to meetings, get comfortable, make friends. The rest will come soon enough, but not if you stop going to meetings. AA is global. One day I expect to wander into a new meeting hall, round-up or convention. I will see and hear you say "Hi I'm Accalia, I'm alcoholic", I will fall out of my chair, spill my coffee, give the biggest smile and hug to you. Then, I will tell all my joy to other friends in the meetings, that the program works!

Atta girl! Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest]

That's great news Accalia!

I'm beaming from ear to ear. This sure is great news in the mornin' to wake up to.

The first step is always the toughest but you know that. Keep goin' forward.

I told you you were loved here.

Biggest Huggs to you. Way to go.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Sherryleigh]

Hey

I drink pretty much everyday, beer. I don't necessarily drink because I'm different, I drink because my parents taught me to drink. Problems? sure does my sexuality determine my drinking? Maybe. Alcohol didn't make me what I am or how I feel but alcohol is very convenient to allow me to refuse to accept who I need to be. I'm legally drunk now as I type this but at the same time I use it as an excuse to deny myself.Maybe I'm wrong but being a drinker doesn't make me a bad person Maybe it just make me kinda normal. I've felt different before I ever took my first drink and it does not change even when drinking. I'm not sure what else to say......

Sherry Leigh

[Michelle 2010]

Hey Sherryleigh, welcome to the Playground. I see you are new here. You may have noticed there are alot of threads here dealing with alcoholism. Read through them and see what you think. Sounds like you have a pretty good idea whats happening. the chat group sunday nights is a good place to ask realtime questions and get answers.

Glad you are here!

Michelle

[Charlize]

Hi dear and please know that you are not alone. I learned to drink with my family. Dad had a bar that looked like a shrine and it opened every night for "Happy Hour". Well for me 58 years later happy hour was 24 hours a day and filled with pain and tears. We all find that we have lost control at different levels and in different ways. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and just seems to get worse. I lost all control. It made going out in public easier but i hated myself and hurt others. 5 years into sobriety i found that i could be honest about who i am and what i always tried to hide, filled with shame and fear.

It has been a year of living full time for me as a sober woman and my friends in the rooms of AA have embraced me as has the small town where i grew up.

Hope you can join us on Sunday at 9:00 in the chat rooms. You have to register there separately.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

"Maybe I'm wrong but being a drinker doesn't make me a bad person" Absolutely not Sherry Leigh, you are a wonderful person! That won't prevent you from possibly gaining an alergy to alcohol.

There is a home test that you can do to see if the alergy is gaining on you. Drink just one beer after supper on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Treat yourself to two beers on Tuesday and Thursday. No other drinking of alcohol at all. Then no beers on Saturday or Sunday. Can you do this for a whole month without cheating, or drinking any other alcoholic beverage including mouthwash.

Then spend the rest of the year with no alcohol. Don't worry it's still out there. The stores won't go out of business because you are on hiatis. If you can't do it, you may have the alergy. If it is a piece of cake, congrates on not needing the program. I alway imagined only drunks from the bus depot and train station platforms hung out at meetings. I was so way wrong, it is happy and funny, loving and kind friends, just all with a common alergy. We joke that if all of us were together in the bar drunk, it would be a bar room brawl. Open meetings are for anyone to come, if you are bored and curious, check out a meeting. You won't be chained down and forced to stay. Enjoy the coffee. Don't worry about throwing a buck in the basket. Guests fly free. Giggle.

Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest]

@JodyAnn

I think those are the best frequent flyer miles I have heard of yet.

Huggs,

Joann