So I need some help (dunno which forum for this to go under)

[Guest Toby B]

So I did something really stupid and I'm still reeling from it. So my little sister and I got into this HUGE fight. Like, screaming at each other. And she was accusing me of not trusting her and that I think my life is soooo much worse than hers because I'm 20 and in college (and honestly, I don't know how she made that connection). No matter what I said, it just made it worse.

And I just got angrier and angrier as time went on.

Mind you, this was in a car. Its not like I could have got out and walked away. I was driving her to an extra curricular thing. It was awful. We were both crying and yelling at each other and she kept saying how much I don't trust her and don't love her and all this stuff.

And I don't know why I did this. I snapped and just lost my temper completely. I yelled at her saying that I'm transgender. And immediately as I said that, I got horrified. I wasn't planning on telling her until six months from now so I could know for certain this is who I am. I was gonna do that with my parents too (which I still haven't come out to them).

But I just lost it and told her. And she started yelling at me even more saying that I didn't trust her enough to tell her and that I didn't try hard enough in telling her and if I had only tried harder I would have been able to tell her. And I tried saying it doesn't work like that, its not cause I don't trust her, its cause I was scared. But she said she accepts me and loves me, but she also said she's hurt that it took a fight to tell her something as big as that.

And now I don't know what to do.

[JJ]

First maybe look at what is making her say you don't trust her and then apologize for the way you handled it no matter the cause. An apology can go a long way.

Then thank her and hug her for the support she gave you in the middle of all that. It's a great blessing. Many times in anger we lash out to hurt people and it doesn't look like that was her response here. that is a great thing.

Once you have both calmed down then a nice long talk will probably make a world of difference. but I would recommend a place that you are both comfortable but is private. For some reason a car never seems to be a good place for a talk like that.

Since she was accepting this could mean you will have someone in the family to confide in and be supportive. And that is a real blessing

Johnny

[Guest Toby B]

I ended up sending her some messages explaining myself more (she'll see them later because she's at her school thing right now). I'm much better about talking things through writing than actually talking. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have gone about it that way. And I did apologize to her both in person and through the message. I just have a lot of anger and anxiety problems that caused me to snap.

Gahhhh I'm really stupid. And I did apologize profusely, but I still feel really really stupid. And if all coming out experiences are like that, then that may be my last one.

[JJ]

You arent stupid-just a normal human being. We all slip sometimes and it is hard to stay cool when someone is yelling. I don't start fights but the hardest thing I have ever learned is to walk away from one. I still slip on that -a lot.

One thing that helped was telling myself that I want to act and not react so when I feel myself about to snap back I just think to myself "Act. Not react" and it helps.

Holding on to what happened or beating yourself up over it won't really make anything better. Maybe it is time to come out after all? Maybe instead of announcing a done deal it would be better to have them share your seeking and discoveries? I can't say for sure because I don't know you or your family but sometimes we find ways to put ourselves in situations to do things we really need deep down but fear.

Just an idea anyway

Johnny