Hello ^^

[Guest MrShou]

Hello all. I'm Shou. I'm a newbie. Hehe. I guess I wasn't one of those 4 or 5 year old children who thought there was somethibg wrong with me not having the right body, but quite recently (last 2 years) I've realized whenever I'd see a handsome, attractive man I'd always burst out and say "Oh, I wish I looked like him!" And I never thought nothing of it. Until when I was about 10 or 11 and it was x-mas. I asked my parents for boy things. I started acting like a boy, talking like a boy, starting to look like a boy. I always hated my body and wished one day I'd wake up and instead of breasts and a vagina, my chest would be flat and I'd have a penis. Every morning I woke up was a dissapointment. I guess I tried to run away from it thinking to myself "No, no. This is not right." and started to dress pretty girly, until about a couple months ago. All the thoughts I've been hiding from have been creeping back up on me, but this time even worse. I become so irritated and upset with the way I look I have emotional breakdowns countless times a day. I've always fantasized about being a boy. Though I'm the more dominant partner in the very few relationships I've had, I just can't fully be happy unless my body is that of a males body. I can't even imagine a relationship with a guy, I hate macho, all protective guys, even if they were so effeminate, just knowing they have a flat chest and a penis makes me so upset. I would rather be in a relationship with a girl over a guy, guys are okay as dating goes I guess, but I don't have much experience seeing as I'm only 14.

At first I hesitated about posting on here, thinking I'd screw something up or say something wrong. Even though I think I didn't, I'm still not too comfortable with it. So again...Hello.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WOW

A bunch of people will soon be here to greet you!

I am older - but have been working with people on this site for while - and your story is just about typical - so welcome to a place where you can ask questions and find out who you are. There are a huge amout of teens here- and a huge amount of FTM people.

Lizzy

[Guest Zabrak]

Welcome, Shou. Theres no need to be shy or scared. Everyones welcoming and supportive here.

[Guest Felicia Anne]

hello shou! welcome to the boards! my name is felicia anne, and even though i'm pretty new too, this is a place of incredible support and vast resources. you only have to be yourself here. and if you have not done so already, check out the different posts and sections on the boards. it is like a wonderful library that you can enjoy as much as your heart desires...

(dancing around with a large book in my arms...)

now, who would like some cookies and milk? there's a fresh batch in the kitchen...

[Guest Jackson]

Welcome! Relax, no one bites. We're all pretty laid back around here.

[Sally]

Welcome to the forums.

I see that you have met a few of our friendly greeters - they just greet you because they want you to feel welcome and at home. I see that you have gotten a glassof milk and some cookies, so sit down and look around there's a lot to see.

We don't have a lot of rules here (I hope you did read through them) but the ones that we do have are designed to keep this a safe place to be.

I'm like Elizabeth and one of the older ladies here (that's more mature) so I am going to go back to my job and leave you to look around - the teens forum is fantastic, as moderators we have to approve new posts and we are amazed at the level of insight that you young people show. When I was your age - nobody talked about this at all.

Have a great time,

Sally

[Guest MrShou]

Thank you all.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip!

Woah! Just got here! Computer has been down...YIKES!

Hello, Shou...it's really nice to have you here! I'll bet you'll like it as much as we all do real soon..

Above me you've met some of the wonderful folks that make up the Playground...We all do lots together..we help each other and listen and even have some fun!

Go ahead and partake of the treats on the goodie cart....

Have a good time, Hon...

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Guest Magan]

Hey Shou!

Welcome welcome welcome! You have found a very supportive group here

[Guest Irielle]

hiya Shou - you have come to the right place! You can be perfectly honest here - everyone is supportive and Felicia really does make the best cookies......

[Guest mia 1]

Irielle do you want Sally to challenge Felicia to a bake off? Puhlessee,let's just say they tie for first place, or maybe Sally makes the best chock. chips and Felicia the best Oatmeal cookies. Yeah that's it we will keep them both happy and they'll keep baking the cookies.....As they say in the land of Guiness.... BRILLIANT!! Clink

[Guest Felicia Anne]

Irielle do you want Sally to challenge Felicia to a bake off? Puhlessee,let's just say they tie for first place, or maybe Sally makes the best chock. chips and Felicia the best Oatmeal cookies. Yeah that's it we will keep them both happy and they'll keep baking the cookies.....As they say in the land of Guiness.... BRILLIANT!! Clink

ohmigosh!!!

i don't want to compete with sally! oh dear, i hope i didn't overstep my bounds by baking all these cookies! i was just trying to help, and if sally was the provider of cookies before i got here...

dumb little newbie, dumb little newbie...

[Guest mia 1]

You're funny Felicia Ann,you can have second place, but don't stop the cookies from coming out of the oven...Hugs,,,Mia

[gennee]

Welcome to the site, Shou.

Gennee

[Guest Emily.SoCal]

Heya, Shou!

Welcome to the Playground!

I'm always amazed when we get a new younger member. I knew something was going on at 14, but I kept it locked so deep inside of me. You on the other hand are getting in touch with your self and taking steps to be who you really feel that you are. Your bravery is impressive!

One bit of advice I might offer (probably already been offered above) is that you consider talking to a gender therapist. I have one and she's *wonderful*.

I am sorry to hear how much pain this all causes you. I know how you feel, I feel the same pain. In reverse, of course. All us transpeople struggle with our bodies in their own way. Talking -- not just to a therapist -- can really relieve a lot of the stress. I hope you stick around and talk with us.

Nice to meet you, sir!

-Emily

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hello Mr. Shou,

Have no fear, you have come to the right place where you can sit and talk til you're blue in the face about what is hurting you inside. There are a wide range of people that have had many experiences, and somewhere in this grand group you will find that all of us have gone through heart ache about who we really are.

But the beauty about this place is that while you are here, you will finally be able to let your heart heal alittle bit and sort some things out.

How does that sound so far?

I hope you will stick around and check it out. I guarantee that if you do you will come here one day and find that you are a little more relaxed.

So sit back and soak up the love and the friendship that is as endless as the stars

Luv

Amanda LR

[Guest Irielle]

Aha, I better clear up a misunderstanding

When I said Felicia makes the best cookies I might have better said she makes great cookies.

I was using the word 'best' in the sense of great, not in the sense of 'good - better - best'. I wasn't using it as a superlative. But I can see how it got interpreted that way. No offense intended to Sally, who also makes the best cookies and brownies.

EVERYONE makes the best cookies here!!