thinking about drink

[Guest Alexx21]

its been about a year and a few months since the last time i had a drink

But the last few days av been thinking about it

Today in Tesco i was getting juice and there was alcohol cross from where i was i stood there and could see whiskey out the corner of my eye

really wanted to buy it ... but i couldn't as my husband was with me and he would never let me get drink as he know i have problems with drink and i cant go out the house with out my husband because of social anxiety

I really feel like i need it i cant stop thinking about it

Am not in AA any more as i found it wasnt working for me

I just do this on my own mainly

[Charlize]

Hi dear. I know that urge and there was very little to stop me when it hit. I came back from open heart surgery and couldn't wait until i could get to the bottle i had hidden in the barn. It was hard to get there as i had trouble walking and when i had my first shots i held a pillow to my chest to keep me from splitting open if i coughed.

I know you say AA doesn't work for you and i certainly wasn't sure but it's been 6 years and i am living beyond my wildest dreams. I enjoy the meetings and have friends now with whom i don't have to drink to feel at home with. That seems amazing to me.

It might be worth giving it a bit more time.

We have a meeting here on chat every Sun at 9:00 eastern. I know that is late for those on your side of the pond but please join us. AA works if you work it.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

Hi Alexx. I haven't seen you around much lately but maybe its because I have been away some as well. I know it can be very difficult and fatiguing to be constantly battling for balance in life. Sometimes it has sees like I'm the kid who walks the top of the fence with arms outstretched for balance, lest I fall one way or the other. I had that happen all the time with alcohol... for years. Today it involves Gender stuff mostly and I don't fear the result if I lose my balance. AA taught me to let go and learn a new way of life, a way that I am rarely battling, tho I may be balancing.

With the other issues you have expressed here it may be worth another try at a 12 step program in order to have a little peace...

Glad you are here

Michelle

[Guest Rhy]

One of the best tools I learned is to think the drink through. In other words where will that "one" drink take me...

For me it will be a living hell where I hate everyone and everything 24 hours a day 7 days a week. and ME, I'll be at the top of that hate list.

I will HAVE to drink every few hours or the shakes start.

And then the worst happens, drinking gets to a point where I am stupid drunk physically but the alcohol no longer numbs the emotions or slows the brain. In other words drinking stops working.

That jumping off place with alcohol: where you can't live with it and you can't live without it.

Not to mention that I would be unemployable and homeless.

Nope, one drink isn't worth all that!

Your specifics may be different but I truly Hope that tool helps you.

where I learned that tool... AA

good luck,

Rhy

[Guest Alexx21]

The reason i found that AA wasnt working for me is that i am too scared to go to AA because of my social anxiety and my voices

The voices tell me to hit people and am too scared just in case i do do that

My husband keeps saying am not that kind of person to do that

But am still scared i might i tend to avoid big groups of people

Also i found it hard to stop thinking about drink when everyone was talking about in AA

[Guest Rhy]

I can see how being around a big group of people could pick up the anxiety. I am spoiled here in the US especially living near New York City. We have meetings all the time and some where there are only 3-5 people and others where there are 200 and anywhere in between.

have you tried online AA meetings? it might be a way to get some help without the social anxiety.

Try out the link below to find online AA meetings, if your interested of course

http://www.aa-intergroup.org/

keep going one day at a time.