Navigating Corporate America - new career

[Guest Erwynn]

I've always worked the sort of job that I hear about, go talk to the boss, and just get the job - mostly janitorial jobs and handyperson work, but also a long, steady part-time teaching gig. Never was a problem to be gender variant in either case.

I got an internship in the field in which I recently earned a masters degree. The job is very corporate, and while I hate shirts with collars, I've adjusted to that part.

What I hate is being in a damn closet. I go down 3-4 floors to use one of the two unisex restrooms (that alone would be a dead giveaway, right?). I'm fairly cagey about my personal life, although everyone knows I have kids. HR knows and the hiring manager know I'm still legally female - I had to put the legal reality on the background check stuff. So, for all I know, half the other people know from that.

On paper, it should be a safe workplace to just be myself - they score high on the HRC stuff, with the annoying exception of trans coverage on insurance ( a non issue, since I don't qualify for that benny yet). I could list a dozen good reasons to be cautious, though - it's a conservative area of the country, a conservative industry, and the place is heavily male-skewed.

Thing is, I don't like feeling like I'm living a lie. And MY truth is that I'm a transguy. I have the work history of a stay at home mother because I WAS one. It actually explains a lot of the things that are weird and cagey and shy about me at work that aren't true of me in situations where I'm out (most places).

So do I buy a round of drinks after work and explain myself or what? And the flip side to that is will I be able to show my face in the company gym if I do?

This is just one of those days. I just want to be there and do a good job and be able to just say what I actually did over the weekend without editing it. I hate living in closets.

[Guest LizMarie]

You are under no obligation to disclose your status to anyone who does not have a legal need to know. However, the personal aspects of coming out to people can lead you to make such a decision. In the end you are the only one who can make that call. I would also suggest trying to get some impressions from those people with whom you most feel a need to come out. If you discover that they are tremendously transphobic, it might alter your perspective. If you discover they are supportive, again it might alter your perspective.

It does sound as though your corporate situation is protective of you, which is good. Just be aware that even with such protections that some people can still be bigots and find a way to try to make you miserable. Be aware of that and ask in advance of HR what recourse you have should such occur.

Working with HR and company management, especially when they are basically supportive and you demonstrate a good work record and ethic, are your best bets for fending off bigotry from other employees, if it occurs.

And if you are really fortunate, it won't occur at all.

[Guest Erwynn]

Thanks, LizMarie - talking to HR sounds like a good plan. It's a big enough organization that I surely can't be the first. I know there's no way I would be with the parent company.

I'd bet good money that the young guy with whom I work wouldn't care in the least. So there is that, at least.

I think it's not healthy for me to be closeted. I realize others might feel a different way, but I know myself. I can't deal with being secretive.

For instance, today I went to donate blood at a company event. It went to hell in a handbasket after two hours of updating my records and the initial nurse being really nice and saying I could choose my gender on the form. I wasn't sure what people could overhear, and I was devastated, quite frankly, when I ended up being turned away because the manager said I was supposed to use my assigned-at-birth-sex and tried to edit my file - at that point I was just turned away, even though I'd qualified to donate. It was the closest I'd gotten in years, since I'd had low iron or had a cold or whatever every time I tried lately. I wanted to do it, and I was not only kicked out, but I was repeatedly misgendered a few feet away from my coworkers.

That kind of crap, the fact that I want my kids to have lunch with me in the diner (and they call me "mom")... just living. Not even getting really personal, just being. It's just too hard for me to put on fronts. I'm very, very bad actor.

[Guest Erwynn]

Megan Rose, I will let you know how it goes, and I hope all goes well for you, too.

It's not the sort of thing where there's a good and obvious time, but I'll probably just slip up, anyway. The people who I know have that information about me are just as nice as everyone else (it's a really friendly place, if a little buttoned up).

[Guest Erwynn]

Oh, and this is my work computer, so now the network people know. Obviously, I'm fine with whatever falls out. I am going on the theory that if they don't like who I am, then I'm in the wrong place.