Self-Confidence/Body Dysphoria Issues

[Guest Emily_MI]

I have been in transition for three plus years. Currently I am doing electrolysis, working on my voice and seriously researching my FFS options. Lately though I feel that I am stagnant with my transition, and I look at my self and just do not see any/very little changes from HRT with my transition so far and I am still not full-time yet.

Here is a main reason why: When I am out in public, as my male self, I do not get called Ma'am even by mistake when either at the coffee shop, grocery store or even at my evening classes. Of course this does not help with my self confidence and makes me not want to go out in public as Emily, and in return it discourages me even more. I am on taking some school time off next semester to concentrate more on my transition but any advice on what else I can do to help me get past this?

[VickySGV]

If you are expecting HRT alone to get you ready for public transition, I can see where you are badly stuck!! While I am very happy to have been on my HRT for a month short of 4 years now, it has almost been secondary or less to my transition, and now post op, I am finding that the surgery has less to do with my feelings of true self than I could have told you this time last year when I had just applied to a surgeon for the surgery. FFS, I was told to forget about by two surgeons, unless I REALLY had too much money in my life, and then I could spare the pain by just giving them the money as a gift. I am the female person I have needed to be, but that is because of the core of my being that none of the other stuff changes one silly bit.

If you feel you need to transition, just jump in and do it. Go for the girl, and you will more likely get it right than wrong. There is no perfect and only way to become you. If you are in guy mode, certainly you will not be mistaken for female because you are still presenting as a guy. Male fail comes when the inner part of your life starts shining through the male exterior. When you become caring, when you start smiling more, when little things people do for you become important, then you have started your real transition. Putting on the clothing and other trappings of your preferred gender is step 24 along the way, if that high up,

Get rid of your unrealistic expectations, a true and heroic job for you and your GT, and you will be on your way. Let your mind and outlook become your true self, do not say that you will hold on to your male self until such and such happens, or the tombstone you get will be male because such and such do not happen. Perfect does not come, today as you can.

[Guest Emily_MI]

If you are expecting HRT alone to get you ready for public transition, I can see where you are badly stuck!! While I am very happy to have been on my HRT for a month short of 4 years now, it has almost been secondary or less to my transition, and now post op, I am finding that the surgery has less to do with my feelings of true self than I could have told you this time last year when I had just applied to a surgeon for the surgery. FFS, I was told to forget about by two surgeons, unless I REALLY had too much money in my life, and then I could spare the pain by just giving them the money as a gift. I am the female person I have needed to be, but that is because of the core of my being that none of the other stuff changes one silly bit.

If you feel you need to transition, just jump in and do it. Go for the girl, and you will more likely get it right than wrong. There is no perfect and only way to become you. If you are in guy mode, certainly you will not be mistaken for female because you are still presenting as a guy. Male fail comes when the inner part of your life starts shining through the male exterior. When you become caring, when you start smiling more, when little things people do for you become important, then you have started your real transition. Putting on the clothing and other trappings of your preferred gender is step 24 along the way, if that high up,

Get rid of your unrealistic expectations, a true and heroic job for you and your GT, and you will be on your way. Let your mind and outlook become your true self, do not say that you will hold on to your male self until such and such happens, or the tombstone you get will be male because such and such do not happen. Perfect does not come, today as you can.

I know that one of my biggest 'walls' that I created for myself is my fear of going out as myself or presenting as female in public. My friends who know about me say that I am passable now as a girl (when in girl mode) but again they are my friends, so I am not sure if they are just saying that to not hurt my feelings? I know that we are our own worst critics when it comes to how we see ourselves, but honestly I do not see myself as being a passable Woman when in public and that just scares the hell out of me for some reason.

I am not sure that my exceptions are not that unrealistic? I know that I am not going to ever look like Jennifer Lawrence, Angela Jolie or Jennifer Aniston but was hoping that at least that I would be at least to the point of having the self-confidence to come out as my true self to the world. Linked below is a link to some pics, let me know what you think or any recommendations/critiques would be very helpful. Thank You.

http://imgur.com/a/z4dh7

http://imgur.com/a/7Vx6m

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Emily, even with the thickness of the eyebrows you are indeed passable. Your problem is not what's on the outside of you, but the inside. Until you decide to allow the female within be comfortable with being expressed on the outside you'll forever be fretting.

Sophia

[Guest Emily_MI]

Emily, even with the thickness of the eyebrows you are indeed passable. Your problem is not what's on the outside of you, but the inside. Until you decide to allow the female within be comfortable with being expressed on the outside you'll forever be fretting.

Sophia

I totally 100% agree that it is myself holding me back, I am still struggling with my fears of fully transitioning and worrying what others may think or say. I wish I knew a way that I can work around this but for some reason this fear is just paralyzing to me.

[VickySGV]

Keep talking to us hun, keep talking to us! Around here you can be yourself.

Believe your friends who say you are acceptable when you are out en-femme, they are not wrong. If they are friends you can trust your heart to, they do not betray that heart or trust.

Go out some day and FORGET what you are wearing, except have one pretty bracelett where you can look at it from time to time. Make a deal with yourself to NOT look in a mirror from the time you leave the house until you return. I did that once, and shocked the hell out of myself when I went into my bedroom on the return trip. I looked and SAW myself just as I had felt the whole day, I was not as neat as I had left the house, but I saw a major change I had not seen in the morning when I left it.

[Guest nomnomnom]

My advice is just to jump in and not look back. ever.

I recently went basically full time as presenting as female, but this weekend had a sort of reversion to please my 'inlaws' and not cause a fuss. I too was treated like a male by them and random people I dealt with. That, along with a few other issues (including having a single wine) caused me to flip out and cry uncontrollably for most of the nights remainder. I'm still in a bit of a state after sleeping it off.

when you really want to be female. When you need to express yourself. When the estrogen has been flowing for a long time, it's just cruel to yourself to remain as your old lie, as male.

you will pass, especially with people you didn't previously know. And those who you do know, including true friends, good family and decent coworkers will accept it pretty easily and treat you how you should be. As a woman.

(honestly I don't know how you've not done it yet after 3 years. )

[Guest Emily_MI]

My advice is just to jump in and not look back. ever.

I recently went basically full time as presenting as female, but this weekend had a sort of reversion to please my 'inlaws' and not cause a fuss. I too was treated like a male by them and random people I dealt with. That, along with a few other issues (including having a single wine) caused me to flip out and cry uncontrollably for most of the nights remainder. I'm still in a bit of a state after sleeping it off.

when you really want to be female. When you need to express yourself. When the estrogen has been flowing for a long time, it's just cruel to yourself to remain as your old lie, as male.

you will pass, especially with people you didn't previously know. And those who you do know, including true friends, good family and decent coworkers will accept it pretty easily and treat you how you should be. As a woman.

(honestly I don't know how you've not done it yet after 3 years. )

Why I have not done it after 3 years? Mostly because of my own fears and self-confidence issues. Currently I am reading a lot about how to properly come out at work since in today's world you really need to protect your rights. Granted I am lucky enough to work in a office that is 95% female, and some are out as lesbian. One co-worker who knows about me is very supportive and one of my closest friends. I am sure that most will not care but again I want to do this the correct way to protect myself.

I am seriously looking to join some local trans groups to not only meet new people/friends but also to talk with others who are going though the same as i am. I can't keep continuing the way I am right now and need to make something happen either to talk with others or start going out more as myself so I can get out of this stagnant rut that I am in.

[Guest CassieX]

Emily, you look great! From both the pictures you posted it doesn't look like you would have any trouble being seen as anything other than the woman you are.

Maybe its your body language? I don't really like the term 'presenting' as it implies you are pretending to be something you are not. I'm only 5 months on HRT, still have have noticeable chin stubble midweek but get Ma'am'd while wearing jeans and an Invader Zim T shirt.

You might notice by my lack of profile picture that I am still pretty self conscious about my lack of photogenic appearance and being married to a model doesn't help on that front either, lol!

But, it doesn't stop me saying to heck with it and going out in public anyway and you know what?, attitude overcomes any amount of physical presentation. Most people see what they want to see. I was at lunch today with my spouse and stepson and while I was with them I was getting the occasional mumbled sir at the table from the female server, but when I went on my own to pay on the way out I got Ma'am'd by the female cashier and another male server. Such is the strangeness of life.

I have a silly ritual every time I get out of bed in the morning. I go to the bathroom, look at my self in the mirror, stick my tongue out and laugh at myself. Talk about morning after hair!

Support groups are a great benefit. I've made tonnes of friends locally since going to mine and having friends with you while shopping just encourages you to shop more! Or maybe that's an excuse?

One last thing, a smile is a girls best friend so use it as much as possible, or maybe it was the thing with the batteries?, not that I'd know