losing my mind

[Guest DravenFoxx]

So i really just feel like i need someone to talk to, i mean i have my wife but shes to involved i guess cuz it makes her upset when she cant help me, so if your all ok with me pouring out my soul here.,

im 23 and out. Ive been living as myself for, about 3 years now. I was on t for about a year, probably the best year of my life in the sense that i finally felt like yeah im really goin somewhere now. Well for the past 2 yrs Ive been off t. (lack of funds) but i swear the longer im off the more like i feel im goin crazy. I just feel angry all the time anymore, dont get me wrong im married to the most amazing woman and weve got 3 great kids... And i feel bad for feeling bad if that makes since. I just feel like Ive just been standing in place with my transition and its makin me crazy.when i get called ma'am or she i feel like i could crawl out of my skin, i hate it. Idk sorry had to get all that out

[Guest Rhy]

Draven,

Not sure how much help I can be, except to say I understand the emotional roller coaster of being trans.

I have not started a physical transition. I can only imagine the level of frustration of starting and stopping due to funds only. However, I know when there are things I "can't" do due to my money situation, I try and remember the things I'm choosing to spend my money on and feel empowered that way. With 3 Kids in the mix I am assuming (possibly wrongly) that you are being a good Dad and spending the money on raising the kids and providing for your family. That is something to be proud of! A man sacrificing for his family: very noble in my book.

I know it is impossible to ignore the ma'am and she thing but I am just telling everyone it is He and Sir. Some get it; some don't. Now when I say everyone I don't me everyone under the sun. I mean everyone I care about or will be dealing with on a regular basis (minus work where I am not out yet). I am not at the point of correcting a waiter or cashier, chances are I will never see these people again nor have a relationship with them. Therefore, I could care less what they think of me on any level. As long as they are being polite: I pay my money, eat my food, or whatever and move on with my life.

It was kind of nice to hear that we can be angry from NOT being on T.

Dude I hope that helps a little,

Rhy

[Guest Strong]

Draven,

Hi my friend. I do understand. How financing can sometimes put things on hold. I have 4 kids still at home and my 3 grand kids. I've only been out a little over a month. A lot of big changes has occured in a very short period time for me. Please pm me if you want to or need to.

Strong

[Carolyn Marie]

I really feel for you, Draven, and I'm sorry you've had to endure this. It's especially bad when you have had a taste of what it can be like, and then have to give it up. Have you exhausted all the possible alternatives for acquiring your hormones? Government supported clinics often have lost cost pharmacies. If you have or can get a prescription, legitimate mail order pharmacies provide 2-3 month supplies at greatly reduced costs. Many national chains have generic drug schedules that are much cheaper.

I hope you can find a way to get back on your meds. Someone probably has good ideas that I haven't thought of.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Draven I am so sorry you are going through this. Awhile back it looked like I might have to be without T for awhile too and I found the idea unbearable. Beyond appearance -that is really more of a perc than the goal at this point-is how it makes me feel right. I hope you can find some way to afford it again soon.

Have you sat down and brainstormed about possible sources of funds like selling on Ebay or something? It's pretty easy to make a few hundred a month even that way -I was a power seller and made my living for several years selling on ebay. Even if you don't have stuff of your own there are always things undervalued at thrift stores and yard sales or auctions. Or there might be some sort of part time job you can do like mowing or cleaning up yards during the summer. T itself is relatively inexpensive in relation to a lot of the things we spend money on in our lives and there are sliding fee clinics and such in many areas to get the testing done. Some LGBT groups in some areas can put you in touch with the clinics with sliding fees and some actually have clinics in a few instances. No harm in trying.

I know when my family was going through some really rough times I felt very selfish with my T coming first but I am not much use to them and can't be as strong as they need me to be without it.

Don't know if any of this helps but I do know that there is a solution out there if you keep searching for it and committed to finding it.

Johnny

[Guest DravenFoxx]

My issue really stems from the fact that i literally have no money anymore. My boss hired me as a bio male and when she found out different she cut me to 5 hours a week, so even sliding scale places are non option right now. I really am at a loss, and i feel like im being ridiculous and selfish because it bothers me when there are so many things that even i feel like are more important like the rent and the lights. Im lookin for a new job currently, and im hoping for the best but i just get to feeling so... Idk hopeless i guess. I live im southern Indiana does anyone know of any of those clinics exist here in corn field nowhere lol. Ive looked but cant seen to find any.