Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello


Guest Zayden

Recommended Posts

Guest Zayden

Why I'm here. (sorry, this is going way into detail)

My chosen name is Matthew, but I prefer Matt. This is the name I have used since I was 14 or 15 among online friends and when I started coming out to people it is the name I have kept. I have not started requesting that people call me by that name and still go by "Kat" among friends and family.

I hear a lot of people say that from a child they felt that they were different. They didn't lie within the "normal" gender spectrum. There was definitely a few things I remember as a child that made me rethink my gender identity now. Sure, I played with dolls, and lego, and trucks, and just about anything. My parents did not force me to conform to either gender perfectly. I, in fact, am probably one of the luckiest people because of my parents being so open!

I was never a "girly" girl. Sure, I was in Girl Guides. I dressed up sometimes. But I almost always wore either gender neutral clothing or men's clothing. I wore men's deodorant because I liked the scent more than women's. I used men's body wash and shampoo. I had a hard time being friends with women (and to this day only have one close friend who is female). I also had very short hair for the majority of my adolescent years, favouring men's hair styles over women's. Society wise, I had more typical male characteristics than female ones.

When I was 13 or 14 I was first discovering sexuality and it was at that time that I came out as being bisexual. Probably not the smartest move in a school that was very anti-GLBTQ, but I think in a way it made me stronger. I wish I had stood my ground a bit more, but it was all new to me. When I was in Grade 11 I started the GSA at my high school. Thanks to a local pride group, we were able to also attend the provincial conference that year. Unfortunately, due to a heavy Christian influence in the school, once I had left the GSA was pretty much... crushed.

I remember distinctly somewhere during grades 9-11 meeting someone who was MtF and we shared a lot of the same experiences and something sort of clicked in me, suddenly things made sense. However, being trans in the community that I grew up in would have been... well, I couldn't be openly trans. I did do some cross-dressing at times for different pride events, though. I have a few corsets that I had made myself and I would bind my chest with those.

I do not like being biologically female, and it has nothing to do with my menstrual cycle which is what my grandmother would always say! I used to say I wished I was a man frequently, which I guess should have been a heads-up to me that I wasn't 100% fitting the female spectrum. I would prefer to have male genitalia and when I see men without shirts on... well, I'm a bit jealous that I don't have that flat chest. I have always tried to love my body and I think that has been a huge part of why I have never really looked at altering it or at transitioning. Recently, I came to accept my body and that is when I realized that my body isn't the one that I would ideally have. Initially, I identified as androgynous but after spending some time thinking about things I have realized that the term FtM fits me better.

I'm coming on being 20 years old in the next few weeks. Now would be the best time for me to start HRT but I have decided to opt out of that for the moment. I am considering top surgery at this point but it is too early for me to decide. I want to make sure that I am making the right decision for myself with everything. I have no menstrual cycle so that isn't an issue but I do intend on having surgery so that I permanently cannot have children.

I have been diagnosed as mentally ill (not sharing my diagnosis due to privacy) but I am hoping that transitioning will eventually help things get a bit better too. I have a therapy regime I have to follow, too. I just have to keep myself safe and keep moving forward so that hopefully in a few months with the changes things will get better!

I still have to come out to my parents, who will be totally cool with it, as well as my friends. So for now I am still, appearance wise, female. I do have a packer that is home made and I am trying to get a proper binder. Kind of nice side note, when I finished my packer and started wearing it... it was like my entire life finally clicked into place and that's when I really realized that was the right thing for me.

Cheers.

Matt

Link to comment
Guest Sarah Faith

Hi Matt, Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are more sure then you initially stated, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be absolutely sure. It also sounds like you are in a good situation with your parents, though I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with school you're definitely not alone in that, school was awful for me for similar reasons. You've come to a good place to meet others who relate though, and there is a lot of good information to be found from our great members here. :)

We do ask that all new members check out the terms and conditions at least once and they can be found on the lower right hand corner of this page. Looking forward to hearing more from ya!

Hugs,

Sarah

Link to comment
Guest Zayden

Hi Matt, Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are more sure then you initially stated, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be absolutely sure. It also sounds like you are in a good situation with your parents, though I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with school you're definitely not alone in that, school was awful for me for similar reasons. You've come to a good place to meet others who relate though, and there is a lot of good information to be found from our great members here. :)

We do ask that all new members check out the terms and conditions at least once and they can be found on the lower right hand corner of this page. Looking forward to hearing more from ya!

Hugs,

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for the reminder about the T&C, I wasn't sure where to find them!

As I was writing I was kind of connecting the dots on how I felt too, in a way I realized exactly how much this does fit me. To be honest I have just started to come out to myself as FtM although the idea and possibility of it have been in my head for a while.

My partner is MtF so while she knows quite a bit about that side of things, her knowledge is a lot less about FtM, which is why I was hoping to find some support and knowledge here.

Thanks again!

Matt

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Hi Matt,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)
We have FTM meetings -Mon & Fri 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.
We all look forward to seeing you.
:wub: vanna

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • atlantis63
    • SamC
    • VickySGV
    • Ashley0616
    • Susie
    • Ivy
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,033
    • Most Online
      8,356

    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Newest Member
    ArtavikenGenderflui
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • atlantis63
      I wanted to create a thread about this   Eurodance act from sweden. very good. love his stuff   worth a listen if you never have
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon,    I have a young friend who is vegetarian and married to a full on meat eater. They have two areas of their grill clearly designated for their different cooking requirements. When she’s cooking she uses tongs or chopsticks to handle any meats. When he’s cooking he respects her request not to cook her meals on the side where meat has been. They get along fine and respect each other.    When she attends our house, she usually brings her own food, but knows I will clean my grill to meet her requirements. We love and respect her commitment to be vegetarian. I love that she trusts me to make her comfortable when visiting us. There are ways to make it work.    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • atlantis63
      I was going to call it Numbness, then I realised well.. it isn't. basically, yeah, it isn't.   this only happens to me sometimes. I'll be lying down and my legs will.. well, I guess lock?   If I straighten them out, they will unlock- when I roll over again, they will lock again. this lasts for around 10/ 15 minutes I guess   it's not pins and needles either
    • Ivy
      In this case the MAGA GOP transphobes Just my opinion of course
    • atlantis63
      so, a close friend wants to cook for me   the issue is, she is a vegitarian and won't handle meat- I, on the other hand, won't handle vegetables- hate the things   every time she goes out to the shop, she comes back with something.. a cake, a fruit smoothie, a coffee, I won't eat any of it. please help me think of something that she could make for me that I'll actually eat   disclaimer: you are talking to the most pickiest eater in the world. good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think there is some truth in this.  They intend to implement Project 2025, whether or not he spends his energies persecuting the Democrats who have been persecuting him (in his view, a debatable point) and does nothing else.   I have seen numerous accusations that the document is about "Trumpism", whatever that is, and is merely a vehicle for him to become dictator.  From what I have read so far, that is the same sort of truth as the Steele Dossier, denying the validity of a certain laptop, Schiff's non-existence evidence of collaboration and a host of other things, many directly from Biden, that are simply not true.   I will continue reading it. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Who, precisely, are "they"?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Wife of mine pointed out that not getting a haircut for a month looks hideous - weird bald patches.  So back to super- short buzz cut.  This morning I braced, looking in the mirror.  I look like a woman trying to pass as a a guy, maybe  a small-breasted woman with enough T treatment to grow a mustache.    I would not believe me if I read what I write about me.  This is nuts.   White t-shirt: that they sell in the back of WM so you can tie-dye them or otherwise decorate them. They are thick and long lasting and slightly fitted, so that they could be a man's.  I like them.   Jeans, flip flops.   I will no longer point out these are women's.  What else would I wear?
    • KymmieL
      That is all that is necessary. I did the same thing. I must have gotten something wrong.      
    • Birdie
      Quite right mate! I have been letting my hair grow out again (I cut it all off when I was 18).    I'll never look this good:    But I'll aspire to look my best! ☺️
    • Ashley0616
      sympathy: an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other : mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it : unity or harmony in action or effect every part is in complete sympathy with the scheme as a whole —Edwin Benson : inclination to think or feel alike : emotional or intellectual accord in sympathy with their goals : feeling of loyalty : tendency to favor or support republican sympathies : the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another : the feeling or mental state brought about by such sensitivity have sympathy for the poor : the correlation existing between bodies capable of communicating their vibrational energy to one another through some medium
    • Ashley0616
    • Lorelei
      I got my voting registration card the other day. So I can definitely vote in the general election this fall. 
    • Timi
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...