My Intro Hi

[Guest Lost]

Hi, i am snow and this is my first post. I am 17 years old and will be turning 18 February 20. I Know i am young but i feel like i should have a direction for my feelings about my gender. It is a reoccurring feeling that has followed my for some time now, and i can honestly say that my feelings of even questioning my gender has had me in denial for a few years.Starting from just coming home to a empty house when my dad was at work and wearing stolen clothes i had got from my cousin. Being male, i can say has been hard in high school when you don't feel the way you see your friends and peers feel and act. being envious of girl friends and other girls around you body's wishing you were like her is not very helpful ether. I don't think im gay cause i have never really thought about men for sex.Hell i never got past kissing women intimately before feeling shame for wanting to be in her place or have body like hers. to honestly say i have never held a relationship for very long. it has always been hard to deal with these feelings and i don't feel comfortable in telling any of my family especial my father. i have always looked up to him and feel i am letting him down for feeling this way because i know he would not not approve of it. Fear has also been a big part of not coming forward form my grandmother saying thing about "you are black are always going to be hard for you" and use of the "race card" to my dad saying literally things are going to go my way or you will get out .The threats coming out and telling them something that my leave me on the streets. I seriously think i am transgendered but telling anyone doesn't seem like the best idea.

[Guest Evan_J]

You don't have to tell anyone (even though you just did ) its enough to "be here" if thats what you need. I certainly am sure loads of people here can appreciate what you're feeling and the space you're in even if they've never been in "exactly" the one you have fear of coming out and loosing people and their support is a song everybody here just about knows the words of. Even people for whom it "worked out" there still was that fear before they knew it.

You're amongst friends feel free to get comfortable. Look around and don't worry about asking anything that needs askin.

[Sally]

Hi Snow, I usually invite our new family members to come sit by the fire, you won't melt, will you?

Come on in, have a seat and I'll get you a cup of cocoa and some fresh baked cookies.

Now, you've met my twin brother Evan and a lot of other really nice people will be along very sonn.

I was in denial, like you for a long time, I'm 57 and just barely started into my transition. Try not to wait as long as I did.

I understand how you feel regarding sex - no you are not alone - I could never justify my sex and gender - one or the other was always the wrong one for me so I have remaind chaste (but not necessarily chased) for all of these many years and through 5 and 1/2 years of marriage. Nothing new there.

Afraid to tell anybody - didn't tell myself for almost 50 years! I had no idea how I'd take it and if I left me, where would I be?

we are all afraid so we come here and support each other.

Ask questions, post opinions, offer advice, make yourself at home, you are among friends, you are family now.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Emily.SoCal]

Hi, i am snow and this is my first post. I am 17 years old and will be turning 18 February 20. I Know i am young but i feel like i should have a direction for my feelings about my gender. It is a reoccurring feeling that has followed my for some time now, and i can honestly say that my feelings of even questioning my gender has had me in denial for a few years.Starting from just coming home to a empty house when my dad was at work and wearing stolen clothes i had got from my cousin. Being male, i can say has been hard in high school when you don't feel the way you see your friends and peers feel and act. being envious of girl friends and other girls around you body's wishing you were like her is not very helpful ether. I don't think im gay cause i have never really thought about men for sex.Hell i never got past kissing women intimately before feeling shame for wanting to be in her place or have body like hers. to honestly say i have never held a relationship for very long. it has always been hard to deal with these feelings and i don't feel comfortable in telling any of my family especial my father. i have always looked up to him and feel i am letting him down for feeling this way because i know he would not not approve of it. Fear has also been a big part of not coming forward form my grandmother saying thing about "you are black are always going to be hard for you" and use of the "race card" to my dad saying literally things are going to go my way or you will get out .The threats coming out and telling them something that my leave me on the streets. I seriously think i am transgendered but telling anyone doesn't seem like the best idea.

Heya Snow!

My memories of high school are not unlike yours. It sounds like we were (and are!) both torn between an attraction for women and wanting to be like them. I think a lot of the girls in these forums feel that way. Even now I can sometimes have a hard time telling whether I think a girl is attractive or I just want to borrow her outfit.. or her body. Hehe In the end, I never had a relationship in high school. It sucked at the time, but later it didn't really matter. And now I'm at peace with it because I am in touch with the woman inside me and realize I wasn't really compatible with any the people I was going to school with.

You are not alone in your feelings. You are not alone in having a huge obstacle to overcome in telling your family. I haven't and I dread the fallout it might cause. But I see girls everyday coming out to their families and friends and sometimes it goes bad and sometimes it works out, but either way they keep going and keep posting on the forums. That's one of the great parts of being here is seeing others survive -- and thrive! -- under the same circumstances. Especially when, like you and me, we're near the beginning of figuring all this out.

I'm glad you're with us. Take care and see you around the forums!

-Emily

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Hi Snow...here's another Welcome to Laura's for you and a big hug too. You are definately in some of the toughest years of your life, old enough to know what you want and need too young to spread your wings...and your faced with difficulty from several directions, what to do? First don't lose your resolve nor your direction...winners never quit and quitters never win, trite but true Prepare yourself to become self-sufficent...nothing makes a parent more proud than THAT...their baby on their own and thriving. Are you thinking of further schooling or going to go into the work force after high school? At 17 that isn't too far away so you need to start planning ahead a bit, gather up your skills and keep your attitude positive. You have a long and wonderful life ahead that you are in soul control of. Stick around Snow...your with friends here...I'm one more new friend, Kelly Ann

[Guest Donna Jean]

Good Morning,, Snow...

It's nice to have you here with us...Please get comfortable and enjoy the treats that Sally has offered. I think you've gotten some excellent advice so far and everyone is here to try to help. There's no warmer place to be than around friends....

Welcome, Hon...

XXOO

Dopnna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

SNOW

Hello dear - your story - oh my - like so many of us! We are that transgender person in our own mind and it haunts us because we feel so all alone with that knowledge. That just ended for you. You are amoung those like you!

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

We are glad you found us and we are glad we found you, so come on in and look arond.

We are all sorts here - all ages - all genders -all nationalities. You will really have a safe place to talk and express yourself - FINALLY.

So post some more - add commens to other postngs - and don't forget the chat room. Laura's loves the younger people and we monitor EVERYTHING to keep us all safe. We are not judgmental and we are rather G-rated (Laura says PG-13 = ha). AND - this is VERY IMPORTANT- if you get down, if the world turns dark around you - you MUST log on and come here. We will talk with you at anytime. Heck, you may end up talking to us to make us feel better.

We try our best to help each other - and you can be part of that - darn, you already are aren't you - already posted! YEAAAAAAAAAA

Lizzy

[Guest Lost]

Thank you All for comfort and support

You word are the Best to hear to start the day

Thanks

Snow

[Sally]

Well, Snow,

I told you that some really nice people would come along and they did, didn't they?

Wait a while - there are a lot more on their way, we come and so all day and night around here!

Glad to have you here.

If you ever need more snacks or a hug, just log in and tell us what you need, we'll supply it!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Magan]

Welcome to the forums Snow

*hugs*

[Guest Ashlee]

Welcome Snow!

Make yourself at home here, your among kind, gentle friends

Ashlee

[Guest Irielle]

Hi Snow, let me be another one to welcome you to the Playground. You will have many new friends here and they have been where you are now. You are not alone.

You can feel free to ask anything around here – it’s great!

Irielle

[Guest Zabrak]

Welcome to Laura's Playground, Lost.

[Guest Felicia Anne]

hi snow... wow, what a great name!

welcome to the forums! please make yourself at home here. there's a lot of people here who will support you and remind you that you are special and perfect just for being you! enjoy yourself...

[Guest JoanDS]

Hey, Snow!

(I agree that's a great name).

I'm sure your Dad wants the best for you, but dads have a way of not showing it in a way girls like us can easily accept.

My parents were forever baffled by my sensitivity (I will cry at the drop of a hat) and they said things I always thought were very mean. I learned later that they thought they were "toughening me up" because "it's a hard world out there".

I have found that they way to get parents to be cool is to show them you can take care of yourself. They are always worried you will not be able to take on the world without them, and that makes them stress out, and then they take that stress out on you, because they feel you're the cause. They also feel insecure about their ability to raise you to be happy and self-sufficient- if they think you're not doing well, they blame themselves, and most people don't handle that kind of emotion well. They really just want you to be able to take care of yourself so they can stop worrying and move onto the more equal part of the parent/child relationship where they get to enjoy the person you've become.

I had a major win a while ago when my mother was sick and I made her homemade chicken soup and pomegranate jell-o and brought it over. Then she saw that not only could I take care of myself (which should have been apparent a LONG time ago) but that I could take care of her too.

I know it's really tough at the age you're at. {{HUG}} But I figured some perspective on the issue couldn't hurt.

I would bet that if you become a happy and successful person who doesn't need to still be asking dad for lunch money when you're 30, then he will be happy no matter what else you are. But getting there will be tough. In the meantime, remember to love and take care of yourself

-Joan

--<--<@

[Guest rosey]

welcome

it takes long time to come terms

wait to ur college if u know parents are going to give u boat

im teen like ya i havent come out but want 2 i know how it feels huggers

rosey

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hello Snow,

Sounds like you are going through some of the things a lot of people here have gone through in their lives. The one bonus that you have going for you right now is that you intro'd yourself here to us. That would be the first and more important steps becuase you will win automatic support when you do.

No conditions, or judgements. Just loving support and friendship. When the rest of the world is weighing heavily on your shoulders so much, that it brings you to your knees, then guaranteed when you walk in the door here, you will have someone there to relieve your load, and help you get back to your feet.

The second thing that is really important to you, is that you are in a position to realize what is going on in your life to make a differnce early. When you get yourself straightened out (at your own pace!), then you know at least that you are well on your way.

There is nothing but friendship, kindness, love and support no matter what situation you may be facing, with the diversity of people that are here, there is going to be at least one person that can say, "Been there done that!". You are now in an environment that has experience in the real world to help you out.

We are all here for each other, and now you too, Ok?

Talk all you want and let everyone know how you are feeling. Sound good?

Luv

Amanda LR

[Guest Evan_J]

Oh yeah, you also might want to comment and post on a thread or two a) so we can get to know you and so that nosey, over active moderators like me can drop messages in your mailbox lol. Seriously though you might want to contact a mod or something and you won't have messaging ability till you've posted a little. In the mean time, please do start a thread if you need to contact someone regarding a problem.

[Guest Kigva]

Oh yeah, you also might want to comment and post on a thread or two a) so we can get to know you and so that nosey, over active moderators like me can drop messages in your mailbox lol. Seriously though you might want to contact a mod or something and you won't have messaging ability till you've posted a little. In the mean time, please do start a thread if you need to contact someone regarding a problem.

Welcome Snow! it is a credit to you that you are dealing with these feelings now in your teens. I doubt that i'm the only one who repressed mine for decades. I am new and wish I had been able to accept myself at a younger age. You should be proud, I envy you. I'm sure you will do fine.

[Guest Little Sara]

Welcome to the forums Snow.

And about the school thing, I guess I can empathize too. I've had it happening too, though I was asexual back then, I was mostly romantically attracted to men post-transition (as opposed to no one before), and with a small libido, thanks to HRT. I've been in this position of wanting to be her and mistaking it for wanting to be *with* her. Safe to say, it didn't work out.

I had a fairly androgynous body pre-transition though, so I only had breasts to envy them. Well, that and their recognition as female.

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

happy birthday

glad you found us

i can relate to most of what you said

remember you're not alone

and you don't have to come out to anyone until YOU are ready

hope you post lots