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Coming out to everyone: the beginning


Guest Zayden

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Guest Zayden

Hello,

Matthew here. I just wanted to share some good news! I was bursting with excitement when I got home today.

Well, I guess, I have lots of good news.

I have come out to some of my closest friends that I only have online correspondence with. To be specific, only two of my friends. Both were very accepting. We talked about my body and one commented to be the effect of "Some day you'll make a handsome man." I was so pleased by this, because at least it means he accepts it.

I then came out to one of my friends who I had suspected of being FtM as well. It turns out he is, just pre-transition as he's not sure how his family will react. But it was one of those "Me too, high five!" moments which was honestly one of the coolest things that's ever happened.

And the final piece of good news from me is that today was orientation at my new job and we were going over benefits and the HR lady explained how there were specific benefits for transgendered employees that would assist with HRT/etc. I have to check the specifics but I'm going to wait.

And on a side note, I am planning on coming out to my parents in August during Pride Week or sometime around then. They probably have some idea already, but it will be nice to be up front with them.

Matthew

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Guest Carla_Davis

Hello,

Matthew here. I just wanted to share some good news! I was bursting with excitement when I got home today.

Well, I guess, I have lots of good news.

I have come out to some of my closest friends that I only have online correspondence with. To be specific, only two of my friends. Both were very accepting. We talked about my body and one commented to be the effect of "Some day you'll make a handsome man." I was so pleased by this, because at least it means he accepts it.

I then came out to one of my friends who I had suspected of being FtM as well. It turns out he is, just pre-transition as he's not sure how his family will react. But it was one of those "Me too, high five!" moments which was honestly one of the coolest things that's ever happened.

And the final piece of good news from me is that today was orientation at my new job and we were going over benefits and the HR lady explained how there were specific benefits for transgendered employees that would assist with HRT/etc. I have to check the specifics but I'm going to wait.

And on a side note, I am planning on coming out to my parents in August during Pride Week or sometime around then. They probably have some idea already, but it will be nice to be up front with them.

Matthew

Hello,

Matthew here. I just wanted to share some good news! I was bursting with excitement when I got home today.

Well, I guess, I have lots of good news.

I have come out to some of my closest friends that I only have online correspondence with. To be specific, only two of my friends. Both were very accepting. We talked about my body and one commented to be the effect of "Some day you'll make a handsome man." I was so pleased by this, because at least it means he accepts it.

I then came out to one of my friends who I had suspected of being FtM as well. It turns out he is, just pre-transition as he's not sure how his family will react. But it was one of those "Me too, high five!" moments which was honestly one of the coolest things that's ever happened.

And the final piece of good news from me is that today was orientation at my new job and we were going over benefits and the HR lady explained how there were specific benefits for transgendered employees that would assist with HRT/etc. I have to check the specifics but I'm going to wait.

And on a side note, I am planning on coming out to my parents in August during Pride Week or sometime around then. They probably have some idea already, but it will be nice to be up front with them.

Matthew

Hi Matthew,

Congratulations for the GOOD NEWS.

I am VERY GLAD that your friends accept you.

I am also VERY HAPPY that your employer is so SUPPORTIVE of you. :)

I also wish you the VERY BEST when you Come-Out to your parents.

From my OWN experiences, I lived MUCH HAPPIER after Coming-Out and NOT having to hide my TRUE SELF. :)

Carla

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Guest Amber Lynn

Congrats Matthew, that's fantastic news! And even knowing another FTM all this time, that's great.

I'm very happy for you, and I also wish you the best of luck when you decide to tell your parents. :)

Gina

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Guest Zayden

Thank you. :)

Today after reconsidering everything (including the idea of transitioning), I decided the time was right to speak to my two best friends. I came out to them. They hugged me and said that they'd love me no matter what, and were really supportive. My male friend commented that he could see that being me as I've never been particularly feminine except on a few occasions when I felt it was necessary.

I have decided to halt transitioning at wearing men's clothing and such at work until the time in which I am able to recover fully from my mental illness, or at least become more stable than I am. I have been wavering between mania and suicidal lately so I want to make sure that I am better. However the small changes I have made mean that I am already feeling better about myself. :)

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Guest Kaylee234

Kudos to you for taking another important step, and to your friends for being understanding and accepting.

It is wise of you to decide to deal with your other issues first. Transition can be quite stressful all by itself; additional issues increase the stress exponentially.

You'll do just fine. Are you already seeing a therapist?

~ Kay

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Guest Zayden

Kudos to you for taking another important step, and to your friends for being understanding and accepting.

It is wise of you to decide to deal with your other issues first. Transition can be quite stressful all by itself; additional issues increase the stress exponentially.

You'll do just fine. Are you already seeing a therapist?

~ Kay

Yes, I do have a psychiatrist who handles everything although last time we were talking I think he said he wanted to give me a referral to an actual therapist, just a long waiting list for that.

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I'm happy to hear that your friends are so accepting Matthew! :welldone:

I also understand the frustration of the New Brunswick "hurry up and wait" game.

I went in to my GP for a second referral after my first one could not tell me when I would actually be consulted.

You can always PM me if you want more details.

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

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Guest Zayden

I'm happy to hear that your friends are so accepting Matthew! :welldone:

I also understand the frustration of the New Brunswick "hurry up and wait" game.

I went in to my GP for a second referral after my first one could not tell me when I would actually be consulted.

You can always PM me if you want more details.

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

Oh, I didn't even realize you were from NB too. Yeah, that definitely is how it is but the good news is that my psychiatrist has an opening for the 23rd so I will be going then. And my book on DBT shipped! So I`m looking forward to things.

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Guest Zayden

Today I came out to my parents. Mum seemed very supportive. Dad I'm not sure how he's taking it but so far so good. :)

They were the last on my list to come out to for now.

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Guest LizMarie

Congratulations! Whether or not to come out is always a hard choice, as well as when and how to explain it. I'm happy for you that your coming out seems to have worked out for the best.

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Guest Zayden

Way to go Matthew! :welldone:

Another step forward on your journey and many more successful ones to come.

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

Thank you Joann.

Mum (well, my stepmother) said that since I told them that I considered myself gender queer and somewhere leaning towards the masculine side of things that she was expecting this to happen, that one day I'd probably make the decision as to how I felt I fit.

But it was really very cool. She and I got to talking about things and I was talking about the "ifs and whens" when it comes to coming out to my grandparents and she made the joke, "Well, turns out they're going to have two gay grandsons!" And that was when I knew I was accepted.

On a side note my workbook came in the mail. A 10 week course on DBT skills to manage my mental disorder more effectively. So in about three months I'll be ready to look at the options of continuing to transition with any luck!

Matt

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Guest WFane

Good for you on this big step! I'm still terrified of coming out to my father... I'm pretty sure my mom is just waiting for me to come out to her lol.

It's great that your company supports your transition and chooses an insurance carrier that will accommodate. If you don't mind me asking, which insurance company is it?

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Guest Zayden

Good for you on this big step! I'm still terrified of coming out to my father... I'm pretty sure my mom is just waiting for me to come out to her lol.

It's great that your company supports your transition and chooses an insurance carrier that will accommodate. If you don't mind me asking, which insurance company is it?

I believe it's ManuLife. I am not out at work but the possibility of being able to be is very likely now.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Zayden

The next step of the journey...

Last night I tested the waters with a friend from work and when all seemed clear I came out to her. I'd been wanting to for a bit but didn't quite know how to, so I brought up the topic of the Pride Parade, then chatting about how I'd had a MtF partner and she was talking about a close friend that she had who was MtF - and it just seemed like the right moment. I was well-received and we chatted about coming out at work, she's going to help pave the way when it comes to that.

Yay for having Trans Allies at work!

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  • 3 months later...

So back in July I talked about HRT and coming out in this thread.

I wanted to come back and write a bit more about my journey as it's been an interesting one for sure.

Since then I have come out to most of my guild in WoW but am not currently telling them to refer to me as anything different because my voice sounds the exact same. It's funny how I was so nervous, and we were chatting about how I'd come out to my mother and she said that it was normal, and my friend said "Well yeah it's normal, nothing to be ashamed of." I play video games with some amazing, accepting people. I think I'd probably quit if I didn't have them.

I am considering coming out at work in the New Year. I will be coming out to the rest of my family and requesting that I be called my name. I will still go by my legal name on documentation but I intend on changing my name legally next year.

I'm getting my hair cut in two weeks. I am sort of taking baby steps. First step was switching up my wardrobe and starting to wear a binder (I actually need to get a different kind of binder... I've found the one I have to be far too uncomfortable to wear long term, but I wear it anyway... unless someone can give me a tip about avoiding it rolling up) and then I wanted to move on to cutting hair and finding a therapist for HRT. Finding a therapist has been unsuccessful but I've realized that I need to continue transition with our without HRT at this time.

I am going to save up $10,000 in the next two years to go towards my surgery (removal of breasts). I suspect it won't cost as much as that but I know I will likely be off work for some time as well and I will likely have to fly out west to have it done. Through work I do have benefits but I am unsure as to whether or not it will cover that. If it does, I may be able to have the surgery done next year.

2014 is going to be a year of great change. In 2013 I tried to end my life twice, but I'm still here and I need to live my life the way I'm meant to.

And even though I have very little in my chosen name, it still feels great when my best friends call me "Matt".

Cheers,

Matt

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