My Life

[Guest Laura1977]

So you would like to get to know me? I am 31 years old, I am married to an amazing woman who is very supportive, and I have two wonderful daughters, aged 6 and almost 9. I started crossdressing on New Years Eve, but I have had the urge to for much longer. I think I was around 4 or 5 the first time I tucked "it" away and pretended to be a girl. At first my parents thought it was cute, but I did it so much that they finally got uncomfortable and made me stop.

Now, I am trying to make sense of all these repressed feelings and still maintain my day-to-day life as normal, playing all the roles that are expected: father, husband, etc. At the same time, I am trying to discover who I REALLY am. My wife has been very supportive so far, but she's scared, too, and that makes it kind of hard sometimes, when she doesn't know how to react and I interpret it wrong.

On top of it all, I am working full time at a manufacturing type job and taking online classes for a bachelors degree in paralegal studies. Hopefully having a better career will help make life easier.

A little about me personally:

I have always been a little shy and repressed, but I am starting to come out bit by bit, thanks to my wife's support.

Politically, I lean to the left, but I vote Democratic.

Religiously, I land somewhere between Pagan and Taoist with some Buddhist and Toltec leanings

Ethnically, I am European, mainly Scottish, Irish, Welsh, Dutch, and German.

I have a crazy ex-wife who doesn't accept me as I am.

I have full custody of my daughters, and try to be as involved in their lives as possible.

I listen to all kinds of music, but mostly classic rock and metal. I also love David Bowie and Prince.

I read insatiably.

I used to write poetry a lot, but don't have the time it takes to get inspired anymore.

I am bisexual by orientation, though not in practice.

My wife and I are also polyamorous by orientation, but not in practice.

My female persona is also named Laura, after Laura Ingalls Wilder, from the Little House books. I admired her and pretended to be her as a child.

[Guest Zabrak]

Hi, Laura, welcome to Laura Playground! It's nice to see a person with a supportive wife.

If you feel confused about things theres lots of information around and nice people to talk to; Try stopping by in the Crossdressers forum.

[Sally]

Hello,

It looks like time for the official welcome complete with refreshments - I notice that Donna Jean is here and will no doubt have the hot cocoa ready, I have just pulled a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and they are just cool enough to eat.

The food is virtual, but the people here really care, you have joined a wonderful family that is very caring and supportive.

Look around all of the forums, ask questions, offer advice, state opinions, you are among friends - you are part of the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Laura!

Welcome to the Playground!

What a detailed intro that was..so now we know all about you!

The fire is nice today, so you may sit over here.....Nice cup of coco for you and maybe a couple of cookies?

I think you'll really like it here..so many loving, caring , understanding people and we all do our best to keep it safe and secure so you can open up without fear ...

AHhhhh an understanding spouse.....Oh, Hon...we do have some of those around here...It's really wonderful to be so blessed like that!

So, why don't you kick off your shoes and get comfortable and we'll wait for some of the others to slip in here and say "Hi"....

XXOO

Donna Jean

[MaryEllen]

Hello Laura1977,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Come on in and make yourself at home.

MaryEllen

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hi Laura,

I am pleased to meet you, it is nice you joined to bring us some of the wonderful gifts you have to offer the world, and share them with us. You sound like a kind soul, and I am glad that you have the blessing of a supporting spouse, I think that helps alot.

It is intersting how you came about your name, I have watched the Little house on the Prairie re runs here recently, and as I watched Laura growing, she turned into quite a beautiful young woman. I suspect you are no different!

Take a load off and let's talk, it's all good, looking forward to talking more,

Luv

Amanda LR

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You snuck in on me! I wasn't on line yesterday except for a few minutes.

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME - I see good people have already greeted you!

Just a few comments [something wrong with Lizzy - just a 'few?"]

You wrote:

Now, I am trying to make sense of all these repressed feelings and still maintain my day-to-day life as normal, playing all the roles that are expected: father, husband, etc. At the same time, I am trying to discover who I REALLY am. My wife has been very supportive so far, but she's scared, too, and that makes it kind of hard sometimes, when she doesn't know how to react and I interpret it wrong.

Wow - that says whole lot. We are all ages and types here at Laura's. I am a married MTF TS in transition - not so unusual except I am seriously senior. I see you are married and have children in the house. I suggest you may want to get an idea of who you might be as soon as you can - there is a lot at stake with your family. Of course your wife is scared - and she needs to follow where you go - and almost everyone here will recommend you find a gender dysphoria specialist, a therapist.

They are not what you might think - you go see him/her and explain your life history and your feelings (being brutally honest.) This person will usually tell you what you seem to be, explain options on how to stay happy and complete in your life, and help you as you pursue any options that may be right for you. I was always of the opinion I was a cross dresser, but there seemed to be so much more involved. My therapist helped me know and accept what I am.

'Repressed feelings" says it all in your posting. It is so liberating to get all that out.

Just my opinion. grin

In any case - please look around -post some comments, ask some questions. We value your opinions. Yeaaaaa

Lizzy

[Guest Emily.SoCal]

Heya, Laura!

Welcome to the playground. I see we have a lot in common -- being 31 and music tastes (*love* Bowie) to name a few. And like you (and so many of us here) I am at the beginning of this path, unearthing repressed feelings. It's a hard process balancing this with the life you've led on the outside up until now, but just know that you're not alone. Especially not now.

I think you'll find everyone here has a lot in common and it goes beyond our similarities in gender, sexuality, what we like to wear, and how we like behave. I'm really glad you found us!

It was nice to meet you! Take care and see you around the forums!

-Emily

[Guest Laura1977]

Thank you everyone for your kind posts. You have made me feel so much at home. Thank you, Sally for the cookie, and thanks Donna Jean for the Coco. I have warmed up nicely. In fact, I daresay I am starting to glow (like the star in the movie Stardust). Emily, I'm glad I found you too. The world seems a less lonely place now.

Lizzy, thanks for the advice. I think I will try to look up a therapist. One for me and one for the wife. Or maybe we should share one, just not have our appointments together. I see your point, though; and it would be good to have someone to talk to. One of the hardest things about this is that I want to tell somebody about this, about how I feel pretty when I'm dressed up, and how good it feels, but I can't really talk to my friends at work. They wouldn't understand. And I certainly can't talk to my father about it. That leaves me feeling a bit lonely. Thankfully, I have Laura's Playground now, but as friendly and positive as you all are (which is one thing I absolutely LOVE about this site), it's not the same as having a flesh-and-blood friend to talk to.

Anyway, I was beginning to ramble a bit. Once again, thank you for the warm welcome. I feel right at home.

Incidentally, I did have one question, and I tried to email it, but got the failure notice. My wife tried to join Laura's Playground the other night, because I told her all about you guys, and the site wouldn't let her; it said something about being from the same IP address as mine. We do share the same router, though not the same computer. I was wondering if we would be able to get her an account of her own? Let me know, please.

[Guest Evan_J]

Hola!

Glad you seem to have gotten acquainted. Welcome. You're very right too; it is good to have flesh and blood supports too if you can get em/find em. Theres a lot too this and no amount of support is too much. It definately means a lot to have realtime support share the joy and relief we feel when we become clear and are at peace with what we've decided. Very often thats difficult to express when the S.O is feeling losses and pangs at the transition. The transitioning person still needs an avenue to be allowed to feel the relief and even the joy.

I'm always rooting for couples to choose to make it together. So know that there is someone doing a cheer and a happy dance that your wife is still in this all with you. About that wife's membership/ip situation, you might want to send a pm to Petra Jane explaining it once your messaging abilities are active (Thats after 5 posts) Again, welcome and I hope you find the help here you need.

[Guest Ashlee]

Welcome Laura!

Its so great that your wife is supportive of you. I wish you the both the best in your endeavor to find your true self.

Do find a good therapist. I had thought that bringing my "problems" out to a complete stranger would be the toughest thing in the world to do. And, it was pretty tough, but after going in and just saying, "I am a crossdresser," nothing else really mattered. Then, opening up and letting it all out was really pretty easy. You all ready said you "want" to tell someone, well this would be the person to tell!

(It really does feel good and makes you feel pretty when your dressed up - doesn't it!)

Hugs,

Ashlee

[Guest Magan]

Welcome to the forums Laura!

As you can already tell we are all very supportive here. Glad to hear you have a supportive SO at home as well.

[Guest Little Sara]

Welcome to the forums Laura.

I can definitely recommend the cookies, they melt in your mouth, they're so good, and 0 calories too.

It's nice to hear you have your wife's support and your daughters can live with you without problems (related to the ex-wife that is).

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

welcome!

glad you have a supportive spouse!

great to meet you