A Girl At School Keeps Giving Me Trouble And I Don't Know What To Do.

[Guest Lily R]

To be honest my life is going pretty great, I'm out to my entire school and pretty much anyone who comes along finds out someway or another and on the most i pretty much get no trouble, before i came out i earned quite a bit of respect at school so nothing really has changed since I came out and the teachers are really supportive and to say my school is Catholic and the negative things i've heard about them in the past school life is great just family life which is the main issue.

Anyway though at school, eversince i came out only one girl has been giving trouble saying i'm just saying i'm transsexual for attention cos she says i'm not girly enough and saying i can only be transsexual if i fit into the stereotypes basically and it really insults me, i'm a very girly person inside, just i'm sowly trying to shed the tough act i've always put up, oh yeah and cos i fancy girls and have a fiancee she reckons that means i'm not transsexual too, all that does is makes me a lesbian.

What can i do?

[Guest Little Sara]

Well firstly, being MtF isn't about being girly. It's about having the subconscious sex of a female, and the rest of the body (genitals, secondary sex characteristics) male. It's not about gender roles. And ask her if liking girls makes a girl "not a girl" or is that reserved only for transsexual girls?

Like she knows more about being transsexual than you do...tell her to get a life. She probably has more important things to worry than someone else's self-concept and presentation.

[Guest]

Most MTF Transsexuals go through stages where they supress their true selves for self protection. Instead it's replaced by a fake male persona and the female side remains undeveloped. Transition allows the true self to develop and grow. I was considered girly in my early years but after many daily beatings and name calling episodes I learned to act like someone I wasn't, male. The beatings and names stopped. Did I really change? No! I just surpressed the girl inside. This causes severe trauma as well as suicides.

When transition starts many find their natural selves and with that freedom we develop as we would have if we weren't supressed in the first place. You won't have to force yourself to be girly now that your free it will develop naturally. It may take a short time. When you hide in a cave all your life when you come out into the light it can be blinding at first before the eyes adjust. Then things go back to normal. The best advice i can give is be true to yourself not a stereotype. There are a lot here that are lesbians. Sometimes that changes later and sometimes it doesn't. Transition is the perfect time to become the person you want to be. Don't become the person someone else wants you to be. Be what comes naturally to you.

Laura

[Guest Zabrak]

Not all females are girly and not all of them like men. Just take a look around and you'll see many girls who don't fit that label.

Only you know how you feel and people telling you you're wrong changes nothing but makes them ignorant. You don't need to prove yourself to her.

[Guest Selene Lavelle]

Hi Lily! Okay, I can so relate all too well. I'm in High School and as we both know, kids can be VERY mean spirited. Well, as for what you can do about this girl. Yes, you could just completely ignore her, and that's what a lot of people would tell you to do.

However, (and this might sound weird), try to talk to this person. Explain to her why you cannot be girly (as she puts it). Explain to her that she is extremely privileged to have the opportunity to BE girly. We can't be girly because it comes with a cost, mainly abuse. Explain to her that you've not exactly found your female style yet (this is my case lol).

At school I wear tight pants, fuggs (or tie up boots or skate shoes depending on the weather), and stuff like that as well as a band shirt. That's not girly (espically the tight pants, vans, studded belt and skate shoes thing), almost makes me look like a scene kid.

Maybe ask to go hang out and her house so she can see the female side of you (well, after you talk to her a little bit longer of course.).

The worst thing that we can do is leave people ignorant. Us transpeople have a lot of knowledge and wisdom, and I think we should share it. But you could also ignore her too (that's always an option and many people say it is, but I find that extremely hard to do).

[Guest AniStacy]

Well people do this kind of banter for many different reasons.

Its mainly caused by insecurity in one's self.

So really, she could actually be worried about something similar to your situation, and since she is insecure about it she demeans that aspect of your character. Not you as a whole though. If this is the case it will be evident in how she overcompensates her character when around you.

She'll be like over the top!

Lack of understanding can be a factor. To make themselves comfortable often people poke fun or ridicule what they don't understand.

She could be jelous Maybe she can see your inner-person and its better than her. So she tries to trash it before it becomes real

She could also just be a cow

In anycase, ask "why" she is saying what she is.

Once you ask, you've opened awesome lines of communication and you can find out exactly why she is doing this.

Hopefully you can reach an agreement or compromise

The ideal is to get her to accept you "be on your side" as it were. Tolerance is good too though

"What greater weapon is there then to turn the enemy against themselves, use their knowledge to eliminate them." - Kreia

Bit of a dark quote but it makes a point

<3 Lots love

Stacey

[Guest Kelly Ann]

I am flabbergasted and inspired on a daily basis by the brightness shown by you youngsters It's bee a while for both of you since I last saw either of you post Stacy and Selene...as usual...your t's are crossed and the i's dotted. Lily between Laura's wisdom and your peers comment, Little Sara makes a seriously good point...you really should always stay true to how you feel and don't let yourself be bullied either...you sound like a very intelligent young lady. Just remember to smile as it really confuses angry people, Kelly Ann

[Guest Evan_J]

First, the main thing is you don't owe her anything -especially not the effort of replying to anything she says.

Laura herself beautifully broke down what happens in fact to a lot of trans people. Thats information that anyone intelligent an willing can process. Since theres no guarantee she's either then lets consider "alternate options". AniStacy rocks in her assessments, espcially the possible facts that she's overcompensating because of some issue or other she has with herself. That and just plain ole possible cowism

If you have to have something to say back I like the facts brought up by Zabrack; thank her for letting you know that she and all of the girls there are dutiful examples of female housewives and babymakers and that lesbianism has been eliminated from the world so that there will never be another woman who digs women -that statement delivered wtih a smile should handle the cowism.

[Guest CharliTo]

Most MTF Transsexuals go through stages where they supress their true selves for self protection. Instead it's replaced by a fake male persona and the female side remains undeveloped. Transition allows the true self to develop and grow. I was considered girly in my early years but after many daily beatings and name calling episodes I learned to act like someone I wasn't, male. The beatings and names stopped. Did I really change? No! I just surpressed the girl inside. This causes severe trauma as well as suicides.

When transition starts many find their natural selves and with that freedom we develop as we would have if we weren't supressed in the first place. You won't have to force yourself to be girly now that your free it will develop naturally. It may take a short time. When you hide in a cave all your life when you come out into the light it can be blinding at first before the eyes adjust. Then things go back to normal. The best advice i can give is be true to yourself not a stereotype. There are a lot here that are lesbians. Sometimes that changes later and sometimes it doesn't. Transition is the perfect time to become the person you want to be. Don't become the person someone else wants you to be. Be what comes naturally to you.

Laura

I second that Laura.... and sorry to hear you went through it too.

Yeah, it really depends on the person. Like for me, it's been over a year, but I'm still afraid...my earlier years and the beatings I used to get still haunts me. Still yet, I'm not letting social expectations dictate who I am... and that's the important thing.

But yeah, she might just be a cow......ard...

[Guest Evan_J]

cow......ard

bingo