Do I pass?

[Guest Amber90]

Heya everyone,

I've been posting about on different forums on this site over the past few days, mainly in regards to this weekend. You see, I'm going to be going out and about amongst the mainstream public for the first time since last September.

The last time I went out was in the middle of the bullring shopping center in the bullring. I was absolutely terrifying and can't remember anything about that day. After the extreme difficulties which the day brought to me, I decided to stick to trans friendly events from then on. I would often run from the car to the club door or just get dressed there; just so that I avoided any potential slurs on the way (all these clubs seem to be slap bang in the middle of a terrifying neighbourhood, or is that just my psychology making everything look hostile?).

But I became very depressed in these clubs. I felt locked off from society and I wanted more from this side of my life. So seeing as it's my birthday tomorrow, I decided to take up my friends offer to spend a weekend with her and her friends in manchester. There is a trans pride event going down there, however to get to those events, I have to take numerous bus routes and walk through a series of neigbourhoods. I'm sick to the stomach with fear about this, and I've invisioned all sorts of potential dissasters that may occure during my journey to this event (such as people giggling as they pass, kids at the bus stop hurling abuse at me and even people threatening to attack me).

So the question I ask is, do I pass? I know that this shouldn't be about passing, and that we all have to build our confidence up regardless of how well we slip under the radar of mainstream society, but I just want to know whether I have a chance or not. Everyone I've ever met says I look great, but they are either friends or admirers. Friends are obviously saying it to help me feel better (they said I looked great back in the early days, and I know this was not the case) whilst admirers obviously have a sexual attraction toward transgender individuals; so their perception of looking great might just be down to the fact that I am a boy presenting as a girl (I might be wrong there, and I do not want to offend any admirers out there).

But what do you lovely people here think? Do I look ok as a girl? Or will people pretty much clock on to me the moment I step out the house on Friday evening? I'm scared to death either way, but I just feel that this is a question I would like to get an answer to. I've attached an image of me below. This will be slightly similar to what I'm wearing out on Friday (except I will have a white version of this top on and no highlight in my hair. Oh, and I'll also be wearing some denim shorts too).

Thanks for reading,

Much love,

Amber

xxx

[Guest Sarah Faith]

From that picture, I don't really see why you would have any issues with passing based on appearance.. anxiety can make us obsess or see things that really aren't there hon. I used to suffer from really bad anxiety and social anxiety my self, and eventually you just have to get passed it and know that your mind is making things appear worse then they actually are. Really you look good, I think you'll do great.

Hugs,

Sarah

[VickySGV]

Ok, you will be looked at maybe once or twice by some people, but NOT because the see a man in a dress. Guys like to look at girls, get used to it. I would count you as the notch above passing, which is acceptable as a young woman. The main purpose of neon hair extensions (or highlights) is to get attention. You can't see it but others will, and they will be cued even more to normal young woman. Enjoy.

[Guest Amber90]

The highlights I'm not wearing out in public, as I don't like them. My hair will be plain brown. Same lenght, just wavy and not as styled as this.

I guess I'm paranoid about peope laughing and mocking me. I feel as though I stick out like a sore thumb when I go out. That everyone will immediately notice me as trans. I know that sounds terrible, as though I'm ashamed, but I have always been paranoid about people wanting to harm me. I just fear that the whole dressed as a girl thing will increase the possibility of someone bringing harm to me.

I understand people look at girls. I don't mind people looking at me (not that I enjoy attention), I just worry that people will look and go "hah, look at that!" I've been mocked before, but that was back in the early days where I had short hair and incredibly high heels which made me look like a 10 foot donkey attempting to balance on a tight rope. I've not really gone out since I started working on my look.

Still, scared to death, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

x

[Guest nomnomnom]

You look great. I'd think you're a cis girl going clubbing.

now, I'm not sure if it's just the angle of the photo, but the only suggestion I might be able to make is to wear something that accentuates your waist to hip ratio?

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Hi Amber,

Judging from the picture, no one will take a second look at you because they think you are a male, they will take a second, third, and fourth look you because you are a gorgeous female. Btw, the statement "Still, scared to death, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that" is not true, unless you want to believe it is true. More than most humans care to admit we create our own reality and it begins inside the grey matter between our ears. The fear that you hold inside you shapes the world that sees you; if you want that to change you need to change how you see you.

Sophia

[Charlize]

I don't think you will have any problems. Relax and enjoy. Unless you want to be seen try to just blend into the general female population. Short skirts and tight clothes always get more attention. They are meant to. You look great.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Jenn348]

In that picture, you look great. Based on it, I'd say go for it.

If you're worried, send something from a less flattering angle for us to look at, that way we can tell you that you look fine still and you'll be more confident.

[Guest miss kindheart]

You look just like the pretty girl you are

<<< hug >>>

vanna

[Guest April63]

Hi Amber,

Happy birthday! I have to gree with the others, and I think you certainly pass well.

It's a normal thing to be afraid of both the unknown and rejection, and it's also something that we will all face. The solution is to take a leap of faith and see where life takes you. I'm sure you won't have any trouble. Just relax, be yourself, and be confident!

April

[Guest Amber90]

Thanks people. Everything turned out to be fine. I got sired once or twice, but no one was nasty and I had a lovely time. Met some rather marvellous new people too. I think I need to go out dressed more often. Even only after the past few days, I have started to realise how much I enjoy going out as a girl. I felt so comfortable and in place. Eventually I just stopped thinking about it all and got on its my weekend.

Sadly it's ack to reality now, but things went well, and my confidence feels as though it is building somewhat =)

Amber

xx

[Guest LizMarie]

Be confident in who you are. Own it! That alone will help a lot.

[Guest Dillinger]

I think you look beautiful. You shouldn't have any problems passing. You have very soft features which is good.

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi you are very pretty, you will have no trouble passing!

Love Kim

[Guest SJH]

Yes you do pass, wishing you a nice outing

[Guest DianeATL]

You look fantastic - the more you go out the more confident you will become and enjoy it more. If you get gawked at it is because they are taken with your beauty.

[Guest Lsun89]

I think you're semi-passable. You'll be more passable once you start on hormones and perfect your look.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Amber,

You should pass with no problems.

As was said earlier, people may admire you 2 or 3 times because you are so pretty.

You may also be interested in the below link about "Passing"

http://www.transsexual.org/passing.html

and

How to walk with lots of confidence http://www.wikihow.com/Walk-With-Lots-of-Confidence

The more you go out, the easier it becomes.

Be Confidant. Nervousness will give you away.

Also, don't be afraid to use the female restrooms.

You are Female.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

I think you pass very well.
I can understand why you would be nervous. That's something that most transgender people have to deal with, especially early in transition. MtF's have it a little tougher for the fact that society right now generally is not cool with men wearing dresses. Whereas if I don't pass it sucks but people don't care if I wear men's clothes.

I've found that attitude is a large part of it, and believe me I know that's not easy. The place I've pulled this off best is in men's bathrooms. You just kind of have to look like you know you belong in there. I walk in, use the bathroom, wash your hands, leave. I just try and act natural. If you look like you're nervous and not sure you should be there, you might give yourself away when otherwise you would have been fine.

Mind you, this is the FtM perspective we're talking about. Dudes don't pay attention in the bathroom. And I have not perfected using that confidence outside the bathrooms myself.