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First day out


Guest kyliej

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Guest kyliej

One thing I struggle with is, how can I possibly be out and about if I don't feel passable; but the dilemma is that how can I start transitioning and working on be passable until I'm really sure this what I need to do? I realized to get over my fears, I'd need to not worry about passing just yet and find some places to be where that would be fine.

So yesterday, I decided to do a small test by going fully dressed to my GT's since I'd mostly be in my car and then her office. Seemed safe enough, and I wouldn't have to worry about passing there! After my session I felt emboldened enough to go to a wig store that I heard was trans friendly. Walking in there was still a huge leap, but they were just the best and totally helped me try a bunch of different things until I settled on something. They didn't bat an eye. I then met a friend for lunch at her place and she took some photos of me. I wasn't reallly planning on being more out and about, but my car ran low on gas, so I had to just suck it up and be me out in the open at the gas station.
Since that wasn't so bad, later in the day I asked a friend to meet me for drinks at a local gay bar which I figured would be safe and friendly. I took cabs there and back, and to my surprise I got maam'd both times (although surely they weren't looking too closely because I did a terrible job with concealer on my beard). Also, I haven't had the pronoun conversation with friends yet because it's so early for me in the process. But at the bar, when my friend referred to me as "he," the bartender actually corrected him and interjected "she." Small things but they still made me smile and made all of this feel more possible and real.
I was giddy all day, and I still have a bit of a rush from the whole thing. And I don't think I could have done it with out hearing all these other stories and just knowing there's a great groups of people like Laura's out there all rooting for each of us. If anyone out there is hesitating to get out there as themselves, just do it! Even if it's something small it doesn't matter! Just brainstorm a few safe & friendly places or see if you can enlist some friends. I won't deny that it was nerve-wracking at first, but I acclimated pretty quickly and started enjoying it, and it was so worth it!
Just needed to share all that! Have fun and be safe out there!
<3 Kylie
(ps for the curious, pics in my gallery; hopefully next time I'll do a better job with my concealer!)
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Guest Sarah Faith

That's awesome Kylie! :) Going out the first time is definitely very scary, but when it goes well it's probably one of the best experiences you can have in your life. I'm really happy to hear that your time out turned out sooo well, and I bet you are on cloud nine right now.

In regards to your concealer not being perfect, I've found that if your acting like you belong and that you're not out of place people don't really look too closely. When I first started going full time I still had some very obvious patches of my beard (I was between treatments of laser) and I didn't have any makeup at the time to cover it up, no one really seemed to notice.. So really just go out, be your self and be happy hon. :)

Hugs,

Sarah

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Guest Jamiexo

KYLIE Sounds like a GREAT DAY!!!! congrats!!! it feels so great going out for the first time, as for me though I had an absolute panic attack haha that was a different story! But sounds like you had an awesome day and it felt so natural for you!! I like how you kept on pushing your comfort zone further and further through out the day. That takes quite a bit of courage! Anyways CONGRATS AGAIN!! and keep it up you will be the women you are in the matter of no time!

Jamie

:)

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Guest Jamiexo

Oh yeah forgot. shave your beard against the grain. Then If you use a liquid foundation and a mineral powder (I use covergirl 3-1(liquid) and Trublend minerals by covergirl (mineral powder) and I mix the two together about 1-1 ratio then I use a brush and kind of tap the mixture then tap your face gently with the end of the brush and then after that blend it in using circular pattern upwards towards the cheek bones seems to cover the beard pretty well.

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Guest Sarah Faith

Oh yeah forgot. shave your beard against the grain. Then If you use a liquid foundation and a mineral powder (I use covergirl 3-1(liquid) and Trublend minerals by covergirl (mineral powder) and I mix the two together about 1-1 ratio then I use a brush and kind of tap the mixture then tap your face gently with the end of the brush and then after that blend it in using circular pattern upwards towards the cheek bones seems to cover the beard pretty well.

Well that would depend entirely on how sensitive her skin is.. before laser shaving against the grain destroyed my face... it would just make my skin get really painful really quick due to how thick the hairs were... Sooo definitely be careful, and do what works best for your body for now. :)

Sarah

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Guest Amber Lynn

Kylie, that's awesome, congrats hon! It takes a lot of courage to go out for the first time. It appears that it really felt right to you, to continue pushing yourself like that on your first day. I'm glad you had such a wonderful experience, and I hope you get to do it some more! :)

If anyone out there is hesitating to get out there as themselves, just do it! Even if it's something small it doesn't matter

I couldn't agree more. I also recently went out for the first time, and I can also attest that athough it's kinda scary at first, the liberation soon felt is indescribable.

I also wanted to add my 2 cents on beard issues. I also have thick facial hair, and here's my shaving method. First I make sure my face is rinsed with hot water to open the pores (I usually do it in the shower myself), then use my "shaving cream," which is actually moisturizing body wash. I shave with the grain first, then re-lather, then shave one more time against the grain. This limits the irritation as much as possible. Unfortunately, even if I do it fairly well, my facial hair is still so thick that a few close shaves in a row will badly irritate my face no matter what, enough that I'm unable to shave for a while after. :( But for the time being, this method works pretty well for me.

Love,

Gina

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Guest Carla_Davis

Hi Kylie,

Congratulations,

Going out for the First Time can be VERY FREIGHTENING. You feel the whole world is staring at you when it is NOT True.

Many times, our brain makes us believe that things are WORSE than they REALLY are.

Today, MOST people won't even give you a second glance. The Public IS NOT as cruel as many People believe.

The MORE you go out, the more self-esteem and confidence you will gain.

When I first started to go out, I got rid of my automobile and ONLY used Mass Transit which included buses and subways.

The MORE I went out and WASN'T discriminated against or the subject of any violence the MORE my Self-Esteem & Confidence INCREASED to what it is today.

Keep up the GOOD work and ENJOY your Transition.

Enjoy EVERYDAY to the fullest as your TRUE SELF.

Being able to LIVE & TRAVEL FREE and be my TRUE SELF is so rewarding to me after being so DEPRESSED for so many years.

My Coming-Out and Transitioning were/are the MOST BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL events in my LIfe.

I have also made so many more TRUE FRIENDS since Coming-Out than I ever could have imagined.

Wishing you ALL the HAPPINESS that I have today. :)

Hugs,

Carla

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Guest kyliej

Yes, shaving against the grain is definitely the way to go. I find a quality shave brush and soap really helps, too. That said, my hair is just really dark, but I guess that means laser hair removal will be that more effective when it comes time (not soon enough!).

@Jamiexo Thanks for the makeup tips, I will try that; I think the liquid foundation may be the missing piece for me.

I went out for a bit again today, and the one bummer after being out and feeling great is the sadness that comes from having to put it all away until the next time. Good motivation to get closer to full time though!

As always, thanks everyone for the encouragement!

<3 Kylie

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Guest DianeATL

Way to go girl! I know how the little things mean so much. On my first outing when a fellow trans and I walked by a bellman at the hotel and he said "good evening ladies" or just having a gentleman open a door for you gives you such a boost of confidence.

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