I Don't Need To Stop

[Zoe of Tamriel]

I'm a 14 year old transgender MTF. My entire family is way to Religious for me to bear - they think being Transgender is a choice. I've turned to drinking in secret, just to suppress my feelings, urges, and everything else because every time I go along with any of it, I get hurt and castrated by everyone.

Here's how I look at it - If I'm going to die, whenever that may be, and I'm hurting this much, there's no point to living, is there? True living is being happy, and enjoying your life. I won't be able to do any of it. My parents won't let me do anything, so I sit alone in my room, rotting. I've attempted suicide before, it didn't work out too well.

If someone comments that I have my whole life ahead of me, here's what I'm going to tell you - If I can't live as a young person in the body I want without society killing me off, or Religious pieces of **** castrating me, then what is there to live for? The only thing to live for to me is feeling the fun and splendor of being cut off from reality - thus drinking.

[MaryEllen]

Tell me anything that you want but the fact is, you do have your whole life ahead of you. You're 14. In four years, you'll be 18. 4 years to wait is not an eternity. Concentrate on getting an education with the goal of getting a good paying job. Forget the alcohol. That's a dead end road to nowhere. You need to learn patience.

True living is being happy, and enjoying your life. I won't be able to do any of it.

True living is being happy and enjoying your life and if you apply yourself, you will be able to attain that goal. .....But..... If you give up, you'll be forever unhappy. You can't see an end to this unhappiness but I can assure you, there will be better times ahead. Why not work toward happiness? What have you got to lose? Log into the chat and ask to speak to one of the moderators. They can give you first hand advice that will help you.

MaryEllen

MaryEllen

[Guest ~Brenda~]

When I was young, I had many of the same thoughts as you. Back in the day, I never thought past the next day.

You will be surprised at how quickly time passes, and before you know it, young, eager minds are looking to you for guidance.

One day, you will realize that the direction of your life is entirely up to you.

Please choose wisely.

Love

Brenda

[Charlize]

Being 14 was terrible for me. my parents had sent me off to a boarding school where i was miserable. I used to brew my own horrible booze in my closet when i finally had a room of my own. I really didn't help at all except for a moment or two. Somehow things just got better. The boredom passed and i got involved in some activities where i could succeed. I know how hard it is to do that. It just seemed to happen and i soon got so busy with life that i cmae close to forgetting my unhappiness. My life has always had ups and downs. I think that is standard. It is also my experience that when it's bad it will get better and when i'm on top i seem to slip down. Just the nature of life. Finding some serenity is my main goal and little by little those swings seem less extreme.

By the way welcome to Laura's. We are here for each other so please don't hesitate to reach out. You might find chat to be to your liking as well as the forums.

If you wish we have a meeting for people with drug and drinking problems in chat on Sun at 9:00 eastern.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Carla_Davis]

As others have mentioned earlier, you "are young" and do have a whole life ahead of you.

Drinking is not going to solve any of your problems.

I suffered over 40 years before I Came-Out, and every day I felt the way you do.

I also always thought of "Castrating" myself Physically.

I also grew up in a Catholic family, went to Catholic School.

I have also been on HRT and still have not had surgery.

Surgery is an important part of your transition but being Mentally accepting of your self is more important.

"Gender is what is between your ears, not what is between your legs"

In a few years you will be old enough to go out on your own.

In the meantime, you live in your families home and they are supporting you and you need to follow their rules.

To often, young people leave the family home, as bad as conditions may be, only to have to resort to the sex trade to made money to survive.

Being in the sex trade is much worse than being around parents that have difficulty accepting who you are.

I also feel that you should find some hobbies or other activities to keep you occupied so that you are not constantly thinking about how bad you "Think" things are.

Things "Will" get better.

Some helpful information I would like to recommend to you are:

Trevor Project( 1-866-4-U-TREVOR(1-866-488-7386)(Free Call in US-24/7) http://www.thetrevorproject.org/warningsigns

The Trevor Project is very good and is helpful to youths like yourself ages 13-24

Laura's Playground On-Line Suicide Prevention http://www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm

This site is also very helpful.

In the meantime, think carefully before doing anything drastic.

Remember, God does not make Junk, Both he and all of us here love and care about you and your safety.

Hugs,

Carla

Feel free to post as often as necessary if we can help you.