On Trans Fakers

[Guest NatashaJade]

Strange but true: some people who say they are trans (or were trans…) are lying.

Hmmmm.

Seems a strange thing to do, but the internet lends itself to strange fictions. It allows people to pretend to be other people. It is a game of sorts, role playing in a world where most of the characters are who they say they are. It’s not just a trans thing. It’s an internet thing and it happens in every corner.

But trans fakers are interesting to me. Some are easy to spot. Some are more difficult.

For instance, when I was in recovery from my surgery, I was befriended on Facebook by a person who was friends with some of my other trans acquaintances there. This person was very sweet and her positive messages were nice to hear whilst I was convalescing. One more supportive voice among many and I didn’t question it. We take all the positive energy we can, especially when healing.

And this person kept up with me for a time. I was interesting as I healed I suppose. But after a time, the messages stopped coming. Someone else was in recovery I suppose.

This person posted a lot of pictures up on FB and they were always of a young, beautiful woman who was enjoying her life and, to be fair, I would never have read her as trans except that she said so. Additionally, an awful lot of space was spent discussing her marvelous breasts and it was kind of weird to me. I eventually turned off her feed. It bored me.

And now it has come out that this person is a faker, a role player who has been at it for a long time and I wonder at the dedication to the play.

The same way I wonder at any of the other fakers, the ones who claim trans identities for any number of reasons that I am not qualified to identify (there are a great number of lay psychologists out there who know a term or two to apply and are eager to do so…I’m not one of them). I’m not entirely sure why this would be the community to choose to role play within except that trans people on the interwebz do tend to be chatty and, in general, do not question the validity of someone else’s identity…

Oh. I wrote that. Ha.

Perhaps it is because there are so many questioning the validity of others that it is easy to turn this kind of criticism around as a spiteful or jealous attack or an attack by someone who feels they have the right so say who is or who is not trans.

This makes me wonder if these fakers are completely dishonest about their trans identity. Perhaps the only way they can express their trans identities in their lives is through this online role playing. Should I feel for them if this is the case? Does their online fiction make my reality less valid or damage my ability to live in this world?

It hasn’t directly as of yet that I know of. Perhaps their actions slowly chip away at the overall validity of trans people everywhere.

What I do know is this. A relative stranger on FB who had some validity because she knew people that I knew befriended and comforted me, was kind and lovely and chatty and ultimately boring and banal. And it turns out she was not really who she said she was.

And life goes on with no real harm done.

[Guest Melissa~]

I have observed numerous fakers on various other message boards, it's a downright egregious number on one private board in particular(majority fakers.) For that matter I have seen some accounts banned here on Laura's that I could concur were suspicious.

Not everything you read on the internet is true.

[Guest KimberlyF]

I only trust fully people that I have met w/my own eyes. The next level of trust on the net is extended to someone who has had contact w/someone I've met. And so on, and so on.

And I trust people more that I have talked to on the phone than those I haven't.

I try to be open minded with anything I read on the net, but trust is earned and not given freely.

I don't have the time or energy to try to guess at everyone's motivations.

[Sakura]

I think the vast number of " fakers" are really trans to some degree or in thier mind think that they are. I notice that many of the fakers default to being pretty young vibrant women. at least i have never bumped into any that pretend to be middle aged poorly passing transsexuals. which in reality it is likely just what they are. so the internet allows them that escape from reality . a place where they can be young and pretty. all they things they are not and all the things they wish they have been. there alter egos take on lives of thier own. but in time the paint wears thin , those who are in transition begin to see threw it and they are exposed. then slither off into the corners of the internet and come back with a new story and new pictures. and start over again.

I have been duped a few times on this very web site. So now i take most all with a grain of salt. i look at it like this. if it sounds to good to be true it most likely is, though i have been mistaken on that before as well. some one i was sure was complete and total BS turned out to be the real deal. so shrugs. i don't read much into it unless i am given real cause to.

[~Nova~]

If I'm understanding you, you are talking about CIS girls that are pretending to be trans?

In all reality they do this be in the trans community so that they an scam the guys. they look really good and the guys flock to the and then they lure them into skype sex for a cost or send pictures for a price. Unfortunately their are a lot of guys that have been watching porn and are interested in the "crossdresser" Admittedly, most of those girls are very pretty and the guys want to meet them. I see this type of behavior a lot on the trans dating sites I go on.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

I don't understand completely why someone who is not trans would spend time and effort here or any other transgender support site.

I refrain from passing judgement on anyone, but at the same time I know how destructive non transgender people can be within the trans community and transgender support sites. Even here, I have witnessed some really bizzare and scary events.

With that said, FB has never been anything I have been interested in (for the reasons already stated).

Brenda

[Drea]

I've run across many proven fakes thru the years.

What they get out of it? Some are emotional predators. Some get their jollies out of seeing how gullible folks may be. Some it is a way to play out fantasy. Some want to be looked up so give support and stroke egos to get it in return. I can think of at least one instance of older trans person pretending to be a teen.

Some fakes are harmless.

Some fakes like to give advice, encourage others, encourage transition....all from a point of view of knowing nothing about the risks and what may be at stake for the other person.

So unless one knows someone in person, in my view, one has to take everything with a grain of salt. Tis is why I always suggest relying on ones therapist and in-person support.

And since it was mentioned, while I am more likely to trust someone who I have talked to on the phone, I don't consider the phone a substitute for having met someone. I can think of one instance where the faker was talking with people on the phone to bolster belief that they were for real.

I really trust those are real are either those I met, or those who have met someone I met who I trust. Half of those who have posted thus far fall into that category.

Now just cause someone doesn't fall into that category doesn't mean I assume they are fake.

I find some fakes are very obvious, but many fakes are much harder to detect and subject to uncertainty.

I've been considered fake more than a few times cause people tend to label someone fake as someone who says things they don't like and rarely see those who agree with them as fake. The reality is that some fakes make a point of saying what others want to hear.

[Guest NatashaJade]

If I'm understanding you, you are talking about CIS girls that are pretending to be trans?

In all reality they do this be in the trans community so that they an scam the guys. they look really good and the guys flock to the and then they lure them into skype sex for a cost or send pictures for a price. Unfortunately their are a lot of guys that have been watching porn and are interested in the "crossdresser" Admittedly, most of those girls are very pretty and the guys want to meet them. I see this type of behavior a lot on the trans dating sites I go on.

I wasn't referring to this brand in particular, no. The fact is, I don't know who is behind the facade. Only that there are trans facades with strange motivators (albeit, profit is not strange at all).

I do worry that when these fakers put up photos, they are generally of young, traditionally beautiful women and they are generally an unattainable ideal. I wonder if a trans woman, seeing this "perfect" transition, might feel discouraged that no such results are possible for her and decide not to transition at all.

[Cyndee]

Ironically I see "facebook" polling this post this very moment Natasha

I trust those I have met in real life and have known for sometime, I rely on real life support groups and friends, having said that I've met some really nice folks in real life from here too.

Internet and forums like this can become a platform for a virtual identity, it's an easy ticket for a faker (it's almost expected to happen), most fakers don't last long. A support forum like this it can be a vital service to many folks that may be only "questioning", they are not fakers.

C -

[Paula ult]

I have seen many fakes, a few here over the years, over time their stories change get so over the top it is a wonder anyone believes them.

I have posted this a few times over the years and for the most part it is pretty accurate especially looking at it after the person is outed as fake.

Twenty hallmarks of fake trans personae

http://www.tsroadmap.com/early/transgender-hoaxes.html

Paula

[Guest Caliana]

As someone who is coming out in the senior years of my life, I 'm very aware of being past my best looking years. Yes, it is a little discouraging to see these "perfect" transitions, real or not. I hope that other transwomen are not discouraged to the point of keeping it all bottled up inside.

As far as trust goes, I'm probably on the naive side and hope that most everybody I meet here is worthy of that trust.

[Guest KimberlyF]

There have been people who have faked identities for years. Many times they are only discovered after faking their deaths. This isn't something unique to trans boards. I know of a woman who faked not only her death, but that of her twin little girls in some sick attention grab. Some people who I'd developed very close friendships with were devistated for days only to find out the truth.

[Guest Rainatgirl]

I try and give every one the benefit of the doubt and tentatively trust them until they give me a a reason to do otherwise.

I have struggled with the idea that when I fully transition I will not even be close to passable and probably not very pretty. This has made me wish I started transitioning along time ago, but this thinking just leads me into depression and more self hate.

I accept that I will probably never be passable or pretty, but I will feel comfortable being myself. When I see a picture of a beautiful young lady who claims to be trans I am happy for her and that is all.

If a person fakes being trans to take advantage of the trans community, they are scumbags in my opinion and should be taken out with the trash.

If a person fakes being trans because they are just trying to find some body to relate to, or because they can not accept themselves, so they pretend to be somebody they are not, then they deserve our compassion.

[Guest Nikkichick33]

Sooo, let me try to understand this seeing as im confused. If someone is young pretty and passable, their a faker? This makes absolutely zero sense to me. im pretty and young, not sure im passable fully so I am seen as a faker? i would be more than willing to show i am who i am anyday, to anyone on here. sounds like their could be some jealously towards younger transitioners to me..

Nikki.

[Guest Jennifer T]

I tend to take people at their word until they give me reason not to. Maybe that is naive and I've certainly been lied to in my life.

But I don't know why someone would choose this thing to pretend or lie about. I would think there was too much at stake.

[~Nova~]

If I'm understanding you, you are talking about CIS girls that are pretending to be trans?

In all reality they do this be in the trans community so that they an scam the guys. they look really good and the guys flock to the and then they lure them into skype sex for a cost or send pictures for a price. Unfortunately their are a lot of guys that have been watching porn and are interested in the "crossdresser" Admittedly, most of those girls are very pretty and the guys want to meet them. I see this type of behavior a lot on the trans dating sites I go on.

I wasn't referring to this brand in particular, no. The fact is, I don't know who is behind the facade. Only that there are trans facades with strange motivators (albeit, profit is not strange at all).

I do worry that when these fakers put up photos, they are generally of young, traditionally beautiful women and they are generally an unattainable ideal. I wonder if a trans woman, seeing this "perfect" transition, might feel discouraged that no such results are possible for her and decide not to transition at all.

I can't for the life of my think of why someone would want to fake being trans. I wouldn't wish this life on my best enemy. If I could have I would have chosen any other route than what I took, and you're saying people fake this just to be jerks and hurt others? One word, Karma!

I see it all the time on the dating site. Obvious CIS girls posing as trans. They want money. I can see that, some people are gullible beyond crazy. It's still wrong that they do it, but I can understand it.

It just goes to show why I trust no one until they prove who or what they are. Of course, the exact opposite of the rest of the world.

[Drea]

I can't for the life of my think of why someone would want to fake being trans. I wouldn't wish this life on my best enemy.

Well the cool thing about being fake is that one doesn't have to live with the real consequences.

As a parallel, one just has to look at the folks who want to be a paraplegic. The wannabee thing. They can play a fantasy world, be part of the "in group" within that community and not have to live with the real world consequences.

[Guest KimberlyF]

Playing a fake transwoman on a website is not at all like deciding to be transwhatever.

For some that are fake, it seems like a game to see how many they can get to fall for whatever character they become online and how deep they can penetrate the ranks of regulars. This is almost a part of it. After all, why create a character and hang out on a board to be an outcast or hide on the fringes?

The young passing female isn't a stab at young passing females. It's just a more typical presentation. If one is making a fantasy world, they usually have all the bells and whistles.

And deciding to be trans for some of these people is like deciding to be an Orc for some in other games. The vast majority don't want to be orcs in real life.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Twenty hallmarks of fake trans personae

http://www.tsroadmap.com/early/transgender-hoaxes.html

I have never read that before, thank you for posting it.

Reading it also brought a few people to mind that I've known from here. (noone current though)

[~Nova~]

I can't for the life of my think of why someone would want to fake being trans. I wouldn't wish this life on my best enemy.

Well the cool thing about being fake is that one doesn't have to live with the real consequences.

As a parallel, one just has to look at the folks who want to be a paraplegic. The wannabee thing. They can play a fantasy world, be part of the "in group" within that community and not have to live with the real world consequences.

Their is no IN group in trans. I see myself as a Fr.... and a weirdo. I'd give everything to not have this life and fit in somewhere else. People freak me OUT>>>

I can't for the life of my think of why someone would want to fake being trans. I wouldn't wish this life on my best enemy.

Well the cool thing about being fake is that one doesn't have to live with the real consequences.

As a parallel, one just has to look at the folks who want to be a paraplegic. The wannabee thing. They can play a fantasy world, be part of the "in group" within that community and not have to live with the real world consequences.

Their is no IN group in trans. I see myself as a Fr.... and a weirdo. I'd give everything to not have this life and fit in somewhere else. People freak me OUT>>>

[Sakura]

Sooo, let me try to understand this seeing as im confused. If someone is young pretty and passable, their a faker? This makes absolutely zero sense to me. im pretty and young, not sure im passable fully so I am seen as a faker? i would be more than willing to show i am who i am anyday, to anyone on here. sounds like their could be some jealously towards younger transitioners to me..

Nikki.

It's not soley aimed at younger transitioners. i my self transitioned young. the ones who have been exposed as being fake , via this web site though, tend to emulate younger transitioners. We have busted many in the chats rooms. of the ones we bust. they typically seem to be attempting to prey on the younger chat members. they usually show them selves threw seriouse inconsitencies in their stories. one week they are 16 and having problems with their parents, the next they are 21 and post op and had a uterus transplant....

i my self have been accused of it once or twice , or when it is known that some one from here has met me in real life, they tell me that other users have asked them if i am really real. I also don't hold every young pretty transitioner to suspsicion . only the ones that catch my attention. i started transition young and as such have been under close scrutiny and know how it feels to be placed in that spot light.

I also did not mean to generalize these sorts to those who only pretend to be young pretty tgirls. i have been a user of this site a very long time and am nearly the last original moderator. in this time i have seen fakers of all sorts. MTF FTM S/O parents friends . it is just the above mentioned has over the 8 years i have been chatting here seemed to be the most prevelent.

[Guest NatashaJade]

Sooo, let me try to understand this seeing as im confused. If someone is young pretty and passable, their a faker? This makes absolutely zero sense to me. im pretty and young, not sure im passable fully so I am seen as a faker? i would be more than willing to show i am who i am anyday, to anyone on here. sounds like their could be some jealously towards younger transitioners to me..

Nikki.

No one is saying that, Nikki. But if you look at the pictures that people who prove out to be fake post, there is a trend that favors pictures of an ideal.

Tasha

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sooo, let me try to understand this seeing as im confused. If someone is young pretty and passable, their a faker? This makes absolutely zero sense to me. im pretty and young, not sure im passable fully so I am seen as a faker? i would be more than willing to show i am who i am anyday, to anyone on here. sounds like their could be some jealously towards younger transitioners to me..

Nikki.

Hon, you are young, beautiful, and genuine. Please do not feel defensive.

Be proud that you are so pretty.

Youth is wonderful. Enjoy your youth.

Love

Brenda

[Guest LizMarie]

As Drea notes, there are all types of fakers. I've encountered them in other online communities as well. Fake teens on gaming websites. Fake geologists on petrophysical websites. They are exactly what Drea says, emotional predators.

[Guest ~Emmie~]

It's pretty depressing to think of people needing that much emotional validation, that you'd pretend to be part of a minority group just to get pity or sympathy. It's not like transsexual women/men really have a solid relationship with by a great deal of society; preying on the good natures of those in the community could really fracture the sense of validation and peace the members get, especially in an online community. It's cruel, and sortof sad.

I agree with others' theories on here, that some are simply latent trans individuals, if they're putting THAT MUCH effort into creating a persona for themselves. I can't see why else you would fake something for so long. Kurt Vonnegut had an awesome quote, along the lines of, "who are who we pretend to be- so we must be very careful who we pretend to be."

It's EXHAUSTING pretending to be someone else. I attempted an online persona as a female for about a year on WoW in college, and by the end of it, I just felt like an incredible faker. I had heard of this phenomenon before- it's not uncommon for serious role-players, or people who try to take advantage of WoW's high male player-base (which is pretty lame, imo)- and I tried to convince myself that it was for a hypothetical "article" I'd write. Needless to say, I still haven't written it, but have debated since coming to terms with my transness. It could be interesting.

In the end, I lost a few great friends, because I tried to be someone I couldn't be, yet; and others, I had a hard time relating to as a "male". Except for the brief stint playing with my gf in guy-mode, there was no other time I've ever felt happier online. I wanted so badly to be female, but just felt like a fraud. "Em" was there, just buried under years of self-loathing and anger at the unfairness of being born in the wrong gender.

Repression is an awful, terrible monster, that eats at our bones and sinew till we are hollow and empty inside. I'm realizing that accepting my femme-ness, slowly, is going to help me back up. It'd be heartening if more people could figure out how to do that, cis and trans alike.