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Really Need General Help On Legally Coming Out


Guest Microt

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Hey, ah, I'm Nick. And...alright, well. I'm really not sure how I feel about posting here or....even joining this site. But to be honest I really don't have any other places to go. I've been on my own pretty much all my life on this; always been planning this stuff off what I can find. Anyhow I'm 18 and a senior in high school just really need to know how I can or can't proceed. Heck I'm not even sure if this is the right place to go for this and sorry if it's not...

I live roughly west of chicago in a conservative kind of family. Everyone basically aside from my parents know I'm a guy, and hell that'd be because they're not around all that often. They're pretty furious when they do see me and I know I'm not going to get support on this so I know I'm pretty much on my own. :mellow:

How the heck do I go about getting treatment for testosterone or start looking into surgery or...well, alright, any and everything. I've got looks down pretty much; whenever I'm out no one in public thinks twice. But that counts for squat when it comes to legal things and college and jobs. I still need to legally change my name and start this process so I can make some kind of plan to strive toward. I've never applied for a job officially, fortunately my dad has let me work at his place. And I know it sounds silly but I've even postponed getting a driver's license until I can legally change my name. :huh:

Right, but basically all I'm trying to figure out includes applying as a guy for college, changing my name, really coming out both legally and otherwise for the rest of my life and I haven't got much clue where to start. I've got to do this before I apply to any colleges and in my mind I figure I'll come out to my parents and go from there. That's coming up fast though and I'm not sure where to start. I've heard testosterone and these operations are mad expensive and something you need to pay for yourself. I may not have any idea how to start going about this, but I'll do absolutely whatever it takes no matter how hard or long with any information or anything you guys might have. This is really all of my life goal and I'd jump through hoops just to get there. Ach and Google can really only provide so much...

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Hm, I'm about where you are -- just turned 18 and I'm waiting on college letters. Only I'm coming out in a few weeks, but still. Basically the same. =P

First thing you need to do is fine a gender shrink to talk to. They're the ones that can give you the permission to start T and eventually surgery I think. With the RLT...I think. Still fuzzy on that bit.

As for name change...I'm not really sure. I have a friend who sent me forms for getting a name change in Virginia where I live, since he did all his legal stuff here.

One main thing I tried to do was find a good transfriendly school -- and I did. Bridgewater State College in MA is awesome. They're working on allowing preferred names on school IDs and roster, allow living in gender neutral dorms, and amazingly enough, the student health care covers trans hormones! So awesome.

There are other's who can give a lot more. and better info, but I figured I'd throw in my two cents.

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Guest J-Walker

Zack is right. The very first thing you need to do is find a gender therapist. They will provide you with the counselling and in about three months, if you have the money, you can begin testosterone and surgery. This is of course the minimum amount of time you need to see a therapist for, but it might take longer depending on your counselor. It shouldn't though.

I am 18 too. I took a gap year after highschool to transition and now I'm all done with the therapy and the surgeries (with the exception of bottom surgery). It's definitely doable but you need to have the money on hand and be able to survive after having spent it all. Therapists like a strong support system.

I think you might be able to change your name before taking anything too, and now in a few states you can get your gender changed on your license with a letter from your therapist stating so. You might not want to do that if you're planning on having surgery though. You may be able to get your internal organs out for free with insurance.

So start on finding a therapist. Laura has a whole list of them on her site. They can give you more guidance appropriate for your state. Hopefully this is helpful. (:

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Guest Jackson

Hey, Nick. Depending on how west of Chicago you are, you might be due south of me. I'm across the state line. A good Midwest resource is Forge Forward. There is a pretty comprehensive list of therapists and physicians throughout the Midwest on the website.

I don't know how other states do it in terms of legally changing stuff, but you should be able to find all the information online. To legally change your name, it's just a matter of getting the forms from your county and going through the process. It's not difficult to do. The changing gender for a driver's license or birth certificate is state specific.

If you'd like, I can do a little checking online for you since I have a little bit better idea of what to look for and where. I can let you know later.

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Guest Irielle

Hi Nick. I can't really add any information for you because I have no idea about all the legal stuff. But I just wanted to say hello and hope everything goes well for you! Someone will be along who can help you out, there is a lot of knowledge here. :)

Iri

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Guest Jackson

Just looking online quick, it looks like the DMV will accept a gender marker change on a driver's license with a letter from a therapist or physician that one is living full-time in the chosen gender. To change a birth certificate, a letter from a surgeon post-surgery is required. Same as up here for me.

Actually I was going to say that I don't know anything about changing anything for college since I graduated years ago; however, I'm actually in grad school right now. From what it seems like, no one at my current university really cares, but I'm doing the distance learning thing. But all I've had to do is just update the Registrar's Office regarding my name change. When I've had to update information, I was just able to change my gender on record without having to provide anything.

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Hey Nick,

Welcome to the playground - I see you have met some of the great guys here and one of the gals has been here.

I'm going to offer you the hungry man welcoming refreshments - would you like a cheeseburger or a slice of pizza? OK, several slices of pizza, it's a buffet! We have soft drinks and I can get you some cookies from the girls cart.

OK, the food is virtual but the welcome and the warmth here in the forums is real.

You just got here and look how many have already jumped in to help.

That's why we are here to help each other, the world's largest family! :D

Feel free to ask questions and give opinions, we want to hear from you too!

Love ya,

Sally

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Gosh I didn't really well expect so many replies. You ah....wow. You guys are...really pretty spectacular. I don't know what to say, thank you. All that info really helps. I just got to look up the rough and average expense to this stuff and I'm on my way! I suppose each state and school has a different requirement but that sounds much more relieving at least knowing where to start. I'll ah, try my best to be around the site, hopefully I can maybe help out with some stuff and really get to know some of you guys. Geez this place is surprisingly nice.

Um, it is really nice meeting you all. I mean it's not like I hadn't expected it entirely, but it still really kind of takes you off guard to I don't know, tell people this and have them actually accept it without the struggle or strong defense. And....that actually really means a lot.

Zack - Transgender friendly schools? They have those? Gosh that'd be a big relief, I was kind of thinking I'd have to sneak my way into the system somehow. All under cover agent like. :lol: Thanks a bunch and oh man, good luck with your school and everything. =w=

Jackson - That would be absolutely fantastic. =w= Ah geez, thanks so much, at this point I can really use all the information I can possibly get.

Sally and everyone else - aw gosh thanks guys for the welcomes, that's really extremely nice of you. :) I'll try to hang out and see if I can't return the favor any way I can, all of this is a real help.

Hah and a good amount of virtual pizza and soda sounds great, Sally. Thanks. XD;

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Guest Elizabeth K

Microt - hey

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

Don't leave us - stick around. Lotsa good people here and some really savy guys - and people your age.

We certainly can't ever ask you to justify or explain - I mean we are just like you! We need each other and support each other. Heck, we even LIKE each other after a while...

So stay with us a bit - especially tell us how you are doing!

Lizzy

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Yeah, I was surprised as well about the colleges. There was a little list in a book I got, I was so excited! XD Being undercover would be really hard if living in a dorm I think.

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Guest Jackson

More information:

Here's the link to that list of Midwest therapists: Midwest Gender Therapists There are a few around the Chicago suburbs. I'm not the best at knowing all the suburbs of Chicago. Several I do know are north and northwest of Chicago. Otherwise I could even ask my therapist if she could recommend someone around your area.

Name change: The county Clerk of Courts office is where you go to change your name. Usually since the forms are not used as much as others, it's hard to find them online. It cost me $155 to file the paperwork. You'll probably also need a certified copy of your birth certificate. Now, up here across the Cheddar curtain, I also had to publish a legal notice in the paper for three consecutive weeks prior to the court date. That ran about $142. Then it was just maybe $20 to get extra copies of my certified legal name change paperwork and maybe another $20 for new copies of my birth certificate. Jeez, I didn't even realize until now that it actually cost that much.

Oh, and up here, I had to go change my social security card first. They told me (and I've found it also confirmed online) that the SSA will not (or isn't supposed to) change your gender marker in their files until one has had SRS. So, they were going to leave mine be for the time being. Before I could change my gender marker on my license, I had to have the new social security card. The state of WI DMV/DOT is electronically hooked up to the SSA for identity verification purposes. So when I went to the DMV, all I had to show them was my "carry" letter (the letter stating that I'm in a gender reassignment program and living full-time as the other gender) and my old drivers license and my new social security card. So there was a time period of about ten to fourteen days when I didn't have a social security card. So I didn't have an updated drivers license until about two weeks after the name change.

College: When I first called down to talk to one of the people who run the distance learning program, the lady I spoke to even asked me why I was a little embarrassed to be mentioning going through a gender change. She wasn't phased in the least.

So I think that might be it for the info I got. It's not that difficult to do. If I did it, anyone can do it. Just be sure you have all your paperwork and all your t's crossed and your i's dotted and everything will be fine. I have a professional license through the state board and the judge even wanted formal letter in writing from the state board that it was okay for me to change my name. My professional board didn't even give me trouble.

Let me know if you have any questions or need any help. I'm be more than happy to lead you through everything.

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