I think I like her but how do I get her to see me as a dude?

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well me and this girl are friends and shes really pretty, She does understand my situation but, She still finds alittle weird and confusing so what I did was just make her laugh to get her comfortable, She even said I can come over one day because She says her mom can cook and I wanna see, Know she does want a boyfriend and another guy told her he wanted to get to know her as well, Because just like me he finds her very funny and beautiful, Yes I got mad alittle, She makes it known that she likes guys, Like drooling over flat chested men, I mean I guesd this is one of the reasons why I wish I was normal because then I could get her even though shes a year older than me

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Jay,

People's sexual preferences are simply as much a part of them as with any aspect that makes one who they are. Your friend is attracted to who she is attracted to. This is purely biological and can't really be forced or controlled.

I think that as you grow into who you are more you will find that you will find that others will see you as you see yourself.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well just bcause she is a cisgendered straight female doesnt mean I cant date her I just told her I was trans a week ago, She is accepting of me

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Accepting and attraction are different Jay. If you're really that curious just ask her if she'd date you. Straight forward and simple, no games or tricks. Some people like straight forward and simple.

Btw how do you know that she -doesn't- see you as a guy already? Just because she isn't attracted to you doesn't mean she doesn't see you as a guy, especially if she as accepting as you say she is.

It is possible for Cisgendered people to only be attracted to other Cisgendered people, just like some transgendered people are only attracted to other transgendered people, and so on and so on. Attraction is more complicated than just liking men. Some people like men with certain facial features, hair color, eye color, height, hand size and so on. We all have our preferences. To echo Brenda...we all are attracted who we're attracted to. It can't be changed or forced.

A week? Give the girl some time Jay. A friend, a great and true friend that may last years is worth more than a girlfriend that may not last. I think anyone has a right to be confused and find things a little weird when you tell them something that may have been completely unknown to them. Being pushy will get you nothing good, calm down and slow down. Take your time and build a friendship.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Im not rushing anything, Trust me Ive done that before and it didnt work out, And I knoe she doesnt see me as a guy because she calls me my birth name, And I know that she has a right to be confused or may think its weird hell I hink its weird even though Im trans, Yes I understand be friends first but the girl is gourgeous, And dudes hit on her, Ive one it but she laughed and it was through a text

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Just stay friends and hang around. Affection might grow or maybe not. If you do mention your feelings to her, I would suggest not push. Just mention them and let it go at that. Nothing wrong with mentioning them though.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well Im not gonna mention them right know, Because before I do that I need to get her to see me as a guy, Its not that easy

[Guest Angelica Alice]

Do you dress like a guy? Do you psychically present yourself as a guy?

Maybe if you do, she might grow more comfortable and get use to the fact your are a guy. Try to educate her more about ur situation. Ask her if she would ever date a trans guy or a trans person. Honestly, try to be your real gender around her as possible.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Yes I dress like a guy, Yes I present myself as a guy and even told her that identify as one, I was thinking about asking her if shed date a transguy, Im just alittle worried because physically Im not a male and most of these straight girls and even bi girls have rejected me because I dont have a penis

[Guest Angelica Alice]

Just talk to her, and have a conversation with her. Ask her if she accepts you as a male and reassure to her that you are a male. Say that she is one of your best friends and that you really want acceptance. Then pop the question.

Every girl is different. Is your friend bisexual? Is she straight? I would understand why she will feel a little weird loving a trans person. After all its her own preference.

You seem to be posting about this all the time, lol. Just try it the easy way... ASK.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

No she is fully straight thats why Im worried

[JJ]

She will or she won't and trying to be different to get her to see you as male would just cause her to sense you are being false somehow.

All you can do is tell her you find her attractive and would like to get to know her. Often as people do come to know us they also come to see the true gender because out brains are dictating behaviors and ways of thinking that are male. Or female for MTFs. We fairly often get posts here about people being seen as their correct gender by someone even prior to transition or hormones. That comes from behavior and body language.

If she cannot accept you then there is nothing to do but maintain a friendship perhaps and in time it may evolve. But pressure or trying too hard are probably the worst things you can do in a situation like this

Johnny

[Guest Jay Smooth]

No she is accepting of me being trans its her grasping the concept that Iam male, And no ome is trying to be different, You read my question wrong, She knows that their is a differemce between male and female brains thats why she got my situation, I just want her to see me as male, And Ive called her beautiful before shes fine with that its just shes straight, And I find myself more attracted to her because we like the same things im just saying you know how some straight girls can be, Like I said she makes it known that she likes guys

[JJ]

Sorry I misunderstood Jay and thought you were asking what actions or behaviors you could take to make her see you as male which would be in essence changing yourself. I apologize for misunderstanding.

Still comes down to her mind and her choice. You can't make her see you as male if she doesn't. In my experience it is an innate response based on a lot hundreds if not thousands of clues we put off and how that person interprets them. And there is also pheromones which are being shown to be a powerful determinant in how women react to men. Some women more than others. Those pheromones are hormone based and if she is someone who is sensitive to them nothing will change that. But that does not mean she cannot come to see you as male and care for you. You are not a cis male, and that is a fact that is hard for all of us, but you are male and some women will react to that while some won't. Studies have shown that women are actually more attracted to less macho men all but approximately 4 days a month. Because more neutral me actually make better fathers apparently. This isn't based on reported attraction but on measured brain responses.

A couple of times in my life a gay man has been very attracted to me. They had never been attracted to a woman and could not understand it. I suspected that my male brain attracted them in spite of my female body and pheromones at that time.. I didn't tell them about my male identity inside at all. But even so on some level they saw and were attracted to me as another man. So it can and does happen. You just can't dictate how and when unfortunately.

Johnny

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I already know im not a cismale I get that, Im not gonna call myself trans for the rest of my life either that doesnt make since, And I think I could have a chance with her

[KieranD]

It's for her to decide who she likes. She might even choose to remain single. Even if she isn't interested, being a supportive friend proves you value her interests.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I have not asked her about any of that yet

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I just said im attracted to her, I think I could have a chance though

[Guest Zayden]

Jay -

My advice to you is to go with the flow, be her friend and see where things go.

She may not be using your preferred name out of fear that you are not ready to come out to everyone.

No one can force her to be attracted to you but a friendship is a great foundation - and a necessary one - for things to go any further than that. So many people our age (and I say "our" loosely - as I'm 20 and you're....16, and if there's anything I've noticed it's a huge jump/difference in the way people view the world when they're 16 and when they're 20.) forget that before you can become someone's lover, you must be their friend.

Cheers,

Matt

[Guest leo]

Jay I'm not sure what you want us to say?! Though I was just like you at your age but when's schools over you will see things our way! Just be friends and see how things goes! You will know if she fancies you or not! Before I even knew what trans ment most of the girls treated me as male cus that's how I acted. I always dated cis gendered girls in school cus I was always just one of the guys

[Guest Bellexia]

It's for her to decide who she likes. She might even choose to remain single. Even if she isn't interested, being a supportive friend proves you value her interests.

That's interesting because in the other thread you posted this.

"If you're attracted to women, and flat out say "I won't date trans women" then you're being a transmisogynist. If you're attracted to women, find somebody awesome who happens to be trans and consider that a "deal breaker" then you're being a transmisogynist."

[Guest Jay Smooth]

She is actually a year older than and shes quite mature, I am gonna stay friends first, She trying to understamd me which is a good thing, Thats why I kinda like becaise shes beautiful on th inside and out

[Guest Jaques]

Jay i can understand how you feel - when i lst came out there was no way i passed, i was only attracted to straight women, having dated lesbians, who just didnt seem to be right for me because i wasnt attracted to women AS another woman - i felt like a man - so it was very difficult - i tried asking them out and occasionally they would go out with me but that was all - i was very lucky in the end to meet a women who, though she'd never been with a guy, was only ever attracted to M2F's or very butch women - it can be very frustrating, but never say never because you just dont know what may happen - though it seems they are few and far between, there are undoubtedly women out there who will love a person for themselves and somehow be able to get past the trans. thing...............it does happen.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I agree that some women do and can look past it