Why do people transition late?

[Charlize]

I waited until i was 63 to start really confronting my gender issues. Why? In 1948 and the years following i didn't know my feelings were shared by anyone. I simply lived my life as it unfolded in front of me with the options given. I found love with a woman who didn't like the idea at all! We have had a family and 40+ years passed before i just couldn't stand not being honest with myself and the world. Many things including my finding this site and the fact i was not alone came to bare. All the sites i had seen before made a mockery of trans people using them for exploitive sexual scenarios. That wasn't me but somehow i wanted to spend my last days as the woman i always carried buried inside. It would have been easier perhaps to try to push this aside again but that had lead me to alcohol and self abuse in the past. I am a happy 65 year old trans person enjoying my second year of living full time as myself and i'm glad to be here.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest LilyRose]

At 27 years old, I lived all of my life without the internet until I started university and I didn't know much outside of my family circle. My family is ultra conservative Christian and had me live in the church every Wednesday night and Sunday morning. Where I practically learned that people like us will burn in a lake of fire. All of my feelings ate me alive because no matter what I did, I would go to hell. Fear was an awful thing for me, intimidating and crippling. I have always known that I was a woman but it was everyone else who forced me into a role that I didn't want.

All of the religious stuff started to subside once I met other people with differing belief systems, I was glad to know they existed. I felt there was hope for me yet. The internet being introduced to my life later on meant that I had so much information that I never did before. I didn't really harness the power of the internet at first because I was still attached to my past pain. I felt so bad and alone about my womanhood that I never tried to look for help. As soon as I realized that I could not continue trying to be a man anymore, I looked into what my future will hold. Finally, I found that my feelings were not alone and many others feel the same way. I cried in happiness when I saw the different procedures, FFS, SRS, HRT and I said to myself, I want all of that, nothing is stopping you now but regret. I did not want to let regret from stopping me from being who I want to be. Then I found Laura's which I am absolutely grateful for.

There are a lot of reasons why people transition so early and transition so late. Mine was escaping feelings that weren't mine and allowing me to shine as I know I can. I only wish that I could have done this a lot sooner. I am a beautiful and happy woman who has big dreams, and no one can tell me otherwise.

Hugs a bunch!
Lily Rose

[Guest Katherine.H]

Good question. I am 60 as of last month. I remember dressing up since I was around six, wearing my sisters clothes when I could. As I grew older and learned more, I still had no idea what was "wrong" with me. I never heard of a transsexual or transgendered person. I'd only heard of gays, lesbians, and transvestites. I thought I was a gay transvestite, though early on I had no interests in other guys. I finally found literature regarding transsexualism (around 21 or so when I was in the Army) and understood there were really others like me who felt they should have been born physically female but were not. Still, I didn't know what to do about it. Didn't know there were therapists who treated for this (early seventies).

I spent most of my life fighting my transsexualism, forcing myself to live as a man and doing the "manly" things. I didn't know what to do to change my gender and didn't think I could make it in life earning my way as a woman. Who would hire me, how could I support myself? I had no answers. It just seemed too complex to overcome the obstacles. I put myself through the Army's most demanding training to become what others consider to be an elite soldier and remained as such for twenty years. To further cement my "manhood" I married. Over the past couple years my life has become even more complex, forcing myself to be what I am not.

Now, with deep regrets, too much unhappiness, and thoughts that I'd much rather not have, I've decided I need to go back on hormones (was on for about eight months until around two years ago). I'll have to deal with everything I've entwined myself with to keep myself from living as a woman. I had seen a therpist in the mid 90's, Ms. Hahn in Wilmington, who had told me I was much further along than some of her other girls. After completing therapy with here under the Standards of Care, she said I was ready to take the next step, living as a woman and hrt. I was and still am married.

Honestly, I wish that the resources that are available to the young people now were available to me when I was young. I'm very certain I'd be a happier woman now.

[Guest sally-jane]

as for me i new from the age of six i was different but due to where i use to live it was dangerous to be different and i mean deadly you were beaten up bullied stabbed and in some cases you could have been kill just because you were not like them and being told thats not what boys do all the time i gave up and tried to fit in but you knew deep down you were a girl in a boy/girl body and when i hit 12/13 it got even harder to hide so i put on wait to hide what was happening to my body ie breast development and other thing to a point where i came out as gay to be with the sex i love but you knew that that you weren't gay and then at 32 i had enough and i sought help which i am happy to say im going in the right direction now and im not scared or ashamed any more and as have been said we all do it in our own time

sally

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

The old-timers above are telling you THE EXACT TRUTH, baby!

I grew up in the most industrialized, blue collar city on Planet Earth. They would have killed me. No lie.

Actor Sean Penn starred in a movie entitled: MILK.

Rent it. Buy it. Watch it.

As a benchmark, I graduated high school in 1973. The San Francisco of Harvey Milk's achievements was AFTER I would have finished college. Steel City, USA was way, way, way more uptight and intense than mellow-yellow San Francisco! Believe me.

We COULD NOT DO THIS ... most of us, anyway.

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

[Guest LizMarie]

Amen, Lacey! Ohio Valley child here, graduated high school in 1976, and the rule among parents and teachers was that it was ok to "beat the sissy" out of someone "so long as no bones are broken". Literally, I heard a PE coach actually tell some of the school "jocks" that once. Things like that warp a child and it can take years or even decades to get past those fears.

[Ravin]

Had to figure myself out. Had to have the information to do it. For a long time, all I had was a bunch of pieces that I didn't know all fit in the same puzzle. I was past 30 by the time I figured out what kind of puzzle it was, and the pieces fell into place. Then I had to be patient because life circumstances (kids, money, etc.) dictated waiting was the most stable course for long-term happiness. To move too swiftly would have rocked too many boats.

A big part for me also was that I identified strongly with my father, and tried to follow the same roles he did, then when I reached an age to separate and think for myself, I reeled away and it took a while to find out how to be my own man, and that that was what I identified with in my dad, rather than his politics or religion or any of the other things where we're night and day.

[Ravin]

Another reason, from about age 20 I was bound and determined to start a family. I remember looking into storing eggs, but didn't fancy self-injecting the hormones to that end, plus the old fashioned way is a lot cheaper. I didn't focus on myself and what to make of myself until I was done having kids (and it hit like a ton of bricks swiftly on the heels of knowing I was done putting my body through all that stuff).

[Guest DianeATL]

More Amen's for the mature crowd's comments. Just as a black kid growing up today would have a hard time conceiving of what it would have been like when they had to ride in the back of the bus or use separate facilities, I know it is hard for today's young people to really comprehend what it was like when we grew up. I graduated HS in 73 and believe me, you did not want to identify as fem or queer (the term gay wasn't even around). Being ostracized and bullied would have been the norm and physical harm was very likely.

With no internet and only 3 TV stations, the first transgendered person I ever heard about was the tennis player Rene' Richards and she was making news about the time I graduated college. Information just wasn't available and forget about support either from a medical community or support groups. Men who dressed in women's clothes were told to stay away from parks or get arrested.

As others described, you then hit a adult launching point as you enter your career, get married, have kids, and if you don't transition before that, you will be too busy to transition until life settles back down when you become empty nesters and stable. I would be real interested in the data, if there is any, about ages of those starting transitions. I bet that there is a bi modal distribution with a group who discover and do it young and another group who do it late with the minority in the middle.

I wish that I could have known all that I know now when I was a teenager, but you can't go back, you can only move forward. I often have second thoughts about is it worth the effort this late in life but my therapist pointed out with today's medicine and life spans, I could be only at the halfway point, not the home stretch. I have found more peace, happiness, and comfort as a woman than I ever experienced pretending to be a man. Why shouldn't I enjoy that feeling for the rest of my life, however long or short that is.

Hugs,

Diane

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Kudos to my fellow geezerettes, especially to DianeATL!

Apparently, she and I are the same age. Like her, I oftentimes rue the losses I've endured, know full well that I would have to face them before even beginning my journey, for I am no longer young and, likewise, rue joining The Geriatric Set. Most of you have not seen me lately. Well, I think I'm doing alright for age 58:

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=61570395

Roll your cursor over the pictures for an enlarged view. I would like to think, like Diane said, that we old-timers are at the half-way point. Now, THAT would really rock! Hooha! Tell you what, though: I go on YouTube and see today's young hotties who started hormone replacement therapy in their teens, many who NEVER faced male puberty! Whoa! Oh, how I envy them! Sorry, yes, I know .... petty of me. Hey, I'm only human too. Had I been able to start hormone replacement therapy in like 1968, 1969 or so, oh, momma!

Young 'uns, TRANSITION IS NOT FOR EVREYBODY!

Understand that, please. Do it ONLY if you feel you absolutely must! But, if you actually do it, embrace it!

Rock On Lacey Lynne

Thinking Out Loud:

Funny thing is that I NEVER get any dates! What, I'm not nice enough, kind enough, smart enough, decent-looking enough. Darned if I know. The irony is that people of BOTH sexes are always ooh-ing and aah-ing at me in person, but that's as far as it every goes. What a Twilight Zone Existence! Sigh, like, whatever, you know?

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

As Lacey and Diane both have said, things were different back in the day.

To come out and tell someone I was a girl? In those days? I can't imagine what those few who did manage to transition back then must have endured. Now that, was courage!!!

I didn't even understand what was wrong (or right as I prefer now) with me until I finally had internet, in the late '90's. For years I thought I had a split personality and was probably schizophrenic or something. I hated myself!

I did read about someone who had a sex change operation. I was in seventh grade I believe, and I fell asleep night after night praying I could have that operation. But I still didn't understand it. The term Gender Dysphoria hadn't even been invented yet.

The Southern Baptist school I graduated from in 1973 wouldn't allow a guy with long hair in their church or school, let alone God forbid, a transsexual!!!

They were different times. They were good times in many ways, 29 cent gas, cars that had style and big engines. Rock n roll, and Country too had their heyday. Clothes, minis, bells etc., oh . . . ! Quad stereo was high tech. No cd's, but you had your favorite side one or side two, and you could tell which was favorite because it was the worn out side. But freedom for the LGBTQ community didn't exist. You just didn't discuss such things.

The old cigarette commercial for Virginia Slims, “You've come a long way baby.” I think would apply for today.

Am I doing the right thing by transitioning at 58? I just know I couldn't go on the way I was. I had no choice, and I know I can't go back.

I hope to have a lot of healthy years left in this world, but, if it ends tomorrow, I will still be thankful for the short time I've had to finally live as myself. It has been worth it, and I wouldn't trade these last few months for anything in the world.

[Guest Opal]

Amen, Lacey! Ohio Valley child here, graduated high school in 1976, and the rule among parents and teachers was that it was ok to "beat the sissy" out of someone "so long as no bones are broken". Literally, I heard a PE coach actually tell some of the school "jocks" that once. Things like that warp a child and it can take years or even decades to get past those fears.

I am also a HS grad from 1976, and although from a different state (rural Colorado) the comment about parents and teachers held pretty true at our school. We even heard about a person at another school who was dressing as the opposite gender who was ostracized by her community and school. I believe that she eventually had surgery, but had to put up with constant verbal and physical abuse.

By the way, my father considered any male who dressed as female as being someone who was avoiding the draft and beneath contempt.

There are still numerous challenges facing those needing to transition in today's world. At least there is better understanding and support now.

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

For me stating so late it was a few things that held me back. The first reason was lack of knowledge. I was age 28 and surfing the Internet for the first time when I came across the word transsexual and realized this was me. Another reason was at age 28 I was married with kids and a full time army mechanic in an infantry unit.

When I was young elementary school age I got beat up darn near daily for being a weak girly boy sissy. I was very small/skinny/weak and an easy target for the bullies. Had zero skills at any sports what so ever , was the last picked for a team every time. was not aloud to have any friends that were girls cause I was a icky boy as they so loved to say and no male friends as I was worth no more then a punching bag for them. So for me I had to run and hide alot to keep from getting beaten on. My dad and step dead would get very nasty with me if I did not all manly at all times. So for survival sake I had to start to adopt a male like personality as best as I could and it took me well into my teen years to perfect it. I asked God many times to just make me a girl so it would all stop.

During my teen years I knew something was very different about me compared to other bio males. just listening to them talk was almost like trying to understand some foreign language. Was scared as can be to say anything about how i felt for fear of being sent to a mental institution. Went the first 28 years of my life thinking i was super crazy in my head. In my early teen years my mom found some female cloths in my bedroom and she freaked out about it and sent me to see a shrink. I lied my arse off as best as I could to explain why there was female cloths in my bedroom. They were my older sister things so i just said I had them to get back at my sister and the shrink bought it. Unlucky for me my step dad did not and I had to hear him call me a sissy and Sweetie on a darn near daily basis.in my later teen years I finally started to get taller and stronger as was finally able to protect myself. With the surge of testosterone flooding my body at the time it was alot easier to deal with my gender issues as it kind of held them back enough to deal with them.

At age 18 I got involved with a girl and well oops she got pregnant. so here I was age 19 and a parent now. I had two people to take care of and this also forced me to man up even more to take care of my family. The relationship did not last to much longer after my son was born as she started sleeping around with every tom penis and hairy in town. Guess I was not manly enough for her.

Some time later I started dating anoughter woman ended up marring her and having two kids with her. was married for almost 7 years and in the army when I read what a transsexual was for the first time. Was reading someones personal stuff about how they came to realize they were trans. while reading it I was like OMG it was like reading a story about myself and my feelings.So here I was aged 28 married with kids in the army and finally realizing I was not crazy but was a transsexual after all. Well all I could do was continue on with life as usual as I did not see any other way at the time to go about things. Problem was I was not able to deal with things as they were at all and went into a very dark time in my life. During my dark times I thought about rapping my car around a tree on a darn near daily basis to just end the suffering I was feeling inside.My kids ment alot to me and is most likely the only reason I am still alive today. Was able to some how get through my 4 years in the army and moved back to my home town. Things were ok for awhile as was readjusting to civilian life again.But as the newness of civilian life started to wear off the dysphoria kicked back in over drive. Went through the next few years very miserable but had a family to take care of and had just started a new business. My marriage finally started to fall apart as my wife started sleeping around on me ( should have seen it coming the signs were there). The marriage failed and for the first time in my entire adult life I was on my own all alone. This was actually a good thing as was able to just look out for myself for once and do as I desired without worring about a wife that may get upset. Well I started to do alot of research in to transsexualism to find out how to deal with it better and what my options were. after alot of research and countless hrs, days, weeks and months of deliberation I finally decided to do something about it. I started out super slow just small things like growing my hair out and piercing my ears. Came out to my family doctor at the time and she was a blessing is disguise. She helped find a therapist for me and after my therapist recommended I start HRt she help find me an endo. It took me to age 38 to finally start on HRT a full 10 years after finally finding out I was trans and not crazy. Now I am not as old as some here but can say if you had went through the 70's and 80's you would understand why so few of us old trans even though of transition at a younger age. If I knew way back when what I do know there is now way in heck I would have waited so long to transition as would have fought as hard as i could have back in my teens to have been who i truly was ment to be.

[Guest savannah]

hi ladies.My name is Savannah Breaux.She started at 59.Savannah just jumped into it,& did not look back.Growing up had to hide it.Due to timeand mainly father.If he had seen anything he would of beat Savannah to death.So she got good at hideing and live how life thought she should live.But she did try to come out several times.She then hide back quickly.Not now,she lives real life.No back doors,no side doors but,through the FRONT door.She holds her head up high and walks the walk.Savannah tries her best to educate people on us.If she could get her srs-grs she would be complete.Just remember girls,when u make the choice,hold your heads up high and let the whole world know it.Be proude of your self.Put a big smile on and do not let anyone take it away from u. love u all,Savannah

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Amen, Lacey! Ohio Valley child here, graduated high school in 1976, and the rule among parents and teachers was that it was ok to "beat the sissy" out of someone "so long as no bones are broken". Literally, I heard a PE coach actually tell some of the school "jocks" that once. Things like that warp a child and it can take years or even decades to get past those fears.

LizMarie, you too, eh?

Oh, how I HATED gym class (as we called it back in The Day) for this very reason. So many of us T-girls took so much baloney. Dang.

I'm amazed how similar and/or nearly alike our stories are! Amazing.

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

[Guest]

Transition Late? Better late than never! Dang, I wish I had been a bit wiser earlier, cause life on this side is so good!

My answers are the same as any of the others here. I am just ecstatic that I finally got to do it!

Love, Megan

[Bulldog1948]

Not to be rude or anything but some people on here have transitioned late. When they are older. Why? I know that not ALL but some, and I'm curious.

The following is from a MTF perspective but could apply to FTM in reverse. I started my transition at age 51, after decades of denial and suppression, I knew I was different from a very young age, but tried my darnest to get along in life meeting the expectations heeped upon me. Back then there was no Internet, no resources available like today, a totally different world now, it was far more binary when I was young, coming out in the 60's or 70's way different, gender variance was dealt with far more harshly than it might be today. We mature transsexuals put off these feelings mostly for others, and become miserable because of it. We have complicated lives to live, families, jobs, responsibility. The pain of doing nothing reaches unbearable levels and you must finally take action is a common theme. Many think by getting married and raising families trying to live within expected social boundaries that they will be somehow cured of this condition, only to find out later in life that is not the case. Some might think that by only partially expressing themselves, such as cross dressing intermittantly that this would satisfy the inner woman, only to find out, it just becomes harder and harder to return to a male existence in doing this, they may transition later in life as they finally give in to her (like me). So if you are young person, and feel that unmistakable tug of the inner girl (boy) wanting to live, might be worth a listen, it only gets more complicated over time, listen to your heart, the answers lie there. Live for yourself then others, and of course it's never too late to be true to yourself. Then be sure to count your blessings kids, none of this is a given, be happy you did not have to suffer in the "dark ages", the world today is far more accommodating, the level of understanding much greater overall, and it continues to improve for the next generation.

Cyndi -

Cyndi, I applaud you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So well said and right on target. We may have suffered through the dinoisaur times, but at least we managed to survive, Thank God.

[Guest Nicole Thrace]

Hello,

I knew from an early age that I was female. I was brought up thinking that what I felt was wrong ( a sin against God) so I fought with being Trans for a long time. In movies and other media Trans people were not showen in a positive light. Most the time you had some " guy" with three days of beard growth, in a dress, with a very fake sounding female voice, trying to pick up men in a bar or on a street corner. I did not even know the word Transgender till 2011.

Why I didn't start Transition sooner:

1. Family up bringing

2. Lack of knowledge

3. I thought I was crazy so I never told a therapist about my feelings

4. SRS was/is expensive so it felt out of reach.

5. Fear of ridicule

Those are some reason that came to mind.

Now as I transition, I wish I would of started so much sooner but I have look back at the 70s/80s and understand why I didn't. Now my life is so much better being the woman I am.

Hug with Love,

Nicole