A Day Out

[JJ]

These weekly shopping expeditions to the nearest towns have been significant through my transition. It was during one that I got my first "Sir" and first used the mens restroom. When I was first flirted with and noticed the unexpected amount of communication between men that is primarily non verbal but to me even more extensive than between women in a way.( Maybe I was just not getting the clues from women). So many things

Today my daughter and I went with a neighbor because our vehicle is currently non functional. I have met her and talked to her a few times and knew she seemed accepting and fine with me but a full day with someone can be a different matter.

I was also concerned that I'd go into girl mode like it was a girls day out since I had not been in the company of two women shopping like that since transition. For 20 years my best friend and daughter and I used to go often before we moved and I transitioned and I thought old habits might kick in. That turned out to be a total non issue. Once I really thought about my behavior I never really was that much in girl mode even during those shopping days with my friend and what little there may have been has faded away.

But I did notice the woman was a little tense at the beginning of the day. Very nice and polite and correct pronouns but tense. As the day progressed though she relaxed and we had a nice day. but it has made me think.

A long time ago when I went to a small dinner held by a gay couple I was tense too although I was totally accepting and liked them both. It was my first time socializing with a gay couple in a very small group. But before long I had relaxed and it was a very good occasion that I enjoyed. I realized that this woman was like me then. More afraid of my own reactions and possible faux pas than anything else. In unfamiliar territory in a real way.

No matter how friendly and accepting I am sure pretty sure this was her first day in the company of a transsexual. . It is human nature to be tense in new situations. She learned that it really wasn't so different and after awhile it was just a day with two women and a man. That the man was trans wasn't really a big deal. I need to remember that next time I sense someone is tense around me. They just need to get used to something that may be unfamiliar and then come to realize I'm not a Tanssexual-I am a man who happens to have an unusual history and therefore called transexual. My history is strange-I am not.

Johnny

[Charlize]

That is very perceptive Johnny. I know i often think i'm the one who is going to disturb another by my change instead they are often worried about hurting my feelings or using the wrong name or pronoun. This is especially true of friends who after transition sometimes seem to feel awkward for a while. Once they blow the name or gender and find out i didn't burst into tears they relax and we can enjoy each other as in times past. Funny i'm worried about what they will think of me and they are worried about hurting my feelings or saying the wrong thing. That may be one reason why passing makes things easier for everybody but i have become relaxed with old friends and most know me as my new or perceived as new self.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Carolyn Marie]

I'm glad you day turned out well, Johnny. I certainly understand how you felt going in. We tend to worry excessively about how others perceive us, or will react to us. Everyone has certain anxieties over new situations, whether they are trans or not. Reality and experience lessen such anxieties nearly every time, in my experience. I had to face groups of businesspeople, groups of city executives or colleagues, and groups of constituents following my transition at work. In every case, I was nervous at first. it took many such occasions for me to convince myself that my own fears were baseless.

Telling someone not to be nervous, or telling ourselves that, is pointless, because we will believe it until we are proven wrong by experience. That is just human nature. I'm glad you're finding it out for yourself.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie