Have you Ever Noticed?

[JJ]

Have you ever noticed that when people know they aren't going to like the answer they won't ask the question unless they want to have a fight or change you?

I've observed people ignore the blatantly obvious because they didn't want to see it or didn't want to confront an issue. And when they are spoiling for a fight will ask what they already know they answer to and know very well they aren't going to like.

Some people only ask so they can get a reaction and have an excuse to say something nasty. Anything you say back just gives them satisfaction

But oh is it hard to walk away.

Johnny

[Guest Jennifer T]

I fully admit that I do not know the context or backstory for the topic. Nor am I asking to know what led to it.

But to answer the question solely on its own merit, yes, I have noticed that. However, (sorry) I'd advise caution in assuming that the answer to someone's question is 'obvious'. It may appear that way to the person or even groups of persons responding. But sometimes the answer may not be obvious to the person asking simply because there are extenuating circumstances to their situation that aren't given immediately in the query.

Just my $.02.

Peace

[JJ]

No big back story. There have been a number of things that made me think about it-some IRL and some online but most IRL. Seeing the questions sometimes in someone's eyes that they don't ask because they like me somehow and would rather not know and seeing my daughter carefully look away if I purchase something she'd rather not think about me using.

And other life experiences where working with families as a social worker I heard parents ask children or children ask parents questions so they could insult them over the answers or either escalate or start a fight.

Nobody really wins when they answer because it was a set up from the get go. But it can be near impossible to walk away when someone has deliberately pushed a button.

Just an observation on human nature. I think we find ourselves in that position perhaps more than most.

Johnny.

[VickySGV]

Maybe one of the gifts I have received in recent years, especially after beginning HRT, is the ability to simply feel a person aking what is basically a rhetorical question. I am not perfect yet, and still have more misses than hits, but I simply tell them "I think you have an opinion on this, how do you feel and what is the answer you already have in mind?" My eldest daughter pulls the "question she has the answer for" on both me and her mother. Sadly her mother cannot do even the small amount of back throw that I have developed due to some medical issues, but I am getting to where it is becoming second nature with our daughter at least. "What support do you want for your opinion?" "I can / cannot give that support." "Supporting your decision will / will not help me / harm me." I no longer give into the urge to tell the bad the decision will give my daughter, she is nearly 40 years old, and I no longer need to control her life, only my own, only my own.

I may not say all of that every time, but it shortens the conversation that is meant to start a riot and a scene if I take that approach.

YOU have an opinion!! You have an answer you want to hear, tell me what it is.

[Guest Deanna]

I have been noticing the same thing. Friends and acquaintances seem to be staring at my breast and the other changes in voice and clothes and say nothing. I know they know something is going on. I mean my toe nails are painted. But they just stare and avoid the subject. Except to insure they reinforce there beliefs by saying "Sir" at least two times in every conversation. Like if they say it enough it will make everything they see not so. They will never ask because they would have to deal with the truth. On the argumentative type. I avoid these at all cost. I know they will never try to understand.

[Guest]

......

But oh is it hard to walk away.

Johnny

Indeed Johnny, sometimes we simply have to force ourselves to walk away.

Take the higher road, Johnny.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Jamie_cd]

Deanna, I've been having a similar issue with a few coworkers and my brother in law. They don't understand things and usually ask a question just to get a rise out of me. It's rather annoying but I've come to accept that some people are just ignorant and rude.