Drugs, Alcohol, and Trans

[Guest shayla651]

Finding things out about yourself can be exciting, it can also be very scary though too. I never realized that I was transgender until I was in fifth grade. But, only being in the fifth grade and still being young I had no idea how rough my life would get in the years to come. After, coming to the realization that I should have been born female I kept it to myself. I was petrified of being judged or ostracized from my peers. By the time that I was in my junior year of high school I came out to my parents. That was one of the scariest moments of my life. I was hoping for acceptance and for someone to tell that everything would be alright. Instead I was met with harsh criticisms and violence. After experiencing such hate and misunderstanding from my parents I refused to talk to them about anything. I lost all trust in my parents. From there I started down the slippery road of drug and alcohol addiction. I turned to drugs because I felt I had no one I could talk to you or no way to make things better. I thought the drugs and alcohol could fill the whole that I now had in my heart. At my weakest moments and a moment when I needed my parents the most they abandoned me. I guess I am writing this to help others and to just get some of this of my mind. It all started with drinking I would become so intoxicated I could not function normally let alone think. I liked being that way because I didn't have to deal with the problems of life. But it came to a point where alcohol would not cut it anymore and then I turned to drugs. Among all of this craziness I did manage to find a healthy way to help myself. As some of you may know I live in Tn, but I was born in Wi. During my lowest of low I moved to Wi. to help me get off the drugs and help myself. At first when I got to Wi. I was still bad into drug addition, but then I stumbled across this building downtown called The LGBT Center. They looked friendly enough so I walked in and started talking to them. After, talking to them for a couple hours a week. I realized that there was nothing wrong with me, but my mind had been brainwashed by my mom. She would tell me that I was an abomination, that I was going to rot in hell, and that I was no longer her son. Thanks to the people at the LGBT Center though I had finally became more comfortable with myself. I have yet to make any changes yet but plan to. I am currently back in Tn and trying to the courage back up again to go in public as how I see myself. But, It is scary. This is where most of my bad memories come from. I want to go back to WI but if I cant be myself where ever I go then what's the point. I have read some of ya'lls post and it astonishes me how much courage that you have. But, I guess we all possess the courage to do what we want, but first you need to be strong enough to reach into yourself and pull out the you that isn't scared. Its hard to do that though. Especially when the current you is a coward. I can only hope that I can one day be brave enough to look pass the looks I get from people,and the ridicule that I face. Until then I need to be happy and just continue being happy that I am finally out and doing something about it. If anyone reads all of this and thinks that they have some helpful advice on being comfortable with yourself. I am all ears. I also want to thank the people who took the time to read all that I have wrote, and I also hope that maybe I was able to help someone else as well. I noticed that I never but my "status" on here so I should probably shed some light on that. I am MTF and proudly out of the closet, and am hoping to one day be able to have SRS.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Shayla,

Welcome to Laura's Playground dear

Love

Brenda

[Guest mandy33]

Hi, welcome, know exactly what you are going through, have been down that road.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Shayla,

I agree with you fully about the value of LGBT Centers.

Here is a brief description about how the LGBT Center of NYC saved my life.

I would like to share with you a Life-Changing and Life-Saving story about ME.

I used to attend “MY CENTER” aka “The LGBT Community Center in NYC” They are located at 208 W. 13^th Street. ,NYC.

I am very PROUD to say that they “Literally” saved my life from Suicide when my whole family disowned me and also did terrible things to me.

I also volunteered there for approx. 2 years. I considered it a “SAFE HOUSE” where I could get away from all my pain and suffering at home.

hugs,

Carla

[Michelle 2010]

But, I guess we all possess the courage to do what we want, but first you need to be strong enough to reach into yourself and pull out the you that isn't scared. Its hard to do that though. Especially when the current you is a coward. I can only hope that I can one day be brave enough to look pass the looks I get from people,and the ridicule that I face. Until then I need to be happy and just continue being happy that I am finally out and doing something about it. If anyone reads all of this and thinks that they have some helpful advice on being comfortable with yourself. I am all ears. I also want to thank the people who took the time to read all that I have wrote, and I also hope that maybe I was able to help someone else as well. I noticed that I never but my "status" on here so I should probably shed some light on that. I am MTF and proudly out of the closet,

Hi sweetie, welcome to Lauras's Playground... This is the definition of courage I have come to embrace:

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act in the presence of fear.

I can't speak for others, but for myself there was no "me" within which wasn't scared to "come out". I was able and willing to attend a support group without fear, but to come out to friends, family and the world? Can't say there was no fear... But I did have Faith that it was the right time and the right thing for me to do. Here's the entire quote i cut and pasted:

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act in the presence of fear. Faith is not the absence of doubt, but the courage to believe in spite of doubt. Trust is not the absence of qualms, but the capacity to go forward despite misgivings."

~ Rev. Mary Harvey ...

So I also had Trust.

The time was right in my life to stop living a lie. I am three years into my journey and am surrounded by a community of accepting friends, church congregants, and fellow travelers in the Recovery community. I am loved and respected(I think lol!) within that group. I am busy socially, spiritually, and in service work. Was there a price to be paid? Yes. A decades long marriage ended this year. But, frankly, it liberated me to be me without compromise for the first time in my life.

I suggest you may want to check into the Introductions Subforum and say high to all here. Not everyone here visits this forum. Even tho we as a group have the highest substance abuse rate of any demographic I know of, not every one here at LP has those issues and you can meet others by stopping over and saying hi in the Intro section.

Welcome aboard

Michelle

[Charlize]

Welcome dear. I worked my uses of substances in a different way. Started with drugs then booze but the result was the same. I was lucky to get into a 12 step program and got sober with the help i found there. % years into sobriety i got the courage to dress as myself and go to a women's meeting. I was accepted and actually shared my story with a room full of women. That was the start of finding acceptance and sobriety with the same wonderfully accepting people. I am far from fearless but day by day i have managed to get sober and better accept myself in an honest way.

Laura's has been a great place for me as well. I have learned a lot here and made some good friends. I'm glad you found us. We try to help each other and in doing that we seem to help ourselves.

Hope to see you around and thanks for your post.

Hugs,

Charlie