Post-Op Abstinence

[Guest EvaO]

I have been thinking a lot about my life after SRS. I know that, in many ways, things will stay the same in my life and that's a bit comforting for me -- after all, this is just a realignment of things I already had in my mind to begin with. One thing that I know will change, however, is my sex-life. Obviously, my genitals will be a bit different than what they are now. I've been thinking about practicing abstinence after having my surgery. That means, no sex before marriage, even with boyfriends.

I've never been all that promiscuous in my life, mainly because I personally hate pre-op sex and am just super shy around boys I like. I have had a few one night stands in the past (the very, VERY past) and a few boyfriends too -- I recently broke up with my last boyfriend two weeks ago. But, my wanting to stay abstinent really has nothing to do with moral convictions; I feel like, after going through the entire physical, emotional and financial ordeal of having srs, I want to save that part of my body for someone really, super special, someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Do you think this is practical? In this day and age, is it still possible to date actively, yet also stay abstinent until married? I welcome your suggestions below.

[JJ]

My recommendation would be to examine all the options and keep your mind open in case your feelings change at some point.

The only real danger I see is getting hurt or disappointed because when we attach that much significance to something things can become bigger to us than any actual event can match or else the importance we attach to it can become more important than the event itself. Robs us of being there in the present and just enjoying in a way.

Enjoy today and take all that it offers-dream of tomorrow but take it as you find it and dont put off any happiness you find for something that may not be as good as what you deny for it. My idea anyway.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest LizMarie]

It's certainly practical. You can and should do whatever you wish!

But as Johnny says, don't set things in stone. Be willing to re-evaluate and don't punish yourself if you change your mind. And if it all works out for you as you want? Great!

But be aware that some people may not want to continue a relationship without that physical aspect, even persons with good intentions towards you who might see you as a life mate. Just be flexible and make your decisions realistically.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Eva,

I can relate to some of your feelings.

I am PreOp MTF, and since my divorce many years ago I have been Celebrete.

I hated sex with my wife and do not feel comfortable having sex as a PreOp.

After SRS, I do plan to enjoy sex.

Not being Promiscuous, I feel that sex is a normal and healthy part of a relationship.

Ideally, I would like to save my "Virginity" for my future husband, but I have to face Reality.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Kaylee234]

I personally intend to take my new corvette for a test drive as soon as she's streetworthy.

Your mileage may vary.

~ K

[VickySGV]

I am basically "person sexual" and all my life have needed the emotional intimacy and trust before physical intimacy was a possibility. I fathered three children the natural way, and while it did not always seem what I should be doing, my ex as a matter of her personality at the time took more of the male role which make our sexual intimacy work. It was when her Bi Polar disorder surfaced and our emotional intimacy became unstable that our marriage came to an end, at her instigation. In the twenty plus years between our dissolution of marriage, and my SRS last January, I had not developed a person to person emotional intimacy with anyone sufficient to begin sexual intimacy, a point I had explored with my therapists and resloved with the plan that NOTHING was un-changeable and more possible in time. Wiil there be someone?? Unknown. Could there be someone?? Unknown.

I guess celibacy is my default mode, but I have time to find out if I can override it. Let your heart be your guide, but remember it may not shout out a good thing, so listen for the whisper.

[Guest Kylie2112]

I personally intend to take my new corvette for a test drive as soon as she's streetworthy.

Your mileage may vary.

~ K

I love this line My girlfriend (also MTF) and I aren't going to enjoy that window of recovery time (trying to keep things G-rated...let's just say we're not poster children for chastity), but once that's over...

[VickySGV]

Hey, I have a date every night!! He has no trouble staying hard, but he's not much of a conversationalist.

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Since I have very little sensitivity in that area now, I dont think I am going to have much after surgery if I decide to ever have surgery.