Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A Big Ego? Or Low Self Esteem?


Guest MrAwesome

Recommended Posts

Guest MrAwesome

Lately I've been looking at myself in the mirror every day and noticing how awesome I look. Like, I'm posing for myself in the mirror and stuff! xD My ego's becoming larger than north America and South America combined! But the funny part is, like I don't feel confident all that much in myself... Like I can't do anything right, or that I'm just a huge screw up. o.0 So curiously what does that make me...

And I have another question for everyone - What category do you fit in? Do you have very high self esteem, and confidence, to the point you're ego is huge possibly? Or do you have low self esteem, or maybe fit into the same category as I do? xD

Bwahahahahahahahaha.... Beware my conversationalism!!!

Link to comment

Good question, quite often people who appear to have big egos and even like yourself are aware of it are using it to mask their own low self esteem.

Much like feeling the need to hide who we are before we accept ourselves - we try to be more than we needed to be.

The same thing happens during transitioning we try to be more than we need to be,

Once you learn to be happy with yourself, just the way you are instead of trying to be who others expect you to be or who you think you should be and just be you, all pretense is lost and you no longer have to act like a man or a woman you can just be.

That was your moment of Zen. (My apologies to John Stewart and the Daily Show for borrowing their intellectual property - I'm giving them credit but I have failed to get the express written consent of Major League Baseball! :o )

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
im act reli confident and big headed

but truth is im not im shy and dont reli like myself much

hopefully that will all change

You have to make that change, Leo.

You are the only one who can.

Stop listening to the people who tell you not to be who really are and listen to those who want you to be you.

Number one on that list has to be YOU!

I love you and can't understand why you are having so much trouble loving yourself, you are a great guy!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest TBForLife
Lately I've been looking at myself in the mirror every day and noticing how awesome I look. Like, I'm posing for myself in the mirror and stuff! xD My ego's becoming larger than north America and South America combined! But the funny part is, like I don't feel confident all that much in myself... Like I can't do anything right, or that I'm just a huge screw up. o.0 So curiously what does that make me...

And I have another question for everyone - What category do you fit in? Do you have very high self esteem, and confidence, to the point you're ego is huge possibly? Or do you have low self esteem, or maybe fit into the same category as I do? xD

Bwahahahahahahahaha.... Beware my conversationalism!!!

I have a HUGE ego.

My roommate actually did this for me. When we go out I do dress freak/goth and EVERYONE looks.

So she says "You're SO SEXY" and I know it too. Then I walk by a mirror, and I see that sexy thing that is me!

I walk down the street like no one is looking, I just know I'm awesome. I don't care what anyone else sees. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I have become the man I want to be. I am the man I want to be and I don't care what anyone else wants me to be. I just own it.

Look in the mirror while you're out and get back to that hot guy with the big ego, he's there!

Just be him, be confident that is what you look like, all the time, thats you, you're awesome!

Link to comment

I have really low self-esteem. Whenever I fail at perfection, I think "I'm such a bad person" or "I hate myself" or something similar. I have a hard time liking myself, much less loving myself, and I often question why people choose to associate with me. Mind you, I have mental illnesses - they might explain how I feel about myself. As sad as it sounds, my self-esteem is exponentially better than it used to be. I don't feel the visceral self-hatred I used to, I acknowledge that I'm a person, and I've gotten more assertive. I want to break out of this cycle and actually have a good relationship with myself. I'm just not sure how. I've tried so many thought-stopping techniques, have tried positive affirmations, have tried living a blameless life, and am on medication, and none of this has stopped that habitual thought-cycle. I'm hoping that surgery (to take care of residual dysphoria) and Emotions Anonymous will help change it. If not, I'm bring it back up in therapy.

I guess what I'm saying is that you're not alone with your low self-esteem and that there are many techniques that have helped people with this problem. Chances are, at least one of these techniques will work for you.

Before and during transition, I was fascinated with the mirror. I don't know why. I'd like to say it was because I was intrigued by that face which was not quite me and later the face that was becoming me, but I really am not sure. I know that I spend a lot less time looking in the mirror these days.

Link to comment

thanks sally i love you to

i duno i guess i dont love my body, im started to like bits of it though so im getting better

i like my arms, my tattoos, armpit hair! dont mind my legs.

oh and i got 3 chest hairs! woo hoo

Link to comment
Guest J-Walker

Anyone with low self esteem needs to listen to Sally. She knows what she's talking about.

I used to have REALLY bad low self esteem starting highschool. I was lucky enough to meet some great friends who helped me to be more comfortable with myself, and even without having started transition I felt a lot better with me.

Now, I have a tendency to just randomly say stuff like, "Yeah, I'm amazing like that." I do genuinely believe I'm amazing, but I usually don't say it with any depth- it's just a fact. I don't think I'm better than anyone (Well, some people XP) but it's more just that I have confidence. The things I know I'm really good at I tend to beat myself up more about because I also know I can do better. It's hard to explain. Let me give an example.

I am really into music. I have perfect pitch and I can compose an opus within a ten minute period. I flaunt this and know I'm great at it. When it comes to actually playing, however, I know I'm not as good. People who hear me always gasp and say "OMG wow" but I only hear the mistakes I make. Thus, I can be over confident to the point of being cocky and under confident to an almost unhealthy point about similar things.

Basically, once you start loving yourself everyone else can love you. It's the one lesson we have to keep being taught.

Link to comment

My self esteem use to be very, very low. In fact when I was younger I taught myself how to keep a straight look 247 and it stays with me now. People look at me and go "whats wrong?" when really it's nothing but my 'basic look even if I'm happy or sad'. I taught this to myself because adults and kids use to make fun of me and I needed someway to help bury and hide my thoughts even deeper. I hated myself and everyone around me.

This has changed however - since I met my S.O I softend up and since HRT I have been happy. My ego has gotten bigger because I'm seeing some stuff I'm good at for once. I'm content and worry less then I use to.

So I'd say my ego is pretty big now, but not big enough to always be confident. :lol:

Link to comment
.... i like my arms, my tattoos, armpit hair! dont mind my legs.

oh and i got 3 chest hairs! woo hoo

Ok, I thought I was the only one who liked their armpit hair :P

Dude, you just made me feel totally normal lol.

And you got 3 chest hairs ?? :o

I got nuffin (really) body wise, but a whole lot of "folicles" runnin down me that've shown up :mellow:

I dunno. I have a HUGE ego when I'm in my grandmother's mirror lol I dunno its just at her house. But then you would hear the "how can anybody be this fine (thats pronounced "fy-ione" at that time lol) and "lawd, mmph mmph mmph"s LOL But the rest of the time I'm just normal. On occasion I think I look like my uncle Johnny when I'm at home and thats a flattering thing but low self esteem? I dunno if I call it that. Certainly I have lots of times when I'm not as confident as I'd like to be (see, doesn't that sound better than "insecure" lol)or unquestioningly pretend to be. But I think thats "normal" too. I probably would have a breakdown if I couldn't "act" like I was 100% confident lol. I'm that kind. I'll be 5% sure but "need" to behave like 105% because feeling the uncertainty is what kills me. Knots in my stomach I can live with (this is how people end up with colitis.....I had it when I was 16) but not having the "facade" -or when something is too much for the facade- is right when I'm in anxiety /breakdown mode. I guess thats my example of needing and pretending to be "perfect" sometimes and its more prononced the more unsure.EVERYbody has failings. No one is Mr. or Ms. Cool all the time. Its just that some people use that for a coping mechanism. Do I not think there are better coping mechanisms? Yes. Acknowledging it is part of the cure but as to the "rest" I'm not sure what else.

Link to comment
Guest StrandedOutThere

I'm not sure, but I think my ego is kind of big. However, my self-esteem is pretty multidimensional. For example, in intellectual domains, I am a very, very cocky, arrogant dude. If we are talking about video games, I am similarly cocky. When my friends and I play Rock Band, I do really annoying things like play on "expert" but hold the guitar behind my back. I'm not good at any real instruments, just GH. Yes. I know how lame that is.

On the other hand, especially in settings where there are a lot of people, will often second guess myself to the point of ridiculousness. I am afraid of public speaking and won't ask questions in class or at talks. A lot of this was because I didn't like how my voice sounded. I'd think to myself "If I can't take myself seriously with this girl voice, how can anyone else?". Yeah. Since my voice has dropped, I've been a bit more vocal in class. I've yet to ask a question in a seminar though. That's way scary. Even though I feel better about my voice, I still don't like it when a bunch of people are paying attention to me.

With respect to sports and physical attractiveness, my self-esteem is very low. I get really self-conscious if I am playing sports. I'm afraid that people will think I run funny or I will do something stupid and get called a spazz. With physical appearance stuff, if I know people are looking at me, I get all anxious. Like, I know I have a bit of a tummy, so I try to wear clothes that hide it. I don't like to do things where people pay attention to what I'm wearing. In more "intimate" settings, I get all freaked out too. There is no arrogance there.

Since I started transitioning, my mirror time has increased by a factor of like....1000. For most of my life, I have completely avoided mirrors. I didn't really know why. I just did. I didn't like having them in my room and spent only minimal time looking at myself at other times. Not only did I not like mirrors, but I wouldn't allow people to take pictures or videos of me either. Seeing myself on film would freak me out because I couldn't believe the person in the picture was me. It didn't look right.

Lately I have been admiring myself in the mirror A LOT. I've also been letting people take pictures and have even let my mom film me over Thanksgiving. It isn't clear if this change in behavior is due to an increase in self-esteem, but I think it's likely. I think it will be a long time before I'm completely comfortable with myself.

To summarize... Dude, I don't know.

Link to comment

I'm far more okay with pictures than I used to be. I used to hate them and avoid them at all costs. Now I'm pretty good with them, though sometimes I'll resist out of habit.

Link to comment

I still cringe at pictures though not as badly as before. Before I would have threatened you with bodily harm for showing up with a camera. Ask several relatives. They still are "offended".

Link to comment
Guest Jackson

Very interesting topic.

I don't have a big ego. I do come off as very confident and self-confident which is so not the way I am inside. I have a much better self-esteem than I did, but I'm nowhere near fully happy with myself. Although, like Zabrak, I do have quite the poker face which has gotten worse since I've been on T. I've gotten a bit more serious than I used to be. And I don't talk as much but it doesn't have anything to do with my voice.

However, I still can't stand mirrors. It's getting a little better, but not much yet. So is this what I have to look forward to? :huh:

Link to comment
Guest MrAwesome
I still cringe at pictures though not as badly as before. Before I would have threatened you with bodily harm for showing up with a camera. Ask several relatives. They still are "offended".

personally I look too sexy not to have a picture taken of me, however LOL!!! ROFLMAO!! xD Dang that was funny to read... and it actually sounds like something I'd do... I'm a very "Proud" person... <.< >.> *innocent look* *nearly got thrown out of the fire company for tackling someone*

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 208 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Birdie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,085
    • Most Online
      8,356

    blakethetiredracc00n
    Newest Member
    blakethetiredracc00n
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. FullyHart
      FullyHart
    2. MariPosa
      MariPosa
      (65 years old)
    3. pechenezhka
      pechenezhka
      (17 years old)
    4. Rubycd
      Rubycd
      (59 years old)
    5. Yana
      Yana
      (31 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://watermarkonline.com/2024/05/13/trump-vows-to-reverse-transgender-student-protections-on-day-one/     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/mississippi-reeves-transgender-bathroom-ban-public-schools-rcna152036     As in every such case, who will check birth certificates at the restroom doors?  This law will not, and can not, stand.  We'll see you in court, governor.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      I've been looking forward to the legitimate medical groups coming out strongly against Cass' biased and one sided report, so I'm really glad to see the article you posted, @Davie.  Unfortunately, it won't get nearly the coverage that Cass has gotten.  She has done her dirty work.  Hopefully the pushback and investigative reports on her and her support network will result in her work being shown for what it is.  She is a fraud, and sooner or later all frauds are found out.   Carolyn Marie
    • KayC
      CONGRATULATIONS, Jessica!!  That's really BIG! I myself did not experience a huge emotional roller coaster.  It was more like a smooth slide into emotional comfort.  The biggest effect I felt is when my Dr put me on T-blockers first.  I felt a bit 'empty' for a couple of months, but then realized it was just because the 'T-monster' was no longer running around inside of me.  Then I felt it was my new 'normal'. I feel like the estradiol was the 'frosting' on my transition affirmation.  It's been only positives.  I do cry a lot more, but it's only because I finally feel free to allow my emotions to come out.  To me it's not 'hormonal' ... it's FREEDOM!   Everybody is different but it sounds like you are under great care.  I hope you have a beautiful first year in transition on HRT (keep us updated if you can).
    • Desert Fox
      Yeah, whatever happened to “good morning”?  I think “hey you” can also work to address people without offense…”you” can be single or plural so that works for any gender, non binary, or any group of people, and can be pleasantly offensive or neutral.   And I am very familiar with the experience of being “ma’amed” while in boy mode, particularly on the phone by customer support people located outside north America for some reason. 
    • KayC
      I'm hoping this election cycle might finally cause 'that' party to pay a price for such nonsense.
    • Desert Fox
      So nice to hear things are going well for you. Support is huge and that is especially great when it comes from your SO as well as your family and son. I think being happy with one’s own life’s direction can set the stage for not only other successes but attract others who are in alignment with one’s own ideals. it sounds like you are definitely on a positive trajectory!
    • Desert Fox
      There is some progress being made, some positive awakening from those who understand the difference between biology and the societal roles and rules that have been created by humans to separate, restrict and control other humans. Unfortunately so many people are still set in one way of thinking about gender, whether it benefits them directly to do so or they just fail to think about things for themselves for whatever reason, and they often cite religious or other historical sources to try to back up their argument, sources which typically could be open to various interpretations.   Pushing boundaries is what makes progress and it’s what we are meant to do…but most everyone that has pushed a boundary also gets pushback. Most everyone who has disagreed with conventional thought is called a fool or worse; those who invent something get ridiculed and laughed out, then their ideas are stolen for someone else’s profit. We suffer tremendously to push boundaries but ultimately it’s what society needs to evolve.
    • Ashley0616
      Goodness! You sure have been busy! That's really crappy of what your oldest pulled. That part about the talking about getting asked if it's an enhancement was funny. I guess your boss is going to miss you and just has a funny way of showing it? 
    • Desert Fox
      I read this thread with great interest…thank you, Sally for sharing your life in this detail. As I too identify as bigender, I suppose I am also looking for validation of my experience because I don’t know many transgender individuals that stay in a long-term part-time situation. For most, bigender seems to be a temporary step to fill-time transition or it is more of something someone puts on, as in cross dressing or drag. I have always struggled to explain how someone could legitimately have two identities sharing one body, yet that’s basically how it has been for me for my whole life, all the way back to early childhood.    You and I are roughly in the same era, and growing up with gender variance was different than it is nowadays. Some of our experiences were similar, but generally your life went quite differently than mine.   Back in the day, a part-time person was called a transvestite and a full-timer was called a transsexual (often committing to bottom surgery as well), but I’ve really come to dislike the cross dresser/transvestite label because it tends to be associated with those who are fine with being cis, but like to dress in drag for fun or fetish. And that doesn’t describe all part-timers. I would say that I’m actually a transsexual who chose never to transition, and presenting female part-time is how I have coped with lifelong gender dysphoria. I don’t like myself being male, and never did, I simply accept that I am and have lived most of my life that way and just don’t care to put in the effort and money to transition.  I’m naturally a pretty girly male but I have to add hair, makeup and clothing to present female and I also try to “tone down” my girliness in male form. True androgyny never worked for me; I always switched between male and female looks, but at least that allowed me to use public bathrooms without issue.     I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. 
    • mattie22
      I feel like a fake sometimes I am not really transfeminine WELL UNDER THEAT UMBRALA but whatever i call it. Like i do not deserve it others know ealer than me and did not identify as their gender at birth well It is more like just enough of me did to get by growing up and there were not many other options on what else i could be and when i got older i just found out about the standard trans people feel like they're born in the wrong body and i saw my self as a male so this could not be me even though it did not comply fit me. even though there is a part of me that likes to be seen and treated like a woman and ideally would probably like to live at least 70 percent of my time as one and perhaps the rest as male but what does this make a freak. also, I am around people who do not like people like me and they are family and do not know. this makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I wonder if I m just some gnc male, who is just using this as an escape if I become a woman for real I do not have to deal with all the crap that comes with being a feminine bisexual male. There are so many layers.
    • MaeBe
      I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million! I'm sure, even beyond the courtier's interactions it was a very fun evening.
    • MaeBe
      I haven't been posting much, it's been a bit of a whirlwind: My wife took a job in WA State, meaning we're moving halfway across the country by the end of the Summer. I was told "it would be good if you had a new job by the end of the month", meaning I'm getting laid off at the same time. My eldest snuck booze while we were at our friends' house, had a bad interaction with his anti-depressants, and then had the huevos to lie that he wasn't drunk while accusing us of not trusting him. There's been a lot to process lately.   That said, I got called ma'am for the first time today while out. Twice! I can't stop thinking about it. Later, my dad showed up without plan to watch the Liverpool match and I was way more girled up (see ma'am) than he's ever seen me; hair, makeup, tight top, skinny jeans, and brand new sandals. At one point he pointed at my boob and asked, "is that 'enhancement'?". If you call a t-shirt bra enhancement, I guess? "Nope, that's just me!". Later, my boss came at me all passive-aggressive via chat after hours, too. I'm kind of tired with his -crap-. I won't have a job in two weeks, so it's cool to just assume I'm sabotaging things? K. /eyeroll   It's been an interesting day.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 12   “First Kiss”   It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun.    My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?”    “Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”   My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!   Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered.    The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested.    Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.”    It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised.    I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Ivy
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...