Am I welcome in AA meetings as a transgender alcoholic?

[Michelle 2010]

I thought I would share my experiences recently...

Lately I have been attending open discussion meetings in nearby cities while shopping, day tripping and such. These are meetings I never attended before nor do I know a soul there, other than whichever friend is with me that day. I'm happy to report here that my acceptance has been all I could hope for.

I dress appropriate for a lady my age and standing. I don't try to be a Diva, a Vamp or glamorous or trashy. I claim my seat by entering the room, finding an empty seat, preferably near another woman. I usually have a man or woman friend with me, though I don't think it makes a difference in the way I am received. I introduce myself to who ever is seated nearby. I make steady eye contact and smile. I am confident i belong there since the third tradition states that "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking"... I enjoy the meeting and am usually asked if I am new to AA or a visitor. I have never had anyone ever say anything inappropriate or unkind. I may notice a few curious glances from women and longer ones from men, but never frowns or disapproval. When I am comfortable with myself, people seem comfortable around me. I smile, they smile back...

If I was new to AA I think I would be just as welcome though my pain would probably be visible. From what I have seen, i think I would be welcome.

I think it is much easier to attend meetings where I am not known that it has been coming out in AA in my local groups. At new meetings there is no "previous me" to compare to who i am now. I highly recommend that trans people in recovery or who think they may need AA please consider claiming your seat at any meeting. When you are a new person with no historical "baggage", I think it is really pretty straightforward to go to meetings and be comfortable.

At my skype and Sunday night chat meeting I know people have shared reluctance to attend meetings that were not lgbt. I thought I would share this to provide encouragement to those that are considering meetings...

Others here might want to share for the benefit of the many who read but do not post...

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest Angel Heart]

yes definitely! you are welcome anywhere, really. i don't really ever identify as transsexual anymore. i'm just a girl.

i don't need to stick with lgbt meetings strictly, in fact i don't like being identified as lgbt by others. just not my thing

i attended aa for a short while and was widely accepted, though i never stated my gender problems.

another thing i'm doing right now is women's trauma meetings. no one knows, but i don't think they would have a problem with it. but i don't want them to know, because i am me. that's all that is important

[Guest]

Good for you Accalia! Yes you are just a girl. A wonderful girl. To quote you; "I don't need to stick with lgbt meetings strictly, in fact i don't like being identified as lgbt by others. just not my thing." I feel exactly the same way. I love to run meeting halls all over the valley. I meet a huge amount of new friends, then they pop up everywhere on the street. "Hey Jody do you remember me from the XYZ meeting?" That is so heart warming to me. I'm not tooting my horn about my popularity, I am only sharing that loving and living the program, using our warm smile and charm to disarm will get us welcomed and remembered. I do LGBT meetings with no troubles, but so do many other straight people. There arn't that many meetings locally so I am not an LGBT regular. I want to be accepted by my gender, not on a basis of whatever they think my sexual preference might be? Going to all types of meetings keeps them guessing. Giggle.

Michelle, I sing from your choir! To share one of my little heartaches, I met a gal in my gender support group that I liked, we became friends. I found her at my local LGBT meeting that I loved because I could dress and be me long before I was brave enough to be me on a daily basis. It was a delightful surprise. We got closer and did things together in the program. She commented about how many friends I have, though I tried many times to get her to run the meeting halls with me. She refuses to go to any meeting other that LGBT. As I slip into my female role gracefully she seens resentful that I am not militant AA, Militant LGBT and or militant Trans. I seem to be some type turn coat because I identify as intersexed which I am. My heart is heavy because I like her and have always wanted to share with her what I have found. It seems out friendship is lost to bitterness. I hope others will not give up trying to find the very best people in the AA program in all walks of life. No, we cannot win all of them over directly, yet other can win some for us.

When we come out as ourselves in the program, and we talk to that next person in the chairs, they come away with an opinion, "hey they are a lot like me..." And yes we are! We just need to show our love of humanity, the rest will come shining through on both sides of the street. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

[Charlize]

Thank you for this topic Michelle. The third tradition created a new world for me. I had my first experience as myself at a women's meeting out of town. I dressed and went. I introduced myself and had a nice reception. The topic of the meeting was honesty! I spoke and i spoke about who i was and how i needed sobriety but i also needed to be me. I cried. Instead of the harsh worlds i was afraid of i was hugged and given encouragement. That group of women changed my life. Their acceptance gave me the courage i needed to be myself. I started going to an LGB meeting. They were accepting but didn't really understand. It has become one of my home groups. About a year ago the group decided it was time to add a T. We are now a LGBT meeting. I am usually the only trans person there but have many dear friends. They offered me the support i needed when i came out to my home group. I was accepted and hugged there as well. I have been going to meetings as a woman at home and on trips and have yet to have anything but acceptance. Their may be some looks but the third tradition was written because a trans African american went to an early meeting in the 30's. The third tradition was created. She broke the ice for all of us. I now find the rooms a perfect place for folks to learn that we are as human as cis people are. Maybe AA's acceptance will spread.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

What wonderful stories ladies

I was looking for an old topic to resurrect and notice the number of views on the coming out topics. Clearly their is alot of interest from guests and trans people who don't post here. I feel it is very important that we, as trans people, absolutely know we can enter the rooms of AA and be accepted. I didn't believe that early in my transition and was fearful. So yesterday I wanted to created topic that others can see who are just passing through LP and help them overcome the fear i had... Because I think the fear and concern is natural for any alcoholic and likely moreso for transgender alcoholics.

For me there has been a big difference in going to meetings where people know me versus where they don't and I would encourage ANY TG alcoholic to go to meetings somewhere if they need help, even if it is an area where they don't know people because.... If you are an alcoholic of my type... ya just can't do it on your own...

I am looking forward to going to more out of town meetings as well. Its kind of fun at this point I am ready for that womens meeting too charlie!!! I'll let you know how it goes...

Maybe people with questions will also chime in... thanks girls for supporting the topic! I think its an important one!!!

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest]

What wonderful stories ladies

I was looking for an old topic to resurrect and notice the number of views on the coming out topics. Clearly their is alot of interest from guests and trans people who don't post here. I feel it is very important that we, as trans people, absolutely know we can enter the rooms of AA and be accepted. I didn't believe that early in my transition and was fearful. So yesterday I wanted to created topic that others can see who are just passing through LP and help them overcome the fear i had... Because I think the fear and concern is natural for any alcoholic and likely moreso for transgender alcoholics.

For me there has been a big difference in going to meetings where people know me versus where they don't and I would encourage ANY TG alcoholic to go to meetings somewhere if they need help, even if it is an area where they don't know people because.... If you are an alcoholic of my type... ya just can't do it on your own...

I am looking forward to going to more out of town meetings as well. Its kind of fun at this point I am ready for that womens meeting too charlie!!! I'll let you know how it goes...

Maybe people with questions will also chime in... thanks girls for supporting the topic! I think its an important one!!!

Hugs

Michelle

Should I send you a meeting list? Oh and tell me when to pick you up at the airport. Giggle. Hug. We'll keep the coffee hot. JodyAnn

[Michelle 2010]

I think what I have learned from my experience, JodyAnn, is that those cowboys and ruffnecks are probably more accepting than I ever thought... Now about those Gila Monsters, sidewinder rattlesnakes, javelinas and scorpions.... Oh! and will I have to break open cacti to get water when the cisterns are running low? I'm afraid your climate just may my mind....

But with you there to be Thelma, maybe I can be Louise... Lets just not run our AA party car of a cliff ok?

Hug{s}

Michelle

[Guest]

I think what I have learned from my experience, JodyAnn, is that those cowboys and ruffnecks are probably more accepting than I ever thought... Now about those Gila Monsters, sidewinder rattlesnakes, javelinas and scorpions.... Oh! and will I have to break open cacti to get water when the cisterns are running low? I'm afraid your climate just may my mind....

But with you there to be Thelma, maybe I can be Louise... Lets just not run our AA party car of a cliff ok?

Hug{s}

Michelle

Well girl friend we even have running water, indoor Ladies rooms and hot and cold running cowboys! LOL! Cowgirls only in the Ladies room of course. All the AA meetings are on safe level ground with ample level parking so we don't have to drive off a cliff to get to our seats. Giggle.

Speaking of cowboys, OH NO she's going to share her cowboy story! I changed cities, changed AA groups, got very active. I met a met a fellow in my group that more than quaifies as the craggy old cowboy type. Handsome, weathered and about my age. You can bet I was gunshy when I met him. We also have a smoking section outside the hall that has lots of seats under a cabana, piknic tables and such, that usually becomes the meetings after the meeting. This fellow has always been nice to me, we had a few conversations once in a while, but mainly he has alway quietly watching me interact with my girl friends, usually girl gabbing, sometimes with me in tears too. I could not read him because he was quiet with a poker face. So be it, he seems safe enough.

Last night I chaired my 8:00pm meeting and after all the ladies and gents, including me, were smoking and talking around the circle. One by one each bid good night until he and I were the only ones left. We started talking program and WOW did my Higher Power show up. Through him, finding out he has a program and a ministy we had a very engaging three hour conversation about addiction, program, steps, rocketed into the forth dimension and how to stay there. Prayer and meditation, how steps relate to the Bible, we were really on the same page. Forth step, fifth step, our trials along the way in recovery. The stars shined bright as the clock effortlessly kept spinning away. It was a great meeting of three, Me, My Higher Power and Him. By observing me, he read me so well, talk about God just in time! He also helped me as I have been going through some rough times the last few weeks.

All my girl friends that can listen, love me and hug me. And this guy, that I would have never known to ask for help, or trust to even begin to understand. I take back everything I ever said negatively about cowbows in thirty two years. Do I suddenly trust cowboys, mmmm... not really, I'm a city girl. But this guy is a gem! I'm glad God put him in my life.

So if you decide to come out West, we will roll back the desert sand and cactus, lay out a beautiful carpet of cities, never seen in western movies and turn you on to some of the best AA on the planet! Well in my totally biased opinion of course. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest Kael147]

Hello friends of Bill W.,

Since my transition I haven't attend a meeting. The meeting that I used to go to was a "professionals" group that was even more anonymous than AA. To become a member you have to contact the AA Central and ask about a professional group and then you have to speak with a member and only when they are satisfied that you belong to a "profession" then you are given the address and times. The group is smallish, 10 - 12 regulars and then some interlopers.

I took to going to "on-line" meetings. E-AA was my favorite and I made some good connections with people, but no one "knows" me anymore so I stopped even going online. I can't say I've been totally upset about not going to meetings because I have very limited time, so this was probably as good of an excuse as any, but I do miss the fellowship and taking that hour to reflect on how alcohol has affected my life over the years. Anyway, just saw the post so I thought I would check in and say hi. Have a happy 24.

Kael

[Guest erinanita]

I went back to the program last week after several years absence during my transition. I never gave much thought to lgbt meetings because even though I do participate in other lgbt and Pride Centre events I want to be able to blend in with the general population. I know from experience that I fit in better in the female population than with the men. I want to find new friends in the program and grow in my sobriety.

I joined a group and now have a female sponsor. This group is very much oriented to tradition #3 and also to service work. They have a temporary sponsor program, so last night I met my temporary sponsor. She accepted me immediately and we met this afternoon for a visit. We talked about my transition and about the intersex condition that I have, the life that that I've lived before and since my transition. it might work into a permanent situation and it might not. But for now I need someone to keep in touch and call or text me if I drift away from meetings.

I went back to the same area that I had been going to meetings in early in my sobriety. I was talking with oldtimers that I went to meetings with well before i ever thought about transitioning, and I was talking as if I was still the same old me. It must have been confusing to them but I'm not trying to hide. Nobody remembered me anyways.

I know now that I need to work to stay close to my higher power and work towards having some of my shortcomings and defects of character removed. I'm becoming acutely aware as I'm meeting with some of my relatives for the first time after transition that some of my actions can make it impossible for them to accept my new gender.

Hugs to all,

Erin