Hi, I'm an alcoholic, my problem is Jody!

[Guest]

That for a long time has been my standard introduction at my AA meetings, so that will do for now.

Well folks little Miss JodyAnn has a burr under her tale! OK so the topic of this meeting here is not serenity. Giggle.

The topic is disrespecting men in the program that cannot or refuse to treat women as ladies. Grrr... So I also have preface that in recovery we have many paradoxes, we cease fighting everyone and everything, yet we are not supposed to lay down and be door matts to our oppressors. Love and acceptance is our code. OK that is for the most part my daily MO. My smiles show it!

I have this past week, with the help of my girl friends and gentlemen that support me are not putting up with a few of my detractors male bovine fecal matter. These are guys that for the most part I like, don't want to be close friends with, but they have space in the meeting hall to claim their own. I have boundries though and these few have reached the end of my limits. Hmm... maybe it's my hormones that causes the rage. Just a few examples, these are men my age, not school boys.

Example one: This person and I have had good recovery conversations after the meetings in the smoking area outside. He keeps calling me these annoying little pet names such as Joe D and others. I have asked him three times to stop, it is annoying and hurtful. A few days ago he continued and in the circle of friends I had enough. I took off on a shreaking, crying bout of demanding he stop in front of others. Oops. I didn't mean to embarrass him, well yes I did. My bad. I made my ammends later publicly and privately I think we are OK. He made ammends too and stated that he thought he was being funny and really wanted to be my friend. We'll try that.

Next up to the plate: Mister Manley Man that has never acknowledged me as female. He's OK too, but it is apparent that I cannot possibly be a girl, I'm not attractive enough and don't have the right parts for him to sex me. Okey Dokey... I get a lot of that from men that, I think, feel they can outwordly treat me how they may feel about all women secretly inside. Just a hunch... So anyway as he was chairing a very large meeting. I spoke the very same time someone else did. Mr. Man turned to the guy and he said "He" meaning me was first. One gentleman supporter of mine rose up out of his chair pointing at him and shouted, "You call her she! She is a lady!" Whew, blew my skirt up... I found out later that he had drounded out three other women singing the same phrases like a chorus. Mr Man had a new shade of red on his face.

OK let me wrap up my share: Last night at the candle light meeting another fellow that thinks he can joke at my expense, chairing the meeting delights in asking if there are out of town visitors, then says are there any out of planet visitors, always looking and laughing at me. He thinks it's funny, not so it hurts. I did not react at that moment. Later one young fellow commented in his share and stated that in the beginning of his getting sober, things I shared were instrumental to him getting the program. Wow thanks.

Then I ws tagged by him to speak. My HP gave me a new introduction that I may use for a while until the boys get saturated by it. Hi, I'm JodyAnn, alcoholic from venus, please don't mistake me as a martian. I think one by one they are getting their behinds chewed by other members too, but progess not perfection comes painfully slow. Oops my three minutes are up, please share your experiances strengths and hopes, with that I will pass.

[Guest Maria_B]

I commend you for being able to conduct yourself with so much tact and grace with the people giving you trouble. Hopefully the first person really did mean what he said, and will try better in the future. Glad to see others have your back too. Comes with the territory of such a friendly personality

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Jody,

I feel terrible how you were/are being treated without Respect at AA.

"progess not perfection comes painfully slow" I hope that this changes to from slow to fast.

I feel that being an alcohol abuser trying to stay sober is Difficult without the added pressures of being Disrespected at AA Meetings.

Please try and not let these people deter you from staying sober.

You are Stronger then they are.

Hugs,
Carla

[Michelle 2010]

I have said this at meetings:

"It's recommended that we look to people who have what we want and do what they do... The people who have what I want laugh in meetings, but not at other people's expense. Their humor is usually directed at their own human foibles, not other people's...."

Or:

"I've noticed that those who have what I want believe in a loving god. They laugh often... their humor is directed at themselves, usually to illustrate a message of recovery..."

and if they are a real pain in the butt.... "which Step does ridiculing members tie into?"

I don't encounter many of the types you are referring to, but lets face it, "we are not Saints"

As far as I am concerned the last example you are giving is actually bullying and is worthy of the last reply I posted.

Hugs

Michelle

[Charlize]

Jody dear one, i'm sorry that you are facing such a group of difficult men. I have been so fortunate that i haven't run into that kind of person. The closest i came was my 1st sponsor who decided he would continue to use my male name for months. He simply refused to call me Charlie and use the right pronoun. Fortunately he was a good sponsor in many ways and i was able to be honest with him about how he was hurting me without loosing my top. The serenity prayer was critical. Otherwise in my home group i have had no other problems. I make a point of not trying to be stealth if i think being out might help others who are having trouble being honest with their 4th and 5th steps. Being yourself helps the others to be the same i'm sure. Unfortunately even though some can be hateful or inconsiderate they have also earned a seat. You handled yourself so well and thanks for sharing.

Hugs,

Charlie