You'd Think It Would Wear Off

[JJ]

It seems like eventually all this will become just old stuff for me. Part of my past rather than the present to some extent but it doesn't.

This feeling that still sweeps over me now and then of "I DID IT!" "It WORKED!!' amazement. How unbelievable and fantastic and beyond words .

Every day and hour of my life now is a gift I never expected to have. My most secret and greatest wish come true and real.

I live my life as a man now and find it beyond any expectation or dream. I never really believed I could on some level but knew I had to try. That it was worth the effort.

Go for it if transitioning is what you need to do. Go slowly and go carefully because it is worth doing right. It can be done-few could be more unlikely than me to succeed I think. I still can't find any record of anyone succeeding at the changes I made at my age but if I had let that stop me I would have missed really living.

A couple of days ago my SIL jumped all over me when I mentioned my arms being a little sore with a tirade about being too old to be a body builder and needing to realize it was impossible for me (He has always taken great pride in his muscles and mine are twice as big because he doesn't work out. We are almost the same size in height and build otherwise). I just told him -truthfully-I have no desire to be a body builder but just to be the best I can be and do what I can. But it made me think-I have already done what the Drs said was impossible-got out of bed after 3 years. Lost 200 lbs and transitioned and been accepted for myself in an uber conservative and fundamentalist area. There is no limit in what I might be able to accomplish if I want to do so.

But I didn't do it alone. Without Laura's and my Creator I would have been long gone by now. I am such a very blessed man.

Wow! It really happened.

Johnny

[Charlize]

Johnny, i just want to reach out and hug you. You have a wonderful way of expressing so much. The power of change and the fact we can live beyond our dreams. Not easy but possible. That and the way we don't get here without some help from others, so true. It took me 63 years to find the honesty and get past the fear that had kept me from being myself. Laura's had much to do with that. My higher power did the rest and with that kind of help and support the impossible was possible.

Thank you for your post.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest ChefErik93]

I agree with charlie, you have a way with words johnny. I am so happy that you are happy and it is wonderful to see someone who has transitioned living a full and complete life. It gives me hope that I too could be this happy in my own skin one day. congratulations

[Carolyn Marie]

You have achieved some remarkable changes, Johnny. None of it is magic. It was done largely through your own efforts, will power, strength of character, and determination. Yes, HRT has done its work, but it didn't take off those 200 pounds, it didn't get you out of bed, it didn't build your amazing physique, and it didn't send you into the woods for your daily hikes and into the lake for your swims. You did it all. You're an inspirational, amazing, and lovely man, Johnny. Here's to you!!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

You are a great salesman for transition Johnny. Just reading it is so easy to see how those who haven't are missing out on. Not only that you are an excellent model how to do it and be successful.

And as so often I hear from others, it is always totally worth it no matter what the losses are.

[JJ]

Actually I can't say it is always worth the losses. Each person has to make that decision.

I will say that sometimes we also lose what we are holding on to by trying to live and be what we are not. Have seen here many episodes when someone decided to back off for the sake of their spouse and children only to be posting within a few weeks about depression and self harm. So yes-I believe in transition where possible. But not gung ho transition and I never ever say that it is something everyone can and should do. This is my experience. And I am saying that if you are driven it can can work out beyond dreams or expectations.

There are risks.( I did lose 2 sisters-who I came to realize were toxic influences in my life anyway. I could salvage those relationships now and choose not to do so.) You CAN lose it all. Either way in fact. I was blessed. And lucky. I offer no apologies either way.

Johnny

[Guest]

Hi Johnny,

I remember back when you were accepting of your trans condition, but nearly certain that you couldn't transition. And then you found a way. It is amazing where you've come. You should be an inspiration and an answer to anyone who says they can't. "Can't" doesn't seem to fit in your vocabulary?

You've every right to marvel at how far you've come. And, I'm so glad that you found the Playground! You've been able to find yourself here, and you've helped so many others do the same, myself included.

Thank you, Johnny!

Love, Megan

[Guest]

You are an inspiration to all of us here, Johnny.

I agree, transitioning is not for everybody and there is a price for us to pay when we do choose to do so.

Also transitioning is not a cure all either. But damn it feels good when it's part of your Journey.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest DianeATL]

Johnny,

Great post, thank you. You absolutely should be proud of yourself, your accomplishments are amazing and an inspiration to those of us looking at a transition later in life. I am so pleased that you are happy, that's the real goal, transitioning is just a step towards achieving it.

big hugs,

Diane

[Guest Mia J]

Johnny,

Thank you for being here. Your determination and your transition is an inspiration to all of us. You have overcome so many things that many of us have not had to and you are proof that we can all get to the point where we are happy with who we are.

Mia

[Guest LizMarie]

I think Johnny is proof that if you need to transition, you can. Don't let anyone say otherwise. It's up to you.

Whether someone needs to transition or not is a very personal choice, and not necessarily an easy choice either. There are potentially considerable tradeoffs in transitioning, not all of them positive, but for those of us who need to make that happen, Johnny is proof that it can happen, despite some of the most difficult circumstances.

[JJ]

Thank you so much everyone. To be told I have inspired amazing people whom I so admire is beyond words.

For me it is not about my accomplishments though I am proud of them but the enduring wonder of it all. That it is not only possible but so fulfilling. Far from perfect and there are many things I would change but still so much better than anything I really could have foreseen.

You have all taught me so much about the beauty and wondrous possibilities inherent in the human spirit.

Thank you!

Johnny

[Drea]

I am certainly not amazing so please don't apply that to me.

As far as those who say it is so worth it, I was just quoting others.

But I am sure you didn't mean to suggest that for those who need to transition there was any loss that wasn't worth it cause that would infer that if the loss was greater than the value that there wasn't the need.

[Guest Opal]

Hi Johnny,

I remember that we both joined Laura's not too far apart, and we were fortunate to have those who inspired us, and led us to believe in ourselves. You have contributed so much of yourself, and we are all the better for your efforts. May you keep on being the awesome man you are, and I know you will continue to support others here in their journeys.

Hugs,

Opal

[Bulldog1948]

That's spelled- BLESSED

[JJ]

Drea I won't be baited into a debate or a flame war here. I prefer to keep this thread what it was meant to be-a celebration of joy. I do ask that you not keep telling me what I mean and putting words in my mouth. Thank you. How you value yourself is your choice-I tend to see anyone who has survived being trans and still manages to reach out to others as amazing. Only you can determine whether that applies.

Thank you Opal . You make me blush but I have been helped far more than I could ever get back. - I well remember those early days and was so happy to see you return.

Bulldog you have it exactly right.

Johnny