Hello All

[Guest JCinDenver]

Where to start...

I'm 45, married to a wonderful wife (5th anniversery soon). I have known since probably 5 or so that the gender god's slipped up. I've kept most of this to myself all of my life. I was married to my daughters mother for 13 yrs. Got divorced in 1998. She knew of my CD desires, but we never push the enveope very far. I dated off & on for 6 years. Some I shared CD desires with, but not with most. My wife & I did couseling after I started taking hormones. I was ready to change everything. Between the counselor & my wife I have decided to remain genitic male on HRT. I've been on HRT for just over 2 yrs. Being a late starter, I'm maybe a full A. My face has changed the most. I've lost over 20lbs during the transition. So most people attribute the changes to weight loss. I'm only 5'8 so it's easier for me than someone who's 6' or taller. I've had long hair for may years now, but now it's quite blonde. I get mam'd a few times a week & when my wife & I go to diner it's often "Hi ladies". This is just jeans & sweat shirts! I now witha little makeup, a little stuffing, & the right clothes, passing wouldn't be a problem. One year of laser didn't hurt (well mybe my Visa hurt).

So the problem is this, I'm self employeed, have been in my line of work for 25 yrs. I have hundreds of customers that I've known for many years. Would I torpedo my business & my income?? My wife might stay, there are no for sures there. I just can't be sure. My daughter is 22 & lives on her own. What a curve ball that would be. My passion is drag racing. You know those long skinny cars with little front tires & super wide back tires. All my friends are my racing buddies. Now thats a male oriented sport.

I feel going any further could lead to what I call "scorched earth". So here I am somewhere in the middle.

JC

[Sally]

Well, JC,

Come on in and sit down, let me offer you some hot cocoa and cookies.

I also am self employed and have the same concerns, mind if I sit here too?

There is so much to think about and so much to lose, but you have to think about what you have to gain, yourself.

I was married for a little over five years and when I came out my wife left.

I have accepted that as a price for becoming Sally and I would pay it again.

You are very important and no one should keep you from becoming you.

I had a teacher who was a Genetic Female and she was a drag racer in the 60s.

you don't have to give up everything, but unfortunately we don't get to pick and chose, the decisions are made by the others in our lives.

Well, I'm going to go back to the moderator's room and see what's up, you just wait here and some more nice people will come by to visit.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Zabrak]

Welcome to Laura's Playground, JCinDenver.

Sadly, I'm most likely not going to say what you want to hear but you can't know whats going to happen. Some people are open minded and stay with you for your work well others are close minded and those are the ones you will loose. It's your choice but there will always be risks. Although, even if I think the risks are worth being yourself, it really is a personal choice of whoever is comming out. There is no pressure to do it if you don't want too.

[Guest Jackson]

Just wanted to say welcome. Everyone around here is kind and helpful.

I don't know if I can help at all since I am not self-employed and going the other direction. My main hobby was already a male-dominated hobby and it didn't seem to matter much to anyone.

Anyway, welcome.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

I had a similar thing but thought I was just a cross dresser - bzuuuut - no, diagnsed pure MTF transexual. But I've really suspected my entire life. Wife one died in childbirth (my daughter survived), wife two I confessed to her about crossdressing - gone pecan, wife three - ten years married - she finds out, I go to therapy - bamm = a really interesting time since diagnosis, but will stay - SRS miht chase her off- wait and see thing. So i am on HRT - and transitioning - give me a few years and I will be complete. I am older and have retired once, but have a good job. Just outed to them and they say I can stay - whewwwww. And my three children are grown. I was like you - waffle-ing all over the place.

you will have to search in your heart for an answer - one that includes ONLY YOU, - no wife, no job, no clients. What do you have to do to be happy?

Then go from there,

Sounds so simple doesn't it? Probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do!

Welcome to Laura's and post us when you need an ear - we are so non-judgemental - wow.

Lizzy

Oh - don't worry about changing what you like to do - do it no matter what gender you are presenting as - nobody will think the less of you for it.

[Guest JCinDenver]

Thank you all so very much. I know will all of your help I might be able to sort things out. I do believe I'll go all the way (SRS), I just am not in a rush to get there. I'm sure my family will come around when the time comes. I must admit that since being on HRT, the calmness that I feel inside gives me great comfort. I started yoga & tai chi a year ago. My blood pressure when I was 175lbs in 2006 peaked at 140/100. Now its 110/80. It will be so nice to compare notes on the whole experience with others in the same boat.

Looking forward to getting to know all of you!

JC

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thank you all so very much. I know will all of your help I might be able to sort things out. I do believe I'll go all the way (SRS), I just am not in a rush to get there. I'm sure my family will come around when the time comes. I must admit that since being on HRT, the calmness that I feel inside gives me great comfort. I started yoga & tai chi a year ago. My blood pressure when I was 175lbs in 2006 peaked at 140/100. Now its 110/80. It will be so nice to compare notes on the whole experience with others in the same boat.

Looking forward to getting to know all of you!

JC

WOW on the BP!

Is it the HRT? I was a chronic 140/90 to a better 135/88 range at 236 pounds - even at age 18 and 140 pounds- last check up after 2 months HRT? 120/70 at 194 pounds - lowest EVER! - I told everyone it is the HRT. No one believes!

It might just be the resolution and a sense of peace... ahhhhhhhh

Me? SRS - I was in denial for a long while - look at the 'two wishes' posting - EVERYONE wishes for SRS - it is so sad. We are desparate creatures we transgendered... glad you are posting. We LIKE people who post (and you who don't too) - you understand - we need EVERYONE's imput.

Lizzy