I'm so confused about who I really am

[Guest darklord4878]

I'm so confused I just don't even know... let me start from the beginning. I'm 17 now, born a male, I'm attracted to females, and I've only recently started having feelings of gender dysphoria this strongly. When I was little I always wanted to switch bodies with other girls, (I mean when I was like in preschool) but I kind of passed it off as just a fetish. As I grew older, I wondered what it was like on the other side; on the girl's side. However, I never crossdressed (well, I didn't do it very often), never applied makeup, never wanted or even thought about being called by a different name, etc. I've always (and I DO mean always) have been jealous of girl's lifestyle, and what THEY can do and what's expected of THEM and how THEY'RE treated, as opposed to what MALES can do and what's expected of MALES and how THEY'RE treated. Girls get treated more gently, softly... males get treated "tough". I was never tough. I'm not tough. I never liked sports or roughhousing, or anything like that. However, I never liked playing with dolls either. When I was around 2-5ish I actually put on girl's clothing such as dresses and such, but didn't think much of it when I was older. Now, at 17, I find myself wanted to BE a girl. I want EVERYTHING they have, I want how close they can be with girlfriends, how they can call eachother "girlfriends", I want to apply and ENJOY makeup, I want a guy to give ME attention, I want to be looked at and treated as a girl. My friends say I changed so much from last year, that some don't even know me anymore. It's a really weird feeling. I HATE being called "sir" or "man" when I'm at work, and I think the work GUY is SUCH an ugly work, and it's a REALLY ugly word to describe me. I really, REALLY hate being called a "guy". A lot. When my friends that are girls call me "girl", however, it doesn't bother me as much, but it is still slightly uncomfortable for some reason. I really don't know if I'm transgender or not, but when I really think about it I love everything about being a girl and I hate everything about being a guy, so what's holding me back? I seriously don't know. I don't know if I'm transgender or not, and I'm scared that I might not be, even thought I want to be a girl so bad. I'm just really confused. I don't know what the answer is, but I know what I want the answer to be. Sorry for the lengthy post, I just need other's opinions on this. When you transitioned, were you still not 100% sure? Was your experience similar to mine in any way? Did you go back and forth before/during transition? I just really need some answers. I'm currently seeing a gender therapist and he seems to think that I am, but I'm still not 100% sure. What do you all think?

[Guest Opal]

Hello, and welcome to Laura's! Nice to have you join here. Yes, it is quite common to not be sure about what one's path is going to be. Transgender encompasses quite a range and quite a spectrum. Please make yourself at home, and meet some of the nice people here.

We do ask that you read the Terms and Conditions link found at the bottom right corner of each Forum page. It allows our younger members to participate here.

You are not alone, and hope you will continue to post as you are comfortable in doing so.

Huggs,

Opal

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's dear. I certainly cannot answer your question, only you can do that. We all have different paths and each has it's rewards and difficulties. Your feelings and experiences lead me to think that you might benefit from seeing a Gender Therapist (GT). They are trained to help sort out gender issues.

Other wise reading an posting here has helped me and many others. It is great to have a place to vent with others who share similar concerns. Enjoy and please concentrate on school more than anything else. The other issues work themselves out. You have time but school is so important to your future trans or not.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Rebecca A]

Welcome to Laura's. I'm sure you will find open and accepting people here, and will find a lot of useful information. I mean I think like you're saying it's important to ask these questions and get everything in order before you make a life changing decision. You may find yourself being more of an androgynous person then a male or female, gender is a sliding scale and there are many points in-between it's not always as black and white as people like to assume.

[Guest DianeATL]

Welcome, I know you will find great information and helpful people here.

Actually one of your comments about being attracted to females hit home for me. It wasn't really until this year that it clicked that Gender and sexual attraction are two different things. I couldn't put myself into a trans category because I was attracted to women. Once I understood that they were independent traits I had the ah ha moment and that opened up the possibility of being trans for me.

And the rest is rapidly becoming history.

Hugs,

Diane

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Being confused is VERY common.

This link may help you with some of your questions.

I Think I Might Be Transgender, Now What do I Do? (PDF)

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=731&Itemid=177http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Story?id=3088298&page=1#.Ud8yuVXD_IU

As was posted earlier, take your time. There is NO timeline when OR if you should Transition.

You will know when the time is right.

Also, you are 17, so I assume that you are still being supported by your parents.

Coming-Out while still being Supported by your parents can have varying acceptance, from Totally Accepted to Totally Rejected.

Being rejected could result in you being disowned and homeless.

All to often youths that are rejected by their families have to resort to the Sex and/or Drug Trade to survive.

Think very carefully about the possible consequences of Coming-Out while still being supported by your family.

This Workbook is Very Helpful.

Coming Out as a Transgender Person: A Workbook

http://www.mccchurch.org/download/transgenderministries/transformativecp/Resource%20-%20Coming%20Out%20Trans%20Workbook.pdf

Your question "When you transitioned, were you still not 100% sure"? That is the reason for Real Life Tests.

RLT gives you the opportunity to live in your 'Preferred" gender without being committed to hormones which CAN result in some IRREVERSIBLE effects.

Take you time, explore all you options, try and see a Gender Therapist.

You may also wish to find a Local TG Support Group.

These groups are very helpful as you will meet other youths like yourself with similar feelings.

You can find TG Support Groups here, They are listed Alphabetically by State.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_support_groups.htm

I wish you Success and Happiness on your Journey when or if you should decide.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest LizMarie]

Just so you know, no one here is expecting you to do anything or be anything, other than respectful to everyone else.

Having questions and trying to figure things out is very normal. And regardless of what you choose to do afterwards, whatever course you pursue to address your gender issues, it's ok.