Scared ?MTF?

[Guest Jamie23]

Hello,

This is my first ever public post announcing this anywhere, but I feel like I need to get some advice. I joined this group because i need guidance. Well born as a guy, i thought i fit in the gay category but I honestly do not fit in with any guys at all. Like i dont have any gay friends or guy friends as a matter of fact. Most of my friends are girls because i seem to relate to them with a lot of stuff in life. I do not come across as feminine because i force myself to act more masculine than natural. I hate it, especially when a guy is suppose to do things because he is a guy, it just does not feel natural to me at all. Furthermore, when i go to the bathroom in my dorm, i feel extremely uncomfortable because i feel out of place. I can not explain the way i feel. Growing up, I would dress up in girl clothes and play with barbies all the time. I would cry until i would i would get to play with barbies. All my friends were girls and having older brothers, I hated to boy things. Until i reached a around 7/8 i stopped playing with girl toys because society taught us that is bad. I felt forced into my gender and as a result i am questioning it at 24 years old hard core now. I been seeking a therapist for 2 years now, and tomm i plan on bringing it up to her because I been so scared to do so.

[Guest April Kristie]

Jamie, First off welcome to LP you will get some great answers to your issues from great people here. Sounds like you have given this alot of thought. A therapist is a great person to bounce your ideas and feelings off. If you do identify as female your therapist should coax her out of you and let you breathe. One step at a time, and be well.

[Guest ChristinaAnne]

i used to play a lot with "girls" toys when i was a kid, and associated more with the girls in my neighborhood, until i learned what i was doing was "not socially acceptable" I got caught cross dressing at a young age, and repressed myself for quite sometime. so i have a large understanding of how your feeling. and i think bringing it up with your therapist is a great idea. your therapist is their to help you not judge you. im glad i told mine, ive never been happier. *hugs* good luck with you tomorrow =

[Cyndee]

Welcome Jamie to Laura's playground and thanks for your intro post. Your amongst friends here, relax kick back, paroose the many forums, ask a question of our membership if ya feel like it. After 5 posts you may use private messaging with other members.

Good luck with the therapist visit !

Hugs

Cyndi -

[Guest Tamar]

Welcome Jamie.

[Guest ChristinaAnne]

also welcome and feel free stop by the chatroom also

[Guest Melissa~]

Parsing out your post a bit, I think it's fairly normal for gender variant people to not socially fit in their born gender . Being gay at it's most specific is an attraction to men by men, no actual behavior may be involved. Feminine behavior is a learned thing just as acting masculine is learned(and masculine behavior sure as heck makes life easier if male, and complicated if female.)

Given that you already see a therapist it's high time to speak up.

[Charlize]

Welcome dear. We always need more of us Jersey Girls.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Jamie23]

Thank you everyone for responding!!!! I am anxious to talk to my therapist because I am starting to accept the possibility for once.

[Guest Opal]

Hi Jamie, and welcome to Laura's ! Way back in the old days, I went for a year seeing a therapist and never did tell her about my cross-dressing, nor my feelings at four and five. It finally took several years, and another therapist to admit these things, and it really helped me to move forward.

Just keep in mind that whatever direction you decide to take, how far you decide to go, is your decision, and your decision alone. Please do not let anyone push you too fast, nor somewhere you do not wish to go. It is all good!!

Hope you will continue to post when you can!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Jamie,

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

I am glad that you have found us.

It's all OK. You will find your way.

Love

Brenda

[Guest ~Emmie~]

Yaaay! Another mtf girl who's also awkward and out of place in this crazy state! (I moved down to Cumberland county four years ago, and am still WAY out of my comfort zone).

I too, struggled in college with anxiety and not-fitting-ness, feeling like, if I liked girls, there was really no point of wanting/feeling I was one. Repressing feminine feelings really sucked; talking in sessions with my GT and in group therapy has let me let my guards down a little. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

Feel free to PM if you'd like to chat sometime.

-Emily

[Guest Amanda May]

I have waited till 65 to confront this issue. You are lucky to have the wisdom to discover you answer at such an early age. The question will never go away till you get the answer.

[Guest Sarah1967]

Welcome Jamie

[tracy_j]

Hi Jamie - welcome

If there is one thing I do remember from when I was little it is feeling somehow uncomfortable in the bathroom with other males. These little things (as well as not always seeming or being as little as they first appear) add up to make one realise that there is a difference!

I have found I can relate and understand others better here than anywhere.

Tracy x

[Guest chastityinwaiting]

Omg i get so much from knowing I'm not the only insecure person in the world... Help me. If you can!

[VickySGV]

With over 17,450 members here it's pretty safe to say that 17,445 of us if not more have been insecure about ourselves when we first began our journey's to self love and acceptance of who and what we are (whatever we are). No one likes to believe they are different from other people, but lets face it, we are so we admit we are, and then begin to find out, that in our differences, there is really a pretty nice person there still, and then it begins to make sense to us and others, but for a while it is darned scary.

[Guest Elyssia]

Your story sounds very similar to my experiences, i never felt like I fitted in, just modified my behaviour to blend in as best I could. Been cross dressing since age 5 or something like that.

I still have so many things that I don't know and im in my forties, i wish i had the luxury of internet when I was younger instead of feeling like an alien. Good luck with finding your answers and whatever path is right for you