Hello, World.

[Guest _ui]

Hi, I'm Leo.

I'm 15, a linux geek, in TY (wiki) and feel like this.

For an unfortunately long time I've been at odds with myself, convinced that something (for nearly all of my life something) was wrong with me.

And a while ago, not long at all really it kind of hit me. Hard. In the stomach. With a mallet or similar.

I don't like being male. (<-- point, pretty much the only one in this whole post. You can stop reading now, if you want).

I do not like it here nor there, I do not like it anywhere.

So now there is a large amount of brick defecation being done by me, I can't go for any great length of time without having my mind come back to it. And I can ignore it for a while, maybe forever, but I don't want to.

So, ladies, gentlemen, brethen and sinners all I stand before you today wondering what the hell I am supposed to do and pondering the fact that this was, in fact, not much of an introduction.

Hang on a sec' I'll add some more stuff.

I write, stories and poetry and the ilk. Mostly sad stuff. Oh dear.

I like to program.

Nobody but those who have read this have any idea of any of this.

My COGIANTI result is 200.

I like music.

I have a number of younger siblings.

In a hypothetical world if I could have gender reassignment surgery without social repercussions (including my family) I would do it.

However in this world I'm not so sure.

After puberty (well, after it started) I suffered from depression (and still do a lot of the time).

I have crossdressed a little before but for obvious reasons don't socially.

I read a lot (but not enough).

I like to hack stuff.

I read xkcd.

I'm scared.

I like psycho-analysis and psychology.

I see that every sentence here starts with the letter 'I', sorry. I promise I'm not really that self-involved.

I promise to break this trend on the next line.

I am... Dammit!

If... Gah!

Introspectively... !

init SDRAM... oO!

if {cake = pi(e)} ... Foxtrot Uniform <Sierra, Tango, Alpha, Romeo> Kilo.

I know the NATO alphabet.

I am an atheist.

This line doesn't start with the letter 'I'! AHA!

Fin.

Also hi. You probably didn't need to read all that.

_ui

[Guest matthew41]

Hey Leo,

Your intro is just fine. Welcome to the playground! Feel free to pick a female name, at any time, if you wish to be addressed that way.

Reading, posting and making friends here goes along way to start understanding ourselves. Any chance your folks might let you see a gender therapist? It would help.

Glad you have joined the forum.

Matt

[Sally]

Well Leo,

Being from Ireland you seem to have spent more than just a little time making out with the Blarney Stone.

That's good, too many people are afraid to talk and we have to pry information out of them like taking a money from a Scottsman (I can make fun of everyone in that area, I'm Irish, Scotch, Welsh, English and Dutch - we don't know and never asked).

It is going to be fun having another talkative one here.

No one has offered you and hot coco and cookies - I forgot to check the weather in Ireland today so if it is too warm for coco, I'll get the milk.

You are gong to maeet a lot of wonderful people and we never judge, just sit here and wait for others to drop by or go look around all of the forums, you aren't a guet, you're family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Leo - we like you already - you've got that 'sense-a-haha' that we need. This is a serious site and it really isn't at the same time. Look around and you will understand that, I think. And Laura's is international. Lotsa GB people her, Austrailian - Canadian, German, French, Belgian, Middle east, Far East - and a huge amout of USA.

And at your age - we have a HUGE teen section here -people your age - look it over - but you aren't limited to that of course - no age barriers here. People are also non-judgemental. We try to be happy and support each other. It is also a great place to ask questions. Don't forget the CHAT here - you have to re-register for that - it's in a slightly different area - and reasons include safety for our members.

so WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

And your story? Truthfully? Between the lines? You are like all of us here - and 'terrified,"more than scared sweetheart. We can REALLY help you with that. It's so amazing - at Laura's EVERYONE understands, INSTANTLY.

You may have just found a home.

Aunt Lizzy (shows I am older - grin) POST POST POST - yikes - we need you!

[Guest Zabrak]

Welcome to Laura's Playground, Leo. I think you'll make many freinds here - lots understand what you're going through.

[Guest Irielle]

Hi Leo!

I think you are going to fit in here just fine. We have a little bit of everyone here

There is nothing wrong with you. You've discovered something about yourself you don't understand yet. Yup, it's scary.

It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of you.

What you are supposed to do is follow your heart, follow your dreams, be happy. Sounds to me like you are starting on that journey.

Be gentle with yourself. You have lots of new friends here who know what you are going through.

Iri

[Sally]

Thought I'd drop back in and see how you are doing, see how quickly people pop in and out around here.

You can learn a lot about yourself from reading what others have to say so don't sit here too long, if someone comes by while you're gone, they will leave you a note.

You might want to take some cookies with you, I've noticed that Zabrack has been by and he always knows where the cookies are.

Have fun,

Sally

[Guest _ui]

Hmmm... My parents don't know yet though so mentioning going to a gender therapist will almost definitely arouse (dammit! Innuendo!) elict (More innundo oO) give cause for suspicion.

And while I intend to tell them I'd prefer that I get to choose when (which would probably be after college having done the "Six month test". (*Adds "Icles" under breath and sniggers*)

Wrong part of Ireland! (At least an HOUR away from Blarney!) Also I apologise but I'm going to silently judge 1/4 of you, be appalled at another 1/4 of you, be confused by the language, customs and traditions of another 1/4 of you and consider the other quarter of you to be "a beor, t'be sure, t'be sure. Oh, t'cho, cho, cho*." Or similar. Also I'm going to be 1/4 not good at fractions. (Sorry The Sneeze... I'm stealing your joke...). Also there is a prize for guessing which is which but I'm afraid that it may not fit in the Ethernet port...

Hmmm... Its a bit late here for cocoa and cookies, cocoa and marshmallows instead perhaps?

Yep, saw it in the rules (the teens bit) ,

Don't know how to respond to your empathy (more empathy?) - Dammit testosterone!

OK, Aunt Lizzy Lizze Liza (XD)... Hmmm... I know a few people called Elizabeth, you don't happen to secretly live in Ireland, be awesome, part of the mafia and already friends with me do you? (Although any one of the four would be pretty sweet too)...

ET?

Grrr... Zabrak now I have nothing to say apart from hi and that you spelled friends wrong...

(Only joking, I promise not to secretly hold a grudge against you, or to have meant anger (or insolence for that matter, although the concept may be somewhat deprecated, IDK) or to growl at you again unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.)

Also (O general audience): n is less than 3.

[Guest _ui]

Like DNA profiling? Or limbs perhaps?

On the top shelf perhaps? A secret compartment? A cookie jar?

[Sally]

You can have some coco and marshmallows, do you prefer large or mini?

You do fractions even better than those brilliant athletes who are always giving 110%, you're giving 125%, well done!

I've often wondered how my relatives got together because they were on opposite sides in al most every war, including the Civil War! The Dutch were at least among the Alies in WWII.

I can have a real fight with myself.

Here's the coc,

Sally

[Guest _ui]

YAY! Large please.

I concur with that logic...

Hmmm... Could there have been an accident with a time machine and a contraceptive perhaps?

Although my parents are complete opposites politically yet they managed to create a family so one never knows...

*Blows on top of cocoa and wraps hands around mug, creating both entertaining skin with marshmallows and warming hands in a most pleasing manner.*

Cocoa is .

[Guest Zabrak]

Yup, you'll find that a lot of us make typo's. We are very laid back here.

[Guest Jackson]

Whoa. Apparently when I was visiting Ireland, I really should have sucked up that fear of heights and kissed the stone. The gift of the golden tongue obviously didn't make it down well enough from my Irish ancestors to me.

Welcome, make yourself at home. Looks like you've already settled in just fine.

I knew I should have stuck with learning the Irish language. We'll have to talk about Ireland. I really miss it.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Hi Leo I really got the giggles from your thread...uoy era syawla emoclew ereh...GaZOOoooOTS...I HAVE BROKEN THE DAVINCI CODE! Seriously flushing (no NOT that) Kelly Ann...the people here are so much fun...you fit right in

[Guest _ui]

Hmmm... I promise to get you (and any other typo-ists one may happen upon, mainly you though ) either a dictionary, alphabet soup or a hug for your next birthday. Or the threat of the latter if you decide I'm a despicable, dis-believable or desecratable person. (Or, in fact ANY adjective beginning with the letter 'd' including dark, demanding, druidically-descended, damnable, digg-able or, for good measure, do-not-reply-to-able). ^^

*Checks tongue colour*, *is relieved to see that its still pink-y*, *compares tongue colour against street colour, is relieved to see that they don't match* (Why yes, there is an intended pun there...). (The factuality of that last point may be refuted due to the fact that I'm in bed not a street but one continues...)

(That smiley face was an Irish smiley face, note the red hair, leprechaun appearance and general look of inebriation... )

[Guest Zabrak]

Laura's Playground Terms and Conditions:

24). Note that this is a forum based in America, though members are welcomed from throughout the world, and as such, posts must be made in English, be it US or UK variants, thank you

[Guest _ui]

Ah. Alrighty, Jackson I was talking sweeting nothings in Irish. Jam may or may not have been involved.

Oh dear, sorry. One apologises...

[Guest Zabrak]

No problem at all. Everyone makes mistakes! Just remember to re-read over the Terms and Conditions. You can find a link to it at the top of the page under Laura's Playground's title.

[Guest Stuv]

Welcome, Leo.

I'm afraid it's a little late,

to give you a blank slate,

but if you are more careful about who, and what, and why you hate,

we'll have no trouble warmly entertaining you at our misfit fête,

and perhaps those GID feelings may begin to abate.

Also, brethren*. Really now, relax, Leo. There's no one you need to impress, here. And the fact that you used "Alpha" and not "Alfa" suggests dilettantism at worst and exclusionism at best (go ahead and google it, yes spellchecker claims it's wrong.) Exclusionism, by the by, is a significant problem in the Trans community and larger LGBT community. If you don't know, I suggest you look into it, and in light of what you will have read, reconsider the front you've brought.

You certainly belong here, friend, however I suspect you are "testing the waters" by "stepping on toes." Please leave your insecurities at the door, there's no way you can hang on to both them and the delightful cocoa that has been offered to you - and which I note you have accepted.

Btw, Irish, Scottish, English, Jewish (yes the race, though no longer the religion), German here. I fight with myself too

[Guest _ui]

What?

I don't hate anyone... How could I, after the welcome-ness and the stopping-leo-freaking-out-quite-so-much and the cocoa?

Hmmm... Problem is that I'm not sure if I want them to abate, I've got a red pill and a blue pill in front of me and at least two and a half years to consider which one I ought to take.

Heh, unfortunately "Ladies and Gentlemen, brethen and sinners all..." isn't my wording, it's "borrowed" from "Oliver!" (the musical), although if the latter part is less than complimentary then perhaps another close should be used. Maybe "Ladies and Gentlemen, those in between and else, all"? (Or, if it's the word brethen you take offence to, I'd like to make the point that it's used here like scientists use the word man to mean Homo Sapiens, in a way not at all connected with masculinity) (Or, if it's the word sinners you take offence to, I retract the statement for all who have not sinned, and, as a one time only offer, allow them to throw stones at me (Please don't view this as disrespectful... I'm not quoting out of logical context).) (Or, if it's the esotericism of the word brethen, no, I have a habit of using words like that in real life too, I promise its not exclusively to impress the reader (although I CAN spell it with my arms (a la YMCA) while juggling on a unicycle and doing REALLY big sums in my head. On the wings of a plane. Which is upside down. And on fire. While wearing a kilt. And making bunnies appear (complete with parachutes of course) from behind my ears.)

Pardon me, I certainly didn't mean to be exclusionist, I wasn't aware of the alternate spelling. However I don't understand how it is exclusionistic, is there some group with those initials who hate L/G/B/T individuals? Or is it because of connotations of dominance?

Anywho, I am an ameteur, considering that I'm to young to do anything which would require the NATO alphabet... I only learned it for entertainment...

And I'm sorry for all stepped on toes, and I would like to assure all their proprietors that it WAS accidental and that if required they are entitled to a foot rub and/or toe reconstruction surgery.

Ah, unfortunately my insecurities still dog me, though I try to avoid letting them slip...

Hmmm... You win this round, but we'll meet again Stuv (*Slips away into day night twilight laughing manically and muttering about adding ancestors to DNA*)

Also, (Kelly Ann), I did reply with something along the lines of "What, I wasn't jumping to conclusions (that definitely deserves triple-word-score), honest! (Phew!)" backwards but it didn't get past the mods, because backwards-ish doesn't count... Therefore please imagine that I posted said message... (There was also the (first 20 numbers of the) fibbonaci code tacked on to the end of it, imagine that too, if it so pleases)

[Sally]

Would you consider me a trouble maker if I pointed out a typo/misspelled word in your last post?

Oh, well, why not - I can be a trouble maker sometimes!

Anywho, I am an ameteur, considering that I'm to young to do anything which would require the NATO alphabet... I only learned it for entertainment...

Should read: Any-who(can be hyphenated or two words), I am an amateur, considering that I'm too young to do anything which would require the NATO alphabet... I only learned it for entertainment...

And that was only one sentence!

I have to use the edit function because of my horrible typing!

But overall most people can tell what I'm trying to say.

Some people even like what I write.

Have a great day, oh wait it's already late afternoon over there, isn't it?

Well whatever is left of today have a good one and a very pleasant tomorrow,

Sally

[Guest Zabrak]

If you talk in code...well...it's still a code. Some people wont be able to understand it at all and see it as a threat because you could be insulting them without them knowing.

I think Sally's got a good idea - I don't think you'd like if everyone corrected all your mistakes.

Lets all just say love, peace and chicken greese! Then all hug.

Oh, and we shouldn't get too off topic or we might break a rule.

[Guest _ui]

Ok, I repent, promise...

And from this day forth to be nice.

And cover all my music in DRM.

So to, for audio, be forced to levy a price.

HAH! Your things that leo should probably do are useless against my quatrain, useless I tell you, Useless!!!

(*somehow fades into background or similar, never to be seen again (although some will swear that in the middle of the night they can hear echos of forum posts he had once made)*, *X-files music plays*).

</off-topic.ness>

Have a nice tomorrow to you too (its a bit late, but have a nice 4 remaining hours of today too).

(Also as a symbol of peace in the grammar department I come bearing both "The time machine" (by H.G. Wells which is (and who is), quote unquote "Fricken' awesome".) and a quote from Lynn Lavner : "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals, it's just that they need more supervision. ". It be epic.) </end_digression>

[Sally]

If you talk in code...well...it's still a code. Some people wont be able to understand it at all and see it as a threat because you could be insulting them without them knowing.

I think Sally's got a good idea - I don't think you'd like if everyone corrected all your mistakes.

Lets all just say love, peace and chicken greese! Then all hug.

Oh, and we shouldn't get too off topic or we might break a rule.

Explaining some of the rules still fits within the realm of welcoming so I think we are OK.

ui, I do want you to know that you are welcome here in the playground and all of the forums, it is just a matter of we have all been excluded from so many things just because we told someone that we were trans and we don't want anyone to feel excluded here and codes and even backwards writing can be very frustrationg to those who can't work them out.

Send me your backward writing in PMs, I love it - but I am so far removed from dropping my math major for music education almost 40 years ago I think that if you want a reply within the week we shouuld leave the numerical codes out.

We like to think and you bring up interesting points, just be aware that some areas have very tight rules for very good reasons.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Sally

[Guest Tammy Maher]

I'm sorry...

if {cake = pi(e)}...

Pi(e) > Cake...

anyways my world of java...

public static void main(Strings args[]){

System.out.println("Hello Leo!");

}

Yes....GO SEMICOLONS!

I am noob programmer but like it none the less, so yeah hi.