Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Your Residual self image


Guest Andrea_Heilotes

Recommended Posts

Guest Andrea_Heilotes

I imagine many have seen the film The Matrix and if any of you are like me, one part stuck out as amazing to you. When Neo first re-enters the matrix he notices that he appears as he did before he left the Matrix, Morpheus explains that it is because his mind projects a "residual self image" into the Matrix of how he sees his own body as truely being. Now, for me, being a young transsexual, this idea always provoked a little thought exercise. If I see myself as a female, how would I show up in the Matrix? I would hope that I would show up as being indistinguishable from any other female in the matrix. Or at least, that's my fantasy.

Well that's all fine and dandy for sci-fi thought exercises. But what I'm noticing is that I'm starting to develop a residual self image in my mind of what I should look like. For the most part, I look like me as I do as a woman everyday, but I've noticed I'm much shorter in my mental images. In one mental fantasy number I run to and hug my girlfriend, who is also trans and about my height in real life.In my fantasy I hug her and wrap my arms around her waistas my head presses against her breasts. In the fantasy, I'm still me and look like me, except I'm around 5 feet 8 inches, versus my real height of 5 feet 11 inches.

Does anyone lse get these fantasy ideas of themselves besides me?

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Self image is very important. I don't alter my physical height, but my self image certainly is different than my physical reality.

When you brought up the Matrix, I thought of the woman in red ;)

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest ~Emmie~

I loved that movie when it was released; the action scenes were perfect, the script was so NEAT, and the idea of being a girl in the Matrix...huge wish fulfillment. In my residual self-image, I am thinner, and my muscles considerably smaller. Also, I finally have my boobs. :)

Now, were you paying attention- or were you looking at the woman in red? ;)

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

I had quite a problem with self image before my transition. I was always looking in the mirror, trying to figure myself out. I actaully became a little obscessed with having mirrors just so I could observe myself and see what I looked like from all angles to make sure I looked okay. I bought a 76x48" wide one at one point. Now that I've transitioned, I've lost that urge to constantly check and see what I look like. When I thought about it, it made a lot of sense. My self image didn't match what was in the mirrors until I transitioned. It wasn't anything major... it was just that I was seeing a dude in the mirror, and I didn't understand why I couldn't identify with my reflection. Now (except if I'm not clothed), I know I'm gonna see the real me there, and the urge to check the big mirror is practically not there. I actaully closeted the thing, and only open it up to check out new clothes/costumig I've made :)

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
Guest ashleynikole

I find it interesting that you chose this movie for your analogy since one of the creators has transitioned as well. Perhaps she had an insight that she chose to flesh out in the script of the movie (consciously or subconsciously). Can you imagine being a woman in the matrix and coming out of the matrix to find out you were physically a man? :blink: Talk about dysphoria!!!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 236 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • MaryEllen
    • MAN8791
    • Ivy
    • Kai P
    • Ashley0616
    • Birdie
    • Jamey-Heather
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,089
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Kai P
    Newest Member
    Kai P
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. FullyHart
      FullyHart
    2. MariPosa
      MariPosa
      (65 years old)
    3. pechenezhka
      pechenezhka
      (17 years old)
    4. Rubycd
      Rubycd
      (59 years old)
    5. Yana
      Yana
      (31 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      thanks for the insight ... good to know things are being well thought-out ... it is no easy topic for sure, as many of us on here have been wrestling with this stuff for years and decades...
    • Ashley0616
      @KymmieLWOW! He is absolutely horrible! Definitely one of the worst boss's. 
    • KymmieL
      Well the boss is at it again. They misplaced a work order thinking I was the last one who had it, yesterday morning. I know where it is. Last thing I did with it was put it back on the counter. He accused me a couple times of having it last and put it somewhere. Come to find out, the other boss (his wife) had taken it. she put the work order paper in the recycle box.   Has he apologized about the accusations. He!! no. I am waiting for hadies to get frost bit.   So that was my morning.  But it is finally warming up here. currently 63 and windy.   Hugs, Kymmie
    • MAN8791
      I am gender fluid, leaning heavily towards trans masc. My eldest is male and despite all the "stuff" we deal with with him (autism, speech delay, etc) I found him to be easy to raise. When my middle kid (female) was born, literally the first words out of my mouth were "I don't know how to raise a girl!" And I really felt I didn't know. She showed me. She's still showing me how to exist as comfortable and completely secure in her gender expression. It is entirely awe inspiring to see all three of them feel so settled in their bodies in ways that I never, ever felt or feel to this day.
    • Ashley0616
      That sounded like an awesome opportunity to dress as your actual self. I have to say I'm a little jealous lol. I never got compliments from people and definitely haven't been kissed. I can imagine that part was still really nice and boosted your confidence.
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome what kind of gaming do you like?
    • April Marie
      I've been absent so much lately I feel as if I'll never catch up. Too much going on in our lives that's kept me away from the keyboard. and limited my time as "me."   I am so looking forward to your post on how you arrange your life. I know that I won't ever be able to fully transition so finding some happy balance is crucial for me.
    • Sally Stone
      Mae, you are so sweet for making this comment.   Desert Fox, you are so right.  I always knew that even though I was part-time, my motivation was way more complicated than a simple desire to wear women's clothes.   Your question is a timely one because in my next post, I am going to talk about how compartmentalized my life is, and the short answer is yes.  I have friends who only know Sally, friends who only my male persona, and a rare few that know both.  
    • VickySGV
      @EasyE With my background in Behavioral Sciences I do go to actual conferences for the medical and psychological professionals that deal with Trans Youth, and in those conferences, the ethics of "too fast" versus "too slow and restrictive" are a heavy concern.  There is very thoughtful sharing among the participants for making professional judgments that the therapist is comfortable with without being afraid of what is "too soon" or "not soon enough" to advance to medical prescription therapies. The ethics of what constitute reasonable caution or unreasonable delay are deeply at play in those situations, with the idea to prevent harm while alleviating the patient's stress and other issues.  This type of conference fulfills Continuing Education license requirements that most states and other areas have.  From them the therapist may seem to "speed up" their evaluation process, but it is based on the accumulated experience of colleagues, just as is true in other professions and yes, even trades. 
    • April Marie
      That's wonderful news!! I took our pup in for her Vet check today - perfect. She slept 7 hours last evening and is coming along really well with her house breaking and crate training.   I know you'll have some excitement with a new Boxer!! 
    • KathyLauren
      Surgeries are drastic, and indeed should be a last resort for minors.  As indeed they are.  It is very rare for anyone under 18 to get gender-affirming surgery.  It is typically only done if the person would be suicidal without it.   Puberty blockers are a way to avoid the "drastic measure" of forcing the person to undergo the wrong puberty.  They should not be prescribed lightly, and I don't think they are.  They are a way to go slow until the person can truly make an informed decision.
    • Ivy
    • VickySGV
      My Endo keeps track of several trace chemicals in my blood system that can be affected by our slightly different hormone balance, keeping in mind we have had both hormones all our life, just in different balance.  I did have to change one diuretic I was taking that was crashing out one chemical that does affect energy levels, and it turned out that Spiro was the alternative to that one for the way it works there.  I was never on Spiro for the hormone issues per se.  Let your doctor know about the fatigue sometime today or whenever you read this. 
    • Davie
      Hmmm .  .  . if I only had a ten-word description that completely described my identity. That would be great, but one doesn't exist. "I'm a girl—and a boy. And neither—and both?" There. Now you know, right? Maybe not. —Davie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you should discuss it with your doctor.  I know you are 'asking around' but experience probably varies.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...