My Spiritual Journey

[JenniferB]

Since I decided to go to AA I have noticed changes. It's taken effort on my part and isn't so much that I decided to live sober as much as it is to give my life over to a higher power.

I've been active in churches before, Pentacostal and Mormon, and they did help to a degree. They made me realize God is real. But my beliefs were more rooted in blind faith and took what they said for granted. It was a surface belief, therefore it didn't take root. I was glad at first, but my heart wasn't in it. I didn't have a "thy will be done" frame of mind. So when pleasures of the world came calling, my desire for spiritual things waned because I only took half measures, and wasn't fully committed.

This time is different. I didn't just find something and follow, I used my free will and observed first to see if it was for me. I went to AA because I wanted to quit drinking. What I found was a whole different way of life. What did it for me was the fact there was no pressure. They offered a door to walk through, but didn't condemn a person for not entering. And they always welcome a person back when they return, no judgment given. What is different is that alcoholics have suffered, and know misery and pain more than most. Many know what life is like at the bottom, being forced into a state of humility or die. Because of this I have never seen a group of people with more humility and gratitude. They are not judgmental because they understand living in a life of despair, hopelessness, and worthlessness. AA members live more Christ like than any church I've ever attended. And yet they don't claim to be Christian, only believe in a higher power. They teach people to not depend on their own self-will but to follow the will of the higher power of their own understanding.

With an attitude of "Thy Will Be Done" I see changes happening.

1. I haven't had a drink in three weeks. That's the longest I've gone without drinking in over three years.

2. I now have the ability to control my diet and exercise. I weigh less than I have over a year. I am not even fighting to do this. I'm not fighting my lack of control as much. It's been easy to cut my portions of food, and don't seem to crave unhealthy food anymore. I have no doubt if I continue on this path I will be within a healthy weight some time next year. I already feel much healthier. This is why I desired to stop drinking. I knew I needed to lose weight for GRS.

3. I am genuinely glad to see people I know. I'm not pushing people away like I was and give hugs more freely. I feel a kind of joy to see people I know. That is something I've never felt before, at least to this degree.

As I'm moving forward, the desire to go back to the way I was, even one month ago, is leaving me. I truly am reborn as a spiritual child. I know that if I keep being submissive to the will of God, as I understand him, my spirit will continue to heal and grow.

As for joining an organized Christian Church, I have a few progressive ones in mind. But have decided against joining any church atm. AA is enough on my plate for now. I will look for a church again after completing the 12 steps, or when it is the will of God.

Jennifer

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing Jennifer. A friend of mine in the priesthood had an interesting comment when i told him i was a member of AA….He said" That's true religion" Glad you are open and finding that as well.

Hugs,

Charlie

[gennee]

Thank you for sharing, Jennifer. Congratulations on the three weeks of sobriety.