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Had my wig pulled off on a dance floor


Guest JorjaFox

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Guest JorjaFox

I live in the UK the bar is in Manchester's gay village - It has a mainly lesbian clientele

At weekend I was dancing in Coyotes bar in Manchester village , a girl came up to me asked if I was a man , the next thing I know she pulled my wig off and I was standing on a crowded dance floor with my own hair in a hairnet . I was really upset about it . For me thats the same as someone pulling my pants down in public . I was too upset to think clearly on Friday , the next day I phoned the bar who weren't very helpful , made me feel stupid for not speaking to a doorman , I phoned the lesbian and gay foundation and they advised me to report it as a hate crime and assisted me in making the report through the true vision website. I managed to find a picture of the girl on the club's website photo gallery , I emailed the picture to the club owner thinking the might know the person , this was her response "This is a matter between you and the Police not Coyotes as you failed to report it and you can't just think that's the person who caused issue and because there are no witnesses and because we have a silver Sparkle award for the community you need to take this elsewhere. Pat co owner"

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In any gender you were accosted! Let the cops investigate it as such. They may very well put a lot of heat in the perpetrator's and bar owner's back yard. they will not be laughing it off or passing the buck. I'm sure that embarrassment really hurt, sorry that happened to you Kiddo. Hug. JodyAnn

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Its assault, you should report anything like that immediately to the management through the guys on security - it was a very cruel and stupid thing to do

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  • Forum Moderator

That is a rough experience. I'm so sorry you went through it.

My wig is part of who i am now. Unfortunately i can't grow my own hair and shave my head. My grandkids wanted to see me as my old self when i first transitioned but even at 4 and 6 they didn't pull my wig off. I remember a similar incident in a gay bar in Mississippi that was frequented by soldiers from a local air force base. I got kicked very hark in the butt by a lesbian who didn't seem to like an "impostor". It hurt much more than my body. I tried to tell her that i was also a member of the GLBT community but i guess i was simply an easy "male" target. I am glad to no longer frequent bars. They seem dangerous places where alcohol can bring out hate and resentments against others.

Perhaps you might review your choice of establishments and vote with your dollars and those of others who are supportive. There is also the possibility of organizing a "ladies night" when dressers and trans folks can have a large enough presence to have more security.

Please take care of your self most of all.

Hugs,

Charlie

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Guest JeepGirl90

I can imagine how you must of felt, if anything else its an embarrasing situation, but being trans we are the black sheep of the LGBT world. I don't agree with the co-owners answer though, it seems more of like a blow off more than anything else. I would call the cops and have them do something about it.

-Christina

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  • Admin

I agree with some of the others that it was an assault, not just a theft. If it happened to me, I would feel totally violated and humiliated. You are doing the right thing by reporting it to the police.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest JorjaFox

I keep thinking I'm over it and then I think about it and I cry again . I've phoned the lesbian and gay foundation's helpline a few times

because the emotions got too much , they listened till I felt better . They have given me some forms for counselling. How long is

that girl's actions going to effect me.

I was annoyed with the bar owners reaction so I emailed Pink News they said they would like to chase the story. It looks like they must have contacted the bar as Pink New sent me this email

""In terms of where I am with this story, at the moment I am waiting for Coyotes to send me a statement - I've asked for it by the end of today. They are currently checking CCTV so I am guessing their statement will take that into account."

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Guest LizMarie

I'm sorry you have to experience this. What was done was completely wrong. There are lots of women who wear wigs, especially chemotherapy survivors. Yanking someone's wig is an offensive act. I hope the police can assist you in this.

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Guest JorjaFox

How long is that woman's actions going to bother me ? I wake up in the morning and end up crying while I'm getting ready for work.

When I'm cycling home I'm thinking about it , when I'm in my flat on my own. Sometimes I think it might be better to end it , but stop and think of things I want to do , my kids etc. I thought I was past all this . I often feel so happy then all the things that are going on get the better of me. I'm getting ready for work and I know after I cycle there , then change , put my makeup on , put my favourite perfume on
that I will feel good again. When I've felt low I've phoned helplines and talking things through seems to help
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Guest DianeATL

So sorry this happened to you. While it was awful and should be punished, I think you are finding that difficult and frustrating while the attacker goes about their day without a care.

Forgiveness is tough because they did you so wrong but until you forgive them, it will be a burden on you as you are experiencing. They win. If you can let her go, it will free you.

As far as getting back at the bar, here's an idea if you have a large group of friends. Fill the bar to capacity and spend no money. If you must purchase something buy the least expensive item and sip it all night. Take away all of the space for the patrons who would otherwise fill the til. This only works if you can effectively flash mob it and hit them where it hurts, money. Imagine having a full bar but almost no sales.

Hugs

Diane

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  • 3 weeks later...

I dont undersgtand why the LGB fail to show the same love to the T in the community

It really makes no sense

As a Transguy, i 100% support the LGBT community, however three of those letters dont support me

Im really sorry, you must have felt really hurt...I hope things work out and you can find some peace regarding the incident

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Guest Jennifer T

Jorja, I am so sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine how I'd have felt. And the perp and I would have probably found ourselves sitting in a jail cell that night. :-). But I agree with Diane, as long as you feel as you do about it, she has the power over you. Whatever happens legally, if you can find the strength to let it go, she'll have no further hold on you.

I wish you peace.

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Guest Jennifer T

Hunt, it doesn't matter is someone is L, G, B, T, CIS or any other label. People are people. There are good, bad and indifferent in all groups. It may suck, but it's true.

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Guest Sarah Faith

Hunt, it doesn't matter is someone is L, G, B, T, CIS or any other label. People are people. There are good, bad and indifferent in all groups. It may suck, but it's true.

Sadly there is a certain level of disdain from certain circles in the LGB community directed at the T.. This kinda stuff happens more often than our community would like to admit, and it is often ignored by the trans community because the LGB community are viewed as natural allies. Due to our long term association with the LGB community many just are unable to ever imagine our community standing for our selves with out waiting for scraps at the table of the LGB community.

Attitudes like this among some in the LGB community are not disappearing because very few people are actually willing to stand up and say it's wrong. Until the transgender community finds the willingness to stand up, and make it clear to the LGB community that this is not OK we will continue to experience things like this from some within the LGB community. Which is inexcusable.

Before anyone jumps down my throat for painting the entire LGB community in this light, let me point out that I said "certain circles" and "some". Which means I am only speaking of a smaller subset of the LGB community and not everyone.

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Guest JorjaFox

There has been another incident since then, I had been out dancing , I was about to go home when 2 young men started hassling me

saying I was a man and one of them started to reach for my wig , the girl I had met in the club knocked him to the floor with 2 punches

she continued to punch him while he was on the floor, he got up and walked off , the security at one of the clubs made fun of him for

getting such a hiding from a girl. He ended up coming back and fighting with the girl , again she punched him to the floor he pulled her down

and they wrestled on the floor , I pulled the guy off her and he went for me I knocked him down by catching his neck with my upper arm

he must have decided not to try with me and went for the girl again , I pulled him off picking him up by the waistband of his trousers , a super

wedgie., when he went for the girl again and saw she had the upper hand I left it , the police arrived , put the girl and her cousin in the police van

in cuffs . I told them what happened and eventually they got released. This has only really hit me now a week later, I kept asking myself what if I had been alone.

It's playing on my mind . I keep feeling like I want to end things when everything gets on top of me . in the few months there's been 3 transphobic incidents,

I've moved out of the family home after 22 years of marriage , I've had a number of health issues, my mum has been given a prognosis of 3 months

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Guest Jennifer T

Sarah, I would jump down your throat far anything. And I do read your words in the context in which you meant them. :-)

Where we might disagree would be that you believe the behaviors of some within the LGB community are inexcusable. While that may be true, those behaviors, in my opinion and experience, are asynchronous expected as they are from any non LGBT groups. I expect very little in the ways people act. I hope for greater, but expect little.

I only hope that I can exhibit behavior that I would want shown towards me.

Peace.

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Guest Berry Picker

What horrible incidents! :'( Instead of thinking about what could have occurred had you been alone be grateful that you were in the company of friends!

-Love,

Nicki

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Michelle57

OMG I would be like so gun shy about going out to bars or any clubs for a long time. I am so sorry that you had to go thru all that. I would like to say that I know how you feel but I can't because I've never had some one pull my wig off but I have had them block me from leaving a club so they could taunt and call me names but it was a place that I knew I shouldn't have been to begin with and that was years ago. I feel so bad for you.

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Guest Sarah21

Jorja, in relation to the first inclident, it was a horrible thing to have happen to you but it's obvious the girl was a really nasty person.

She won't have any luck for it and will get her comeuppance some day.

You should just try and write it off as a bad incident and not ponder on it, you can grow as a person from that bad experience.

Try and focus on any happy memories you had the same night you were out.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest JorjaFox

I just read this and I realised I've been thinking of the nice things that happened that night

before I wen to coyotes without realising that was what I was doing , a girl kissed me and

told me I looked gorgeous , another girl asked if she could feel my boobs , I said Can I feel yours ?

she agreed and we felt each others boobs , I think I got the better part of that deal

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Sarah1967

I just read this and I realised I've been thinking of the nice things that happened that night

before I wen to coyotes without realising that was what I was doing , a girl kissed me and

told me I looked gorgeous , another girl asked if she could feel my boobs , I said Can I feel yours ?

she agreed and we felt each others boobs , I think I got the better part of that deal

Sounds like a little fun !!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Alexx21

I am so sorry you have been through this its shouldn't happen at all to anyone no matter what gender you are i dont understand why the GLB treat those who are T different do i have been around the gay area of Edinburgh .Scotland and i have never experienced transphobia i had a friend who though they where T had a hard time going out and living as a women

Everywhere that i have been has accepted me as i am but i dont go out much anymore

i hope things get better for you

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