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Breakthrough and Need Advice


Guest SamIThinkIAm

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Guest SamIThinkIAm

So

A) My mother apologized. Yeah, you heard me. She apologized. She overhead me explaining and crying and venting to my grandmother (who is adorably trying to become up to date on all things trans and will save a trans-related newspaper clipping from six months ago to show me cuz she thought of me at the time) and I guess somewhere along the way she finally understood.

Mom, this hurts. Being alive like this hurts. How long do you expect me to 'wait it out because it could just be a phase and you're young (and don't know anything)'? 12+ years is enough no? This hasn't gone away and NO, I'm may not end up on the exact same path as the one I start out on---but I am most absolutely on that transgender direction. So please, just get used to it.

AND SHE APOLOGIZED. She admitted it was all just foreign and spooky and she was scared for me and for what is admittedly the unknown for her. HOLY POOP.

Wow.

B) It's the holiday times and being the virtual orphan and drifter I am my FTM buddy/roommate is taking me along to one of his family's get togethers, because it's just assumed wherever he goes I go. Which is the way things work...I'm his sidekick.

We're the odd not together but should be couple XD like we do all the couple things and are together all the time/planning on staying together forever...just not involved.

Not because you know, I totally don't think he's adorable, but he's asexual as far as he's concerned and even if not (sometimes my silly brain swears it sees mixed messages) he's certainly not ready/confident enough to date someone.

ANYWAY....so he's taking me to his family get together. Though I am pre-op and pre-t I've gotten to a point where no, no more female pronouns. I can't take it anymore. I do however look visibly gender-variant and am pretty much androgynous in voice though unfortunately at best butch female-looking due to body parts and height. He's encouraged me to just correct anyone anywhere if it bothers me that badly (which it does).

He doesn't care if I do it at the family gathering...but I am nervous.

How does one broach the subject with strangers?

Sometimes I wonder if I should just let it go...but it really bugs me.

At the same time I don't want to derail the get together or get him in trouble with his family (to whom he isn't out).

I dunno what to do.

Thoughts?

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Guest Kenna Dixon

How to broach the subject with strangers may depend to some extent upon a transgender person's age and degree of self-acceptance. I know that not everyone is strong enough yet just to be himself or herself and let the chips fall where they may.

My own approach, being a seasoned citizen, is to answer polite questions but not dwell on the subject. If someone genuinely wants to learn what transgender means, I'm happy to explain and educate. Anyone who takes it further and brings personal and/or religious bias into the mix is not worthy of my time. At that point, it becomes their problem - not mine.

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  • Admin

Perhaps the best approach would just be a polite, "I prefer to be called Sam, and be addressed with male pronouns." If they want more explanation, its up to you to decide how much to tell them, but at least you have an opening that they asked for, rather than just blurting out "hey, I'm TG!" I'm not saying you would do that, just giving an example. I hope your family gathering goes well, and yes, congrats to you and your mother for her turnabout. It often is just a matter of time before parents and others finally "get it."

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Brenda Hailey

Congratulations on Your Mom seeing the light Sam, you must be feeling relieved to have your mom back.

My Mom doesnt exactly understand everything either but she loves me enough to not want me to suffer anymore so she accepts me either way. In my eyes we are going to have a better relationship than before because we are both being totally honest with each other for the first time ever.

I cant give you to much advice about the proper use of pronouns and name use I have just recently picked a name for myself and realisticly dont expect the people who have known me as my other name my entire life to just come to grips with my change over night so I dont let the he,him,bro, stuff bother me to much at this point. However I have noticed for the first time making such definitions as the gender we are and being reffered to as such is important, at my stage of the game I am picking other more important battles to (me) to fight, and adress the proper use of pronouns at a later date....I know its coming and I do feel the desire to be called the right gender.

So much of who I am now was set free just by coming out ,and has been enough for me for now to just keep taking small steps without forcing to much to soon.

So far everything has been going pretty smooth much to my surprise,,,,,still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak but even when it does I know in my heart I am far enough along to wait it out or tough it out without withdrawing back into my shell.

Again that is super great news about your Mom, she may just need a little time to process all of this and come to grips with it.

It took me 40 years for myself to come to grips with it so I dont expect anyone else to come to full acceptance overnight either...

Brenda

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