Depression Made Me A Pig.v_v

[Guest Thresa_XD]

Hello every one I'm fairly new here i just registered last night.

I have had a rough childhood and a unsupportive mom who dislikes any form of gay,lesbian or crossdressing people so i can't show how i really am at home. I am also a loser because i have no friends in real life mom never approved of anyone coming in the house or me leaving with out permission so i never got to make many at all.

Since I've graduated school I have felt even more depressed and haven't been able to keep a job too long only getting one's from temp agencies.Since i have no outlet to be the person i want to be I tend to stuff my face with foods and snacks and in result I'm severely over weight.I'm 6'2' and over 300 lbs I used to be 150 in high school so I know i let myself go.

The problem i have is I am so depressed all the time I have no motivation to do anything about it but i wish i did. I'm also a artist who used to draw very well but my hands have gotten carpul tunnel and a slight arthritis and i haven't even been able to hold a pencil with out pain so i just stuff my mouth with food again so i don't have to think about it. And to further my depression more i had to move back in with mom since I couldn't cover the rent once i got layed off from my job.

I was wondering if there was any place or thing aside from going to a therapist (I already tried and it was a waste of money) to regain some motivation in my life and start losing this weight that makes me feel ugly and disgusting.

[Sally]

Well hello,

I'm the one you need to talk to alright, 6'4" and down to 328!

I was at a point beyond 350 and decided that i didn't really want to eat myself to death and be barried in a shipping crate!

I am assuming that you are an FTM transsexual because most, not all, of our MTFs are shorter than you.

I can't end the depression and I make no attempts to be a motivational speaker, as a friend of mine says, "I would never hire a motivational speaker to talk to my employees because when you bring one in to a buch of idiots all you have is a bunch of motivated idiots!"

What I can do is a offer you a plan, one that isn't too hard to follow.

Set a goal for a stage in your life not for weight loss - I am planning on transitioning completely and having the SRS.

What do I have to do?

Gender therapy, hormones, living full time and then the SRS.

Guess what?

Most doctors have a weight limit - well below where I am, now I have a reason so much stronger than I wish I wasn't so fat.

When you want to eat, find something else that you like to do and can substitute - you said that you liked to draw - does your computer hae any drawing programs in it? Any at all, you can hold a mouse when you can't hold a pen.

If you stuff your face as often as I used to you should get pretty good at that even with the simpilist of programs.

Force yourself to get out and walk, volunteer to run the errands, when you go to a mall park as far away from the door as you can, walking is good.

I hope that helps you, we usually offer cookies and hot cocoa to our new members but even though virtual food is fat free and has no calories it seemed like that would be showing a lack of attention to your problem, so I will bake you some fresh ones when you've lodt about 5 pounds.

How does that sound?

Smaller portions, not too small at first and no snacks, walk and draw.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Thresa_XD]

Thanks for the advice Sally. Unfortunately I am tall and want to be a woman so I have even more problems finding clothes and shoes for me.As for now i just own some stockings and lingerie and a few tops but i rarely get to wear them.

I'll start walking a bit more and I'll try to use the mouse to draw on my paint program.

I hope I can suceed in losing the weight so maybe I'll start feeling better.

Thanks again for the advice.

Thresa.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thresa - well Sally was 98% - and let me add on to what you originally wrote.

First welcome to Laura's - we need you here sweetheart - don't go away. And I hear a lot of sadness in your writing - we might help you with that if you give us a chance.

Secondly- I also am MTF and I am 6'2" tall. I am thinner now - I just lost a huge amount of weight, but I started at 236... so it can be done. But big girls are already out there - just look around... so NEVER dispare - NEVER.

And I strongly disagree that a therapist is a waste of time. You need a GENDER SPECIALIST therapist - a psychologist, not a psychaiatrist. Tell us more about what happened with you? It doesn't sound like you were in the right place.

As I said - I am MTF but I am also in transition - and I regularly buy women's clothes and shoes - it IS possible. So if you want to be happier, you must fight toward a resolution - and that resolution may be the gender reassignment you seem to seek - or whatever you decide is best for you.

Losing weight? You need to find yourself - DEFINATELY - what is in your heart! That is hard - and you need to do so as soon as you can. When that is resolved, you will have proper motivation for regaining your original smaller size.

Just my opinion

Lizzy

[Guest Thresa_XD]

Thanks for giving me some hope Elizabeth.

As for what happened with me(I assume you ment in therapy)was I went to the therapist because I was caught in drag like 7 years ago and they were basically telling me that me dressing as a woman wasn't natural. After keep getting told that what i am is bad i started getting depressed and started doing binge eating to help me keep my mind off it.

They also made me take some medications(too many types to remember) to help me stop being depressed,gain motivation, and help me cope with stress. I think in the end the medication made me more selfconscious than actually helping me but they insisted i keep trying more new medications to see if they work but to no success.So i stopped taking them a few years ago.

If I could just lose a little bit of weight I think I'll be able to feel better instead of feeling sad or hallow most of the time.

[Sally]

Losing the weight is a good thing for your health, but slef image has nothing to do with physical appearence.

I am the tallest of you and the most over weight and I pass on those rare occasions when I go out dressed - I am running a business where everyone knows me as male - I collect thier money pretty far in advance of doing the work (wedding photography) so if I upset one of the more narrow minded parents and they don't want me at the wedding, I have to refund a lot of the money, so I dress to go to my therapist and no one in her building has ever noticed me, the Fedex man holds the door for me and the first time I met my therapist (in full male mode with a mustach), she told me that she was surprised that I could pass as male.

You are a woman, a large woman, you can change the weight - not the height or the fact that you are a woman.

Be that woman, look around you and see all of the women in so many shapes and sizes, just like men's clothing, plus sized womane's clothing is harder to finad and sometimes more expensive, but you can get it - they make it for all of the natal women who comprise tha WNBA!

Be proud of who you are and your height, stand tall and be confident!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest doodle]

Hi Thresa

I sounds like things are very tough for you right now. Your mom doesn't sound like she will be much help other than keeping a roof over your head which is nice as long as she can leave you alone . You should do a web search "transgender New Mexico" I found a support group in your state. Even if it is to far you can still get in touch with them and they may be able to point you in some right directions. Not all therapists are a like. Most if not all but gender therapists will not be able to help you with being trans. Being CD or trans (a core issue) is very stressful and most trans people go through some, if not many self destructive behaviors. If you should start dealing with being who you really are and as some others here said making a plan and not picking on oneself because it goes astray. You may start to get a handle on your problem which is not easy one. My partner has the same problem. she is up and down in weight and she is not trans, but would not be considered a normal female.

As far as clothing goes I buy a lot of clothing from a catalog ironicly called Women Within. The have plus sizes ( I'm an 18 ) shoes everything. All you have to do is find out your size.

Finding this site is a start . Everyone here is nice supportive, nonjudgemental as we have been through many things.

doodle