14 years post op

[Guest lis8290]

I am now 14 years post op. I am so glad to be a woman. I beleive I was born with a female brain but I suffered enormously in a male body for many years.Than the disarster of puberty hit me and i felt it was like a vicious attack on my very spirit and inner being.I lived with this agony for years not knowing what was wrong. I knew something was profoundly wrong.The issue makes me want to cry even today because of the suffering i went through. I can type no more as I feel distressed at even approaching the topic of life pre hrt or surgery. I made some tragic mistakes.

[Guest LizMarie]

Mistakes are part of being human, and yes, they can hurt. But hopefully you've moved forward, learning from those mistakes.

[Guest lis8290]

yes mistakes are things we learn from. I do my best not to make them again.

[Guest lis8290]

So im back to this thread.

You know when i had my Srs my doctor said to me that my surgery will be a great help at forgetting my past and moving on to a new life.

That was 14 years ago. Maybe 15 years ago my surgery was on 2/2/1999 at 9.30 am.

Today im so happy (apart from my mental illness) in my skin at least im a woman with mental illness. That helps give kme strength with my illness. I honor the strength and power of my mother who stands besides me today in spirit. She died in 2000 sometimes i wonder if my transition killed her. I know it was a great disappointment for her as she always wanted a son and she told me that.

Being transgender can be such a sensitive topic .I must admit that i am not so sorry to be transgender but I am very sorry I was not born a woman. I guess many of us here share these sentiments that we where not born the gender of our brain. Its a great delamer to have to face.

I recently 7 months ago lost my partner of 13 years or longer as a friend. She was there and held my hand in recovery room post op. She fed me in hospital ,she loved and helped me. Her death was a great blow to me and from this I am still recovering.

I have my bad days and my ok days and my good days .As time goes on the bad memories are fading and I am remember ing our good times. we had a very "stormey" relationship .The relationship ended in utter koos and incompletion.

I made and maintain a little shrine to her . I put a fresh flor on it every day and I have our mascots there.

Life moves on and I kinow i must move on with it. But 13 ,14,15 years oh man that takes time to get over.

Im so honored to be a woman ,only a woman could say that. If i was not born fully a woman my brain was and as i transitioned all thoes years ago I grew into a full woman.

It took so long but the journey home was worth every mistake i made along the way. I did makie mistakes and bad calls along the way because although our brains are female we grow into women or the gender of our brain through social experience and biological configuration.

Thanks for reading this.

Love to Carol Ann.

[Guest lis8290]

Post op 14 years.