Bucket of ice cold water.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

As many of you know I am new here and just started on this journey of acceptance and coming out and being what I feel I truly am.

I have been searching all manner of info and websites trying to gain more insight into what the condition isthat I suffer. (transgender)

I have been looking for anything and everything about this trying to find a ray of light and positive hope out there somewhere,that can help identify and deal with this issue, of course I came upon Laura's Playground and feel this is a place that I have found many answers to life long questions I have had, not all of them but quite a few that I think really matter. I find the support and encouragement found here unsurpassed by anything or anyone else out there. I feel I have really come to terms with alot of the issues that I have have never known how to deal with. Inspired to do an serious introspective look at myself with all denial being set to the side,replaced with the "truth" about me.

Allowing myself to even think of or imagine all these concepts is a huge stride forward past denial and ignorance.

Then comes the "ice cold water" to splash over my entire body and send me into shock....

In my relentless pursuit of knowledge and research about transition,hormones, and surgeries I came across a website that is contradictory to everything I have learned here at LP and other venues.

The website in question is all about the regrets people have of going through transition,hormones and surgeries. Horror stories of people who came out, went through all the steps seemingly the right way lost all there was to lose had completed transition and realized it was all a huge mistake....I pretty much read the entire website and felt my warm fuzzy feeling of progress slip away right before my eyes. Talk about a buzz kill. I wish at this point I never saw the site ,but at the same time I am glad I did because now I have another piece of the entire puzzle that I never had before. In most cases with me anything about sexuality or gender I am a complete naive idiot for whatever reason I have never been blessed with basic knowledge of any of these things, so everything I learn is "the hard way" and in this instance I have learned everything about being transgender "the hard way" ,through mistakes,misery,suffering,and sheer accident.

After seeing that site I feel less sure and more confused than when I was still in denial........and it only took a few minutes of reading to question everything I was striving for.

I truly HATE having to deal with this,,,,,,but there is no other choice I have tried all there is to try to not deal with it,with zero positive results. I didnt ask for this.

I am damned either way. There is never going to be a clear path for me I will always have to live this screwed up life it will never go away. Realizing going back to my old way of life isnt an option anymore I already know it will never work and now realizing that moving forward in this new life actually might not be any better if not worse is a real heart wrenching place to be.

Some of this stuff not even a Gender Therapist can possibly know the answer to either....I sit here shaking my head asking why am I always the last person to know anything about myself?

Earlier today everything was fine I felt pretty good had some goals in mind that I think I could meet to move a little further in what I think is a positive direction,and try to feel better about what it is I am doing, and then bam, I get hit with some sort of validation for my worst fears coming true,about making the biggest mistake in my life about the biggest problem in my life. I made posts earlier today offering encouragement telling someone else to hold on and not give up, and here I am a few hours later completely deflated,thinking what am I doing?

It truly is a torturous,frustrating existence no matter what gender I think I am.

The only solace for me right now is that while in my mind I am wet,confused,freezing cold, frustrated,and doubting, the real physical me is in my favorite cami top and undies....God help me if this is all there is.

[Guest Jo-88]

Yea the ups and downs of transition can come fast and unexpected. Yes there are horror stories, but for every horror story is a success story. The fact that you are questioning yourself is a very good thing... you have to continue to dig deep, monitor your state of mind, and be conscientious of your mental and physical condition. I like to think that most of the horror stories happened because the people involved did not question themselves, they did not properly vet their desires. Sometimes our minds can trick us into believing something that isn't true (like the grass is greener on the other side) and then when they do realize it's wrong it's too late and those people want to cry foul. Some blame everyone and everything for *their mistake... they blame their therapists, their doctors, family, friends, etc but the true blame belongs to them. Maybe that sounds a bit "tough love" but I believe there is truth to it.

Transition *has to be something deeper... it's not just a "sex change". The goal is not to just become a member of the opposite sex. The goal is to dig deep and discover who you really are and then carefully mold yourself into that person. That may or may not require transition... but whatever it does require if you do the "leg work" of deep and continued introspection, wherever you end up and whoever you end up as will NOT be a mistake, and will NOT result in a horror story. Of course you should also work with a therapist so that there is an impartial voice of reason to call you out on any cognitive distortions you may have, that is very important.

[Guest April Kristie]

Brenda, I am not into casual use of cliches but as I am somewhat a newbie to this transition path too, I feel that to truly grow in this intensely introspective situation, some rain has to fall baby! You need to know all sides to this path, balance the good n bad and then how it applies to you. Yes, a gender therapist can help, they can also refer you to a psychiatrist if needed. Take your time, let that horror story pass, get perspective of all this in your life, give it a day or two.you have a great at bunch of people here at LP, and we all wish the best for you, whatever that may be! Big HUGS!!

[Drea]

..contradictory to everything I have learned here at LP and other venues

What exactly is contradictory? That transition isn't a cure all? That there are some that aren't satisfied or that after having "lost all there was to lose" the losses outweigh the benefits?

Thru the years I've seen lots of folks end up on the rocks due to chasing transition as some idealized solution or fantasy which will solve their problems. Particularly when they have put transition first regardless of what losses are involved. In my view losses must be balanced against benefits

...went through all the steps seemingly the right way lost all there was to lose had completed transition and realized it was all a huge mistake

I wonder what the "right way" is? Cause from what I observed only a small portion of those I seen go thru things in what I personally would consider the "right way".

A therapist can help a whole lot, but a therapist is not proof against error. I can't count the number of times folks have had significant issues that they haven't discussed with their therapist out of fear therapist would question them.

Of course there are all the people who think they don't need therapy, and use therapist as someone to check off hoops while basically doing all they could to avoid any real therapy.

[Guest Jo-88]

All very true Drea.

[Guest Sarah Faith]

I completely agree with Jodie here, many people who run into problems later on often transition for the wrong reasons, or jump into it with out giving it much thought. If the site you are talking about is the one I think you are talking about, that is why it exists to make us stop and think and examine what lies before us. I found that site about 6 months before I started HRT and it came to mind right around the time I had my appointment to see my doctor.. It bugged me and made me doubt my self much like what you are saying here. What it also did was make me stop and really examine my life and what lead me up to that point and if I was really really sure. Ultimately I came to the conclusion that this miserable feeling has haunted me since my earliest memories and really felt like I had very little to lose.

I think each person should go through this self evaluation, and they should do it often transition can lead to very permenant changes that require surgery to reverse or really can't be reversed. It's pretty heavy stuff and definitely worth some caution, but if you are sure you're sure. Only you can truly knowone way or the other.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

..contradictory to everything I have learned here at LP and other venues

What exactly is contradictory? That transition isn't a cure all? That there are some that aren't satisfied or that after having "lost all there was to lose"?

Thru the years I've seen lots of folks end up on the rocks due to chasing transition as some idealized solution or fantasy which will solve their problems. Particularly when they have put transition first regardless of what losses are involved. In my view losses must be balanced against benefits

...went through all the steps seemingly the right way lost all there was to lose had completed transition and realized it was all a huge mistake

I wonder what the "right way" is? Cause from what I observed only a small portion of those I seen go thru things in what I personally would consider the "right way".

A therapist can help a whole lot, but a therapist is not proof against error. I can't count the number of times folks have had significant issues that they haven't discussed with their therapist out of fear therapist would question them.

Of course there are all the people who think they don't need therapy, and use therapist as someone to check off hoops while basically doing all they could to avoid any real therapy.

Indeed the "right way" is completely subjective and bias to my own beliefs,which are confused suppositions at best, and yes I may be putting to much faith in my therapist to know all there is to know and have all the required answers for me to move forward without making any mistakes.

I am not one of those people who thinks I dont need therapy, I willfully sought therapy because I dont have a clue how to deal with all these issues, even the non gender issues.

Avoiding the truth in any part of my life at this point past or present is not a stumbling block, I invite ripping my life apart fully to expose and address any it. All I know is I need help and someone to talk to,no she is not proof against error but someone who isnt a screwed up,neurotic like myself is a much needed different perspective...

Checking off the hoops is not what I go there for, a fast track to more confusion later on is not my goal. I will gladly pay for more sessions to "not" rush into HRT or anything else for that matter, despite her already claiming I would certainly qualify.

I want to feel better about myself,I just dont know how much "better" there is to feel, or how to get where "there" is.

I saw another side of the coin I had not fully contemplated/realized in my mind yet and it scares me.

Being transgender has been elusive for me for 40 years there are still huge blind spots I cant see that surprise me when I do finally see them.

I know what my next session is going to revolve around.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

I thank everyone for the tough love and advice.

I am glad this happened for all the reasons everyone has given as well as a few of my own.

When this transgender door opened I knew NOTHING about what lay beyond, the mere fact I am searching for these answers is a huge milestone,in a life of ignorance and denial.

I am seeking and trying to learn about something I dont have any real answers to,only to find more and more questions.

I know I have found this amazing piece to the puzzle of my life that is "transgender" and how perfectly it fit so many things in my past,I just automatically assumed it would also fit my future. :-/

Finally knowing this is all "real" gives me hope that I am not just a freak,but wanting more than transition can provide is a serious consideration only I can truly know.....I get it.

A lifetime of misery has possibly led me to put to much hope and desire into accepting that being transgender can actually fix anything for me either way, I am stuck this way and there is no getting out of it.

Again thank you all for caring and listening.

[Guest lostflower]

When I first came out to myself the most important question I asked was

What if I'm wrong? Can I live with the consequences of being in the wrong body basically forever?

I can, but if you can't live with possibility of being wrong you have no business transitioning in the first place.

The point of no return on the MTF path is when they are putting me under for GRS anytime before that I can go back with effort but I can go back, if I'm wrong the big consequences

And even if I am wrong, I'll be stuck with a va jay jay forever, but they look so much nicer anyway and I love my boobies far too much to ever want them gone so even if I am wrong, I'm doing what is right for me even though it's wrong

Transition isn't a place for uncertainty that you are trans or anyone that hasn't considered if they could be wrong and can live with it if they are.

Harsh I know, but it's true, I didn't need the GT giving me the devil's advocate approach I had already explored every doubt and uncertainty in a far deeper way than he ever could

Hannah

[JJ]

One thing that helps me is to read the real scientific evidence and credible research.. Sites like that have been created by some groups of haters and do not reflect the community as a whole or even realty. There is an old blog about FTMs with some very nasty and twisted half truths that I read early in transition. There was just enough truth to make it a nightmare and extremely damaging. Some of those words I could still quote. There was just one purpose for that blog to harm FTMs. So I researched every allegation and tool the word of therapists and scientists rather than that of a disturbed hater who wished me harm. Sure there are people who fail at this ad end up angry and bitter. Happens with every medical conditio you can name. Where a patient could not follow through with treatment or blamed every problem in their life subsequent to it. Estimates vary but the rates I have read are from 1 to 3 percent of us regret transition. That is an incredibly small number. Our suicide rate plummets after we transition or treat this condition as our exact condition dictates, That is significant in a condition where not treating leads to the highest suicide rate.

We are not talking about a psychological condition here but a physical one and that needs to be taken into consideration. This is is damaging condition that over time tends to take a horrific toll. But I will admit that we are the survivors. Those with the strength to make it through difficult lives. Psychologically this physical condition takes a toll.Those who are too afraid to transition sometimes attack those who have. Or sometimes people have developed mental illnesses trying tio live with it that cause them to become very negative and damaging toward other TG. Others attack transition to justify their own inner demons. Being TS sadly does not preclude being transphobic. In some people it almost seems to entrench it and they act out their own self loathing in sites like the one you mentioned.For me it comes down to a simple question in a way. If you had another physical condition that had a death rate of 40% and there was a treatment that had a 97% success rate would you hesitate? No matter how hard the treatment might be? Some people do. my ex mother in law ultimately died of cancer because she choose not to make a change in her life that she was told would save her. It was her choice.One she adamantly defended almost till the end.

This is a very hard situation. Transition costs. And the price can be very high. But research indicates that for us the risks of not transitioning for TS who feel the drive is higher.It is sometimes between losing everything and having to put a new life together or dieing. That 40$ suicide rate is an estimate because most of the time the real reason isn't known or isn't revealed by those left behind.

My last advise is the same as the first. Don't take my advise or that of any other individual. Look at the research, not what someone says or reports but the actual research. Talk to your therapist and base your decision on the realities you find there and not advise or web sites based on someone else's agenda.

Our advise and experiences can be a guideline but we all have motives and motivation on some level and that always has to be considered.

Johnny

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

Thanks Hanna and JJ for your words of wisdom.

I realize that nobody can know me and that I ultimately face the darkness alone regardless of what anyone else can ever say to me,for or against.

It is up to me to find that light if it even exists at all,and only I can take the steps to find out.

Being alone is not where I thought my new found hope was going to lead me once again ,but its true,nobody can do anything for me,it has to come from me or it isnt me.

Its not somebody elses obligation to figure me out and know whats best for me,its mine alone. I have always known this, I guess at times I get to optimistic and forget how cold and hash this world really is despite having a pocket full of hope and new found dreams.

It was silly to think I could find happiness following someone elses transgender footsteps directly or indirectly. Reading other peoples wonderful or not so wonderful life stories isnt going to change mine.

At least I know what it is I am dealing with now,weather or not I can really change is the real question.

I think I will just fade back to the reality of my daily life,and see what I can do for myself armed with all this new information I have been gathering,and see what happens.

[Guest LizMarie]

If the web site is of Walt Heyer, he is a crackpot and the majority of his "testimonials" have been proven to be false. In addition, Mr. Heyer quotes scientific studies completely out of context. For example, he loves to harp on the fact that post-op suicide attempt rates are higher than the general population (4.5% versus 1.5%). What he never ever says is that pre-op suicide attempt rates are 41%. As one professional psychologist I know said, "When you have a therapy that reduces suicide attempts by 90% and you argue against that therapy, you're a quack." Mr. Heyer is a quack.

Having said that, transition is not a cure-all. Be sure you transition for the right reasons. If you can find solace and peace another way, consider that. But if you can't then you need to transition.

For me, I was up against the suicide wall (and not the first time either). I needed to either begin facing myself and living as I envisioned living or die. Now you tell me what I should have done? To all the "don't transition" people, including my eldest son who said he and everyone else would have been better off if I actually were dead, I can only say things that I can't repeat here at Laura's but I'm sure you can imagine my response.

Transition, for those that need it, is a god-send and a proven therapy that saves lives in the long run. Transition, for those that do not need it, can be a serious mistake. Just be sure you really need to transition.

Finally, quacks like Walt Heyer are dangerous to society.

[Guest Sarah Faith]

If the web site is of Walt Heyer, he is a crackpot and the majority of his "testimonials" have been proven to be false. In addition, Mr. Heyer quotes scientific studies completely out of context. For example, he loves to harp on the fact that post-op suicide attempt rates are higher than the general population (4.5% versus 1.5%). What he never ever says is that pre-op suicide attempt rates are 41%. As one professional psychologist I know said, "When you have a therapy that reduces suicide attempts by 90% and you argue against that therapy, you're a quack." Mr. Heyer is a quack.

Having said that, transition is not a cure-all. Be sure you transition for the right reasons. If you can find solace and peace another way, consider that. But if you can't then you need to transition.

For me, I was up against the suicide wall (and not the first time either). I needed to either begin facing myself and living as I envisioned living or die. Now you tell me what I should have done? To all the "don't transition" people, including my eldest son who said he and everyone else would have been better off if I actually were dead, I can only say things that I can't repeat here at Laura's but I'm sure you can imagine my response.

Transition, for those that need it, is a god-send and a proven therapy that saves lives in the long run. Transition, for those that do not need it, can be a serious mistake. Just be sure you really need to transition.

Finally, quacks like Walt Heyer are dangerous to society.

Even Lynn Conway has a section of her page about SRS regret, so the page mentioned here may not have been written by a hater.

[Guest Jo-88]

...transition is not a cure-all. Be sure you transition for the right reasons. If you can find solace and peace another way, consider that. But if you can't then you need to transition.

Liz summed it up perfectly.

[Guest LizMarie]

Even Lynn Conway has a section of her page about SRS regret, so the page mentioned here may not have been written by a hater.

Absolutely agreed, Sarah! But the incidence of regret is very low, not sweeping and most trans folk, as people like Heyer insist. My only point to Brenda is to deal with reputable professionals in this endeavor and you'll get useful honest answers. If you go to an "ex-trans" "pray the trans away" quack like Heyer, you'll get an agenda based on superstition and nonsense.

[Guest Melissa~]

I have to say I'd never recommend transition to anyone, the problems are there, real and documentable. Therefore the only reason to transition is because one has to. Then it's a matter of seeking a selfishly optimum result, don't transition for anyone else.

As for other informational sites I visit a large variety of site from DIY, to feminists that despise mtfs. These are valuable information sites, it's rather important to understand the full picture good and bad.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

Liz ,you have a keen sense of intuition.

I thank you for being able to read through the lines and see what was at the root of this latest issue of mine.

My mind has been on information overload for quite some time now and coming across Mr Heyer's website kind of threw everything I have trying to affirm to myself into question.

His sight did not shake my fundamental desire to be who I am at all,I still feel perfectly comfortable wearing my clothes and being more of the woman I know I am, I feel good about it. In that I do not waiver.

It just brought up some thoughts I had not considered yet and it got me over thinking again. I suppose I was more shocked that I have got as far as I have trying to live this way ,without seriously considering all those things I could regret more in depth,before hitting the deep end of the pool.

Since coming to my acceptance of myself I have in many ways been overly excited at the possibilities of what "can be" vs "what actually is going to be."

I am a hopeless dreamer who finally found transgenderism and bolted through the door without more careful consideration.

My enthusiasm for the hope of somehow living a new and happy life in many ways gets in the way of more realistic and rational thought. I blame only my overwhelming desire to be free,for allowing my own ignorance to remain.

I am just starting and still dont know many of the other pitfalls that await me,I just want to be strong enough to deal with them as they come without wanting to run away at the first sign of danger or discomfort. That has been my go to response for 30 years so its difficult to overcome at times.

Your insight and your own struggles puts into perspective how easy I actually have it in many ways that others dont.

By the way this morning has turned out pretty good, I started "coming out" to one of my business associates/clients today and strengthened my resolve a little more despite my doubt and fear.

So Walt didnt really have as big an impact as I let him at first.

Brenda Hailey

[Drea]

...and yes I may be putting to much faith in my therapist to know all there is to know and have all the required answers for me to move forward without making any mistakes.

When I said a therapist is no proof against error I wasn't questioning a therapist's expertise tho I suppose that is potential issue. Instead I was referring to all the ways one might not be entirely honest with their therapist and the fact that therapists don't make decisions of right or wrong. Unless one is demonstrating clear problem that would negate moving forward (such as showing signs they are gay with internalized homophobia) the therapist might raise tough questions but ultimately it is the client that decides.

I am not one of those people who thinks I dont need therapy, I willfully sought therapy because I dont have a clue how to deal with all these issues, even the non gender issues.

Avoiding the truth in any part of my life at this point past or present is not a stumbling block, I invite ripping my life apart fully to expose and address any it.

A sensible outlook

Sites that have cropped up by those who have had bad experiences. In part because support sites only give one side of the story with few exceptions and pretty universally deny any negative outcomes.

In support sites, as one would expect there are folks who advocate and push transition largely caught up in their own excitement (and frequently are early transition themselves) but when it comes to a mistake someone might make from such encouragement deny any responsibility.

I take the approach that people need to know the good and the bad, which normally isn't what people want to hear. There are plenty of folks that will tell them what they want however so I leave that to them.

Also, as I see it, it is in all our interests for people to find the right treatment and positive outcomes. That means don't put blinders on, don't think in black and white terms, don't chase an artificial goal. Because every time someone ends up off worse off it raises questions about validity of treatment and can start erode the positive steps that have been made.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

Even Lynn Conway has a section of her page about SRS regret, so the page mentioned here may not have been written by a hater.

I dont know who Lynn Conway is but I really dont think I need to go to anymore stories of regret to move forward in my journey.

I took in what Walt has said and it has not changed how I know I feel it just shook a little more sense into me as far as my own self introspection.

I am sure I could go to any trans regret sight and find something I could relate to out of fear without much difficulty,but I dont know how much more it would help.

I have had some time today to think about what I saw and it did not change who I am or want to be,it just scared the crap out of me for a while realizing how I somewhat overlooked the very real possibility of regret.

This morning Brenda was still smiling in the mirror,even though my thoughts were jumbled a bit.

[Drea]

Another thing.

The claim that transition is the only treatment option. The transition or not transition dialog.

Every time someone talks of other options, people jump to the reparative therapy religious denial type stuff. I agree those aren't good options.

Therapists experienced with gender dysphoria know that their clients have individual needs and many find stability, a balance that doesn't involve gender role transition.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

Another thing.

The claim that transition is the only treatment option. The transition or not transition dialog.

Every time someone talks of other options, people jump to the reparative therapy religious denial type stuff. I agree those aren't good options.

Therapists experienced with gender dysphoria know that their clients have individual needs and many find stability, a balance that doesn't involve gender role transition.

You wont EVER catch me trying to repair what I know cant be fixed with religion.

Bible scripture and those who use it to condemn me have NO PLACE in my future whatsoever no matter how badly I screw it up...

I tried my own reparative therapy my entire life,it doesnt work either.....lol

I dislike religious hypocrisy, more than I dislike myself.

Thanks Drea for your well reasoned words.

Brenda Hailey.

[Cyndee]

I have to say I'd never recommend transition to anyone, the problems are there, real and documentable. Therefore the only reason to transition is because one has to. Then it's a matter of seeking a selfishly optimum result, don't transition for anyone else.

As for other informational sites I visit a large variety of site from DIY, to feminists that despise mtfs. These are valuable information sites, it's rather important to understand the full picture good and bad.

I'm with Melissa on this, transition only because you have to, essentially a last resort to try and solve your GD. If you can at all exist in your current state with visits to the other side, do it. Transition can and will bring out the worst in others around you, it will test your problem solving skills to the utmost. The older you are the harder it gets. It can take you to some pretty dark places at times, but then again doing nothing about GD is pretty dark in it's self. If you head down this path, don't look back, never look back.

I enjoyed reading everyone's responses to you Brenda. You are getting a dose of reality from those that have been there.

Hugs

Cynthia -

[Guest Sarah Faith]

I dont know who Lynn Conway is but I really dont think I need to go to anymore stories of regret to move forward in my journey.

I took in what Walt has said and it has not changed how I know I feel it just shook a little more sense into me as far as my own self introspection.

I am sure I could go to any trans regret sight and find something I could relate to out of fear without much difficulty,but I dont know how much more it would help.

I have had some time today to think about what I saw and it did not change who I am or want to be,it just scared the crap out of me for a while realizing how I somewhat overlooked the very real possibility of regret.

This morning Brenda was still smiling in the mirror,even though my thoughts were jumbled a bit.

I wasn't really suggesting that you do, I just think that it was important to clarify that not all websites with these stories are just bitter people trying to spread it around. It's important to understand and know that transition is not consequence free if you are jumping into it completely blind or for the wrong reasons. I've never really had that self realization moment where I finally admitted or discovered what was wrong with me, for me I thought I was a girl as a very small child until other kids at school kind of forced me to realize that no, physically I was not. For me this has been a lifelong certainty and even then I am glad that I read sites that made me stop and seriously question my motivations.

Like I said before Brenda, ultimately the only person who will really know what is best for you is you. The more you know about both good and bad outcomes the better informed your decisions can be.

[Drea]

Another thing.

The claim that transition is the only treatment option. The transition or not transition dialog.

Every time someone talks of other options, people jump to the reparative therapy religious denial type stuff. I agree those aren't good options.

Therapists experienced with gender dysphoria know that their clients have individual needs and many find stability, a balance that doesn't involve gender role transition.

You wont EVER catch me trying to repair what I know cant be fixed with religion.

Bible scripture and those who use it to condemn me have NO PLACE in my future whatsoever no matter how badly I screw it up...

I tried my own reparative therapy my entire life,it doesnt work either.....lol

I dislike religious hypocrisy, more than I dislike myself.

Thanks Drea for your well reasoned words.

Brenda Hailey.

What I failed to make clear in that post is that the transition is the only option is faulty. That it is inaccurate because therapists know there are other options than gender role transition.

[Guest KimberlyF]

How does one suffer from transgender? It's not a condition, but a category.

Transition or any medical intervention is of course not for everyone because every person in the TG umbrella does not need it.

The goal should be to get the right treatment to the right people and not make anyone feel better than or less than for following a different path.

As for suicide stats, once again from the biased National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force:

"High risk groups include visual non-conformers (44%) and those who are generally out about their transgender status (44%). Those who have medically transitioned (45%) and surgically transitioned (43%) have higher rates of attempted suicide than those who have not (34% and 39% respectively)."