A bit shaken

[Guest Ava Sophia]

Hello every one of you lovely people♡.

I'm making this post asking for a bit of guidance from the community. I am seventeen and will be turning eighteen at the end of March. I want to start to process of transitioning when I turn eighteen. (Due to circumstances within my family I do not wish to even try before I am eighteen because I wish to keep my family fairly uninvolved in my process)

So, I know the basics of what I have to do to get started. I need to seek out a therapist and talk with them about everything and then the stuff that proceeds after that. But, for me I guess that isn't the part that is kind of overwhelming me. It's all the other stuff. I have been around mainly males(at home) for my whole life. My mother is very much so a tom boy as well. So I have never really been around too extensive of an amount of feminine behavior at home. So I'm not constantly seeing the ins and out of acting accordingly. How to dress, act, do hair and what have you.

So.. any tips on what I can do? I am currently growing out my hair,(the front goes to the mid-bridge of my nose. Sides go to about my jawline and the back almost to the neckline of a crewneck t-shirt)

I'm just kind of confused as to where to start. There is so much I don't have and need to acquire but don't know how to acquire. It's all just kind of ovwrwhelming. I have forced myself to try to fit the social frames and standards for the typical male.

So, if anyone could give me any form of tip or ideas it would be greatly appreciated. <3

Thank you all,

Love, Ava Sophia

[Charlize]

Ava i'm afraid i can't tell you about some finishing school that can teach you how to dress, walk act and speak in such a way that no one ever notices before March. I remember starting to pluck my eyebrows to develop a more feline shape. Working slowly it was never noticed. I also had a friendship with a cis woman who helped me a great deal to find confidence and some knowledge of dress and makeup. She was one of the first people i was honest with about my self.

Mostly please understand there is no rush. Take your time, maybe not 63 years like me, but there is no rush. Life is here for enjoyment regardless of gender.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Ava Sophia]

Thank you.

And I meant more so just in general. Things I can try to learn for life in general. I do not expect to learn really much of anything in just two months. But just things I should learn/practice in general.

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

The best advice I could give you Ava is to walk and talk like yourself, however that is.

I was pretending to be a man for decades it takes only a matter of one second to be me and be naturally me....sometimes I even surprise myself and catch myself doing something totally girly and feminine and laughingly ask myself where did that come from??? I love it when that happens It makes me feel so good inside because I know it is the true me just naturally being me without thought or care.

You dont necessarily need a role model unless you really want one,because you have one inside you already.

As for your appearance I cant help you much with that as I am still an unfinished work myself and make mistakes about what to wear and how to act ,its just part of the learning curve I suppose. You just wont know until you try kinda thing. Most of the time I feel like a child who has this aged body and mind that doesnt match what I feel I want to do all the time ,but common sense does eventually creeps in after a few mistakes.

I would say you already know what you want by the mere fact you are already doing these things to change your appearance, experimenting is half the fun, you dont have to fit into a perfectly prescribed female role, overnight, you can make your own rules and be the you,you want to be.

As many more here will probably say there is "no rush" take all the time you need, make the world fit you,not the other way around.

Dont let the lack of having a full wardrobe stop you from being you either, you can find creative ways to be you with few clothes and little accessories, and just work up to what you think you want while maintaining how you feel inside regardless. Shop for things you know you want online if it is to hard to shop in public, if there is a will there is a way.

I still have many fears to still conquer myself, but would give anything to be in your position and start the process young, and I would also love to have my hair as long as your is right now. lol

My final bit, "Love Yourself",for who you are and dont try to fit someone elses mold or ideals, and the rest will just work its way out given enough time and nurturing.

[Carolyn Marie]

Becoming socialized in a new gender role is a very complex task, Ava. I don't say that to scare you, but just to give you an idea that it will take some work on your part.

Things you can do include going to the mall or other places where girls hang out, and (discretely) observe how they walk, move, stand, interact with other girls, hold themselves (posture). For example, guys often stand with their feet shoulder length apart, while girls often stand with their feet close together, or ankle crossed or turned at an angle. Guys cross their arms in front of their bodies frequently, while girls gesture a lot or hold their hands at their sides.

Girls and guys have different ways of talking to each other, too. There are Youtube videos on that sort of thing. Then there is the whole voice practice thing. Makeup is another important area of concern, and dressing tips. How about restroom etiquette? Would you believe I had to be told at first that if you're wearing a skirt, you don't let it fall to your ankles while sitting on the can like you would a pair of pants? Yup.

There is nothing that can't be accomplished with practice and patience, hon. Take it one thing at a time, and you'll get there. If lame-o Carolyn can do it, anyone can.

HUGS

Carolyn

[Guest Andrea_Heilotes]

It sounds like you've mostly got it. Go to therapist first, they will direct you to the next steps after that, usually hormones. Start the things that take a while now, like growing your hair, which you've started, so that's good. If you can, start to build a new wardrobe, cause that takes time and you'll need to get accustomed to finding your sizes. If you can, start going out in public as a woman, it'll gt ou used to coping with your nerves and not being terrified of the ladies restroom. Confidence building takes a long time, it took me a solid 6-10 months to really get confident in being me. Unfortunately, jerks are going to say things to you about being a freak or just staring at you. You need to develop a thick skin, take this time to go out and do that. It seems you're under 21, so gsy bars are out of the question for you, but they do tend to be fairly safe and positive places for new women. But, you DO have access to trans support groups ay your age. If you're not already, go to them and make friends, get comfortable being a woman in transition out in public.

Most of all, develop a group of supportive friends and if possible family members. Coming out is terrifying, but you have to do it. So get astarted now. Having a group of supportive friends is going to help you a whole lot when you start hormones and begin transitioning, develop and begin that group as soon as possible.

Good luck to you in your transition,

Andrea

[Guest LizMarie]

Carolyn nailed it - go to public places and simply sit and observe females close to your age. Watch them, listen to them. Also look at them. Don't be fooled by photoshopped models in Vogue magazine. Real women are not like that. Get a good look at real women and then realize that you are just as real.

But to improve your understanding of female behavior, go find a place to observe female behavior!

[Guest Ashlieeee]

I'd recommend focusing on how to stop acting like a guy. Rediscover your own mannerisms and interests. Transitioning is about becoming yourself, not a new character. How do you want to express your femininity? There are a zillion ways, only you know which are right for you. I started with long hair and make up, then nail polish and dresses. I haven't had my ears pierced but I'm thinking about it. Just envision yourself living the life you want and make it hapn capn!